This is the FCB podcast network. Our prayers Masoda day that we won't with bath then we won't to say, oh we got it does? No one can take that? Oway gonna be okay, Our prayers that we won't with Maad, then we won't to say, oh we got it does No one can take that oway don't don't be okay. Hi, everybody, Welcome back to another episode of Just Listen to Yourself with Kira Davis. This is a podcast where we take hot topics, hot button ideas, and we talk about the talking points on those ideas, and we draw those talking points all the way out to their logical conclusion, because I think sometimes when we examine the things we say, we're not really saying what we think we are. Today's episode is the kitchen Sink episode. I'll tellell you what that means. I'm just sort of throwing everything into this pot and discussing it because I'm working on an episode on symbology and meaning in body language and symbols, and it's a bit research heavy. A lot of times I do minimal research and I just sort of discuss ideas. But this has been a topic that has been really interesting to me. So I'm getting through a couple of really thick books, taking me a while, and it's distracting from producing other content for this show, which I must do, of course, for obvious reasons. I have a show. So I was thinking, well, what am I going to talk about? Because I'm really interested in the symbology thing is sucking up a lot of my time. And I started going through my reels. My they're Facebook reels. Everybody, I want to tell you that they're Instagram reels because it sounds a lot cooler, but I'm old, I'm gen X, so a lot of my social media I'm still doing through Facebook. And because Facebook and Instagram are the same company, they feed the Instagram reels through Facebook. So I saved these reels on Facebook, and I guess a lot of the times I'm thinking, oh, that's interesting, I'll go back and explore it more. I'll probably write something about it, maybe i'll talk about it on the show. But of course I never go back. So I was going through my saved reels trying to come up with a topic for this week's show, and I thought, you know, I have all of these random, random reels that they don't necessarily coalesce around one topic, but I'm interested in everyone, and I'm not sure everyone is a whole show or I've done a whole show basically on these, So I thought, well, this is a great opportunity to sort of discuss why I was interested in these reels and think through some of the ideas that interested me in the first place. And it's also a little peak into my mind how it works, the things that interested It's just all over the place. So I'm gonna just go through a few of these reels. They are from random things, they cover random topics, But I just thought it would be fun to logic through some of the ideas being presented here and explain why I found them interesting. And maybe you can write to me about your thoughts on them, or if these are topics you've even thought about. As always, don't forget to like and subscribe to this show. That helps a lot. If you download this show, that helps a lot, so subscribing. Hit that subscribe button and then it's always downloaded to your inbox, And don't forget to sign up for my substack. Just Kira Davis dot substack dot com. Follow me on Twitter at real Kira Davis oh, and go buy my book Drawing Lines Why Conservatives must be into battle fiercely in the arena of ideas. Okay, so going through these reels in no particular order, I'm just going to play them in the order that I got. So this first, real, Okay, great, this is great. This is the view host Sonny Houston. She is a huge advocate for reparations for slavery, reparations. We've talked about that on this show, not as much as I'd like to. I still have a reparations episode I want to do that's purely reparations. I had my friend Rachel on to talk about it, and we want an award for that show Communicator Award. But I have more things I want to say about it because I think it's I think when you dig into the reparations issue, it's actually a lot more complicated than you may think. I think I share a lot of the hesitancy of many people in this audience about reparations, but I do think there are good cases to be made for it, So I really want to explore that whole topic. That being said, what I hate about the discussion is the hypocrisy that surrounds it because There are a lot of people who think they're in favor of repara, but they've never thought through the idea. They don't know what it means when you're asking for reparations, and a lot of them only have surface level ideas about it. For many people, particularly on the progressive left, I mean, that's where the discussion is really being held. For many people. When they're talking about reparations, they're talking about vengeance, and they want someone to pay, literally and figuratively. And a lot of people who are against reparations say, why should my tax dollars go to correct a mistake that wasn't mine that I don't feel I ever would have made that. I'm not responsible for these people that are long dead and gone, who lived in a totally different time, with a totally different mindset, totally different culture. They're the ones that created this industry, or I don't know it's fair to say they created it. I think we've always had slavery, but they're the ones that capitalized on this industry and which has led to this whole mess and discussion we're in now. And there are a lot of people out there who genuinely feel that way, and the argument from people like Sonny Houston is yet somebody needs to be responsible. You're responsible for what your ancestors did. You're responsible, so the price must be paid, and you're benefiting. That's the other art argument. You're benefiting from the actions of your ancestors. We talk a lot on this show about generational wealth and accrude wealth and how that works and how one of the reasons why a population like the black population just one this is only one, but one of the reasons why the black population has such a large we have such a large portion of our population living in poverty, is we haven't had the time to create generational wealth the way that our white counterparts have. So people like Sonny Hostin say, yeah, you've benefited from this, and that's why you have to pay, because it's not fair. So here's Sonny Houston of the View, famed supporter of reparations in the as a form of vengeance in my opinion, the way she talks about it. She's on the PBS show. It's a great show, Who do you Think You Are? Is that what it's called? I think so? And it's where the host does DNA testing with celebrities and they dig into their ancestry and sometimes there's really fun stuff. Well always, because we've lost so much of our past. Think for any of us, when we find little pieces, it does feel like a bit of a revelation. I have been doing genealogy on my father's side and it's really, it really is interesting to see pictures of people that I didn't know existed, who look just like the people who are around today, and it adds a little something. So it's a great show. I'm just I'm rambling now. It's a great show. It's really interesting. Well, here is Sonny finding out that she is the descendant of slave owners Sunny Houston, famous reparations advocate. Wow, I'm a little bit in shocked. I just always thought of myself as Puerto Rican, you know, half Puerto Rican. I didn't think I was. My family was originally from Spain and slaveholders. So how are you feeling, my friend? I just I think it's actually pretty interesting that my husband and I have shared roots. Yeah, so I do appreciate that, and I think it's great for our children to know this information. I guess it's a fact of life that this is how some people made their living on the backs of others. I guess it's just a fact of life that some people made their living on the backs of others. My issue with all of this, with people like Sonny, with this whole discussion around reparations or even just other controversial topics that have been divided up into left and right, is not the opinion of some people. I don't mind. Obviously, I'm in the opinion game. I don't mind Sonny's opinions on reparations or anyone's opinions on them. Who should get them, who shouldn't, how they should come about. These are discussions. These are opinions. I of course have no issue with people having them. What I do have an issue with is the hypocritical nature in which these people often hold these opinions. I don't mind if you have it, but don't then make yourself the only person who gets out of the consequences, the blame, etc. Etc. It's the same way I think a lot of us have that same feeling about people in Hollywood, people in the entertainment industry. Of course they should have opinions about politics, about Conservatives, about Republicans, about Donald Trump, and sure if they want to say those things on TV while they're getting their fancy award that they aren't only getting because people like you and me. Okay, that's fine too, but don't act like you're above it. That's your assigning perverse motives and hatred and deception and selfishness to half the country based on who they voted for in single election. But that's the life you're living in Hollywood, right. You're selfish, You're deceptive, You cover up bad behavior, You influence in ways that you know aren't positive. You make compromises that you know are bad for you and the people around you. You look the other way while people are being hurt, while women are being harassed, while children are being abused. You are the person that you say you hate. So I don't mind that you have these opinions. Just don't assign all of these horrible descriptions to people who think differently than you. When you're the guilty party, you're the one engaging in all of this, at least say hey, yeah, but that's just my business. What I'm saying is I still believe in reparations, right, you know, just own it, is what I'm saying. Of course, of course, they never will. That's the nature of deception. You're even deceived yourself. But that is really my problem, and that's my problem, and I think a lot of people's problem with stunny hostin here. It's not that it's not her opinion on reparation, which she can hold and even defend if she has half a brain to not totally convinced of her ability to reason, but then to end like that, well she didn't end the clip. This was a whole show, but for that clip ended right there to say that, well, this is just how people made their living. Well, yeah, okay, maybe now you can understand why there are so many people out there who don't believe in reparations and who feel uncomfortable about it and don't like having to take the blame for what their ancestors did. Look at what your ancestors did. Are you going to start apologizing to everybody you meet who looks like they might be descended from slaves? Are you going to give up your job on the view to somebody who is a descendant of a slave that your ancestor enslaved? But of course not. But you expect that from everyone else. You're expecting the apologies and the foot washing and the kneeling and the apologies for white privilege and all the critical race exercises. You expect everyone else to do that, but here you are so all. I didn't know you know, And I'm sure Sonny would say, I didn't watch this whole episode. I'm sure Sonny would say, well, I just I didn't know that this person was in my family, and I certainly never would have approved of this. So I don't think I'm responsible. Are you responsible, Sonny for slavery in America? I don't know if anyone asked her that question. But the reason why I saved this clip is because it went viral because of her views on reparations and her very unforgiving views about race relations period. But that is the ugly underbelly of this discussion that no one wants to talk about when we're talking about slavery in America and reparations. The fact is this is a wider issue in human history and that needs to be taken into account as well we're having the discussion. So I saved that clip. Now I can unsave it. Let's move on to the next clip I have saved here. Oh, okay, this guy was really interesting. This guy is a Harvard professor. He'll hear him. He is black, and this is important to the story. And this was published by the Free Press. I believe that's Barry Weiss's substack, and he was a Harvard professor. He had to go into hiding after he did extensive research on police shootings and his research found that there was no racial bias. And this is a regular looking, nerdy professor type guy, a guy who looks like he loves information, and he was at Harvard, so clearly he was thinking, Okay, I'm going to do some research and whatever the research says as a scientist. All just published that. But apparently it wasn't that easy. So this is a few minutes long, but this is a really interesting story. We collected millions of observations on everyday use of force that wasn't lethal. We collected thousands of observations on lethal force. And it was in this moment in twenty sixteen that I realized people lose their minds when they don't like the result. So what my paper showed you'll see tomorrow like some of you, was that, yes, we saw some bias in the low level uses of force every day pushing up against cars, and things like that. People sent to like that result. But we didn't find any racial bias in police shootings. Now that was really surprising to me because I expected to see it. The little known fact is I had eight full time ras that it took to do this over neil a year. When I found this surprising result, I hired eight fresh ones and redid it to make sure they came up with the same exact answer. And I thought it was robust, and then I went to go give it, and my god, all hell broke loose. It was one hundred and four page, dense academic economics paper with one hundred and fifty page appendix. Okay, it was posted for four minutes when I got my first email, this is fullish, doesn't make any sense, And I wrote back, how'd you read it that fast? That's amazing? You are a genius. And I had colleagues take me into to the side and say, don't publish this. You're ruin your career. I said, what are you talking about? I said, what's wrong with it? Do you believe the first part? Yes? Do you believe the second part? Well, it's the issue is they just don't fit together. We like the first one, but you should publish the second one. Another time, I said, let me ask this if the second part about the police shooting, this is a literal conversation. I said to them, if the second part showed bias, do you think I would should publish it then? And they said, yeah, then it would make sense. And I said, I guarantee you I'll publish it. We'll see what happens. So it was. It was. You know, I lived under under police protection for about thirty or forty days. I had a seven day old daughter at the time. I remember going and shopping for it because you know, when you have a newborn you think you have enough diapers. You don't. So I was going to the grocery store to get diapers with an armed guard. It was crazy. It was really truly's crazy. That guy's name was Roland Fryar. Roland Fryar, and you can see that interview on the Free Press, that's Barry Weiss's site, and I just thought that was it was. It was fascinating, but it also disturbed me because I don't think we are disturbed enough about what this man went through. Now, thank God for people like Barry, and thank god that she is a truth teller, and she lost her job at The New York Times for reporting honestly on some issues. And because of that we get to we get the benefit of her, of stellar reporting like this. She goes and finds stories that other people wouldn't dig into. But it reminds me of the Brett Weinstein story. Right at Oberlin. He was a professor at Oberlin College and his life was as well. And they had to run for their lives from a college campus, not from North Korea or communist China. They had to duck in the backseat of a car because Brett would not give students the day off. I believe it was an exam day. He would not give students the day off of an exam because some conservative speaker was on campus. They wanted a mental health day because they felt threatened. And his response was very diplomatic and academic. We are an an institution of education and we won't let hatred I mean, he was a liberal. We won't let hatred stop us from arming ourselves with knowledge so we can go out and make change in the world. And they chased him off of the campus. They threatened his life. This guy, this Harbord, professor, This black man, who is in one of the rarest positions in the country, made exceedingly rare, if that's even a term you can use, exceedingly rare by the fact that he is a black man. This man had to have an armed guard. Because he did research and publish the research. He didn't make a claim. He didn't take it on Alex Jones, you know, he didn't take it to Fox News. He published this report as a professor at Harvard. But because the report didn't say what people wanted it to say, he instantly was labeled a trader or racist dangerous, And I think this is dangerous. I think what happened to him is absolutely frightening. I've said it on this show before, but I was reading a book about the Communist Revolution in China with my daughter. She was reading it for school. I think it's called The Red Scarf, and it was about it. It's the story of a young woman she wrote it, who came of age during the Communist Revolution. And one of the things that they did was label people who were truthful in arts or academics as traders, as problematic. It just started out as that just this person's problematic should he really be saying out there that communism causes more poverty, not less. Should he really be out there saying that? Should he really be out there saying that people should own their own property. That sounds like somebody who wants to take your property. That sounds like somebody who's greedy. Then they started labeling landlords. They started using the term landlord as a slur. Right, they started using the term professor as a slur. They start turning people on the idea of information and logic, and then the government does that by scaring people by saying, this isn't just bad information, this is danger This guy is dangerous. He's so dangerous that we would be doing our country, or our area, or our school a moral good if we rid this area of him, if we rid ourselves of this person. I just thought that was so fascinating. As far as the conversation around police brutality, I've talked about it at length on this show, and his research showed a side of this conversation that we're just simply not allowed to have because I have talked about bias that can come when you serve communities that are high crime, right, I've talked about talking to that police officer in my hometown of Gary, Indiana, and him saying, oh, I might be biased. I might be, but Gary is mostly black, and I come into this city every day and I only deal with the worst of the worst. Here. No one's calling me to come to the scene of a birthday party to thank you. You know, I'm seeing people in their worst moments, and so maybe that does sort of seep into my spirit and makes me more suspicious of people who look like that. He wasn't saying that he was that way, but he was admitting that that is something that can happen. So I surely believe. Yeah, if this is all you see all the time of one group of people, it certainly would be hard not to let that create some kind of internal bias, conscious or otherwise. But the other side of that is that police shootings aren't more prevalent in the black community than they are in other communities. The other side of that is this might be an issue that's more related to class than race. But of course there is the issue. And I say this all the time. If people are complaining about something, maybe it's because they have something to complain about. So maybe we don't need to be so missive of people who are complaining about it. But that's neither here nor there. When it comes to this clip, this man was saying, I did the research, I did it twice just to make sure, and my report wasn't even out four minutes. It was one hundred and four pages. It wasn't even out four minutes, and people were telling me that it was dangerous because they read one line, which was probably the summary or the conclusion. You have to include that in a research report. They read one line and it didn't line up with their worldview. So instead of being curious about why he got this result, the response was straight out of the Communist China Handbook, which was to villify the researcher, villify the purveyor of the information, and then that negates all the information period. That's why the mainstream press villifies people in alternative media or right wing media like myself, where to where we're made caricatures, right or we even do this in elections, where we make these people caricatures, and it's much more effective than just ridiculing someone or humiliating someone. It makes every piece of information that comes out of their mouth untrustworthy. Furthermore, wherever they got that information from, that source is untrustworthy. Right. It takes all of the steps of thinking out of processing information and puts it in this little box and says, Okay, this person didn't if the conclusion didn't line up with this worldview, it's wrong. That's it. Not only is it wrong, the person who gave us the information is wrong and dangerously so, and they must be removed from society. So I found that very interesting. Again, that guy's name is Roland, doctor Roland Fryer. Right, let's move on. Let's see what else I have in my treasure box of clips. Okay, this one, okay, this is a relationship one. This one is from a young lady. She calls herself the pedestal Wife on Instagram. And she's sitting in her car, beautiful young woman sitting in her car, and she is telling a story about her brother who just got engaged. And I'll let her tell the story and then we'll talk about it. You're gonna laugh because I bring this topic up probably once an episode in some way or another on this show. You're gonna laugh that this is a clip I saved. But she's got a good word here. Everybody listen, particularly the ladies out there looking for her husband. My brother just married a woman he's only known for seven months. Congrats to my brother and I love him right. But this is the twist. He was with a woman for ten years. Everything she asked my brothers to do, he is doing for this woman that he has only known for seven months. Bottom line, bro, I love you if you're watching this, but I had to share it. Stop begging these men to do things you need to be done, because he is not going to change for you. He will never be the man you need him to be because you are not the woman that he wants to be with. People change for who they want to change for. Stop preaching and start waiting patient. People change for who they want to change for. I thought it was very apt this clip came was reintroduced to my attention because this week. Earlier this week, also tweeted I guess went viral. A lot of people were commenting on it, so I commented on it too. This young lady tweeted out a question for a friend. She says, I have a friend who's been in a row relationship for five years. She's thirty two now he's thirty five. He says that he loves her but doesn't feel ready to move in or commit thoughts. So always, my first piece of advice to ladies is this, it should not take very long for a man to decide if he wants to marry you, not if he's ready, because I don't believe any man is ready for marriage. I don't even think that that is. I don't know that anyone's really ready for it. There might be men who want it, but they're not going to be ready until they are facing the right partner. And so this man who's strung this girl along for five years, he says, I love you, but I'm not ready to commit. Then our do you love? Because what is love? Does he love you? If he's telling you I'm loving you, I love you, but I'm not ready to commit to you, then he doesn't love you. Because love is a choice. Being in love, that's not a choice, that's just a feeling. You fall. That's why they say you fall in love. You don't really have much control over it. But loving someone is a choice, and loving someone is making a choice to commit to say I love you, I want you in my life. My life is not going to get any better without you in it. There's nothing I want to do in my life without you next to me. So let's choose this life together. I'm choosing you. And what's the symbol of choosing you. It's this ring. It's marriage, not moving in. It's not moving in. That's an instant to me that seems like extra insult well, like love you well enough to see if this will be, if this will work out? No, do it or don't make someone choose you. So I know this is hard because as women, we want to believe we love this guy. We want to believe, Okay, he's just not ready. Now he's not ready. Now, No, a man knows. This woman in this clip is saying my brother was with a woman for ten years. That woman was probably asking him for a commitment, and he said, I'm not right, I'm not When he met the right woman, it was seven months. Seven months. My husband and I dated in college. Off and on. We went our separate ways. He was never a great boyfriend, so I dumped him a couple times. When our separate ways came back in our young adulthood came back together. We both lived in the same area, and when we met up again for that first time in years. We knew almost instantaneously. Now I understand I did have those times, those months of dating in college. It probably all added up to one year in college. But when I saw him for that first time after not having seen him for years, I knew. I mean the second I laid eyes on him, I knew. I said it in my mind, Oh, I'm never going to leave this guy again. And he knew too. He told me he knew too. We were engaged within two months, and we were married within five. And when a man is ready, he will do it. So if he's telling you I'm not ready, I'm not ready to commit, you need to walk away from that. It's going to do two things. It's gonna bring into sharp focus if he really is, because he might be. He might need that jolt to know, oh, this is what my life looks like without her. But you shouldn't present that as an ultimatum. You should be ready to walk away and find something else. Because when a man knows, he knows. So ladies, stop wasting your time. This thirty five year old man has all the time in the world. He can have kids until the day he dies. Your timeline is significantly different. It is significantly shorter. If you want marriage and a family, those are things you have to be intentional about and go after early. And we could do a whole episode and probably have on what it means to go after that, but just to be succinct, it just means setting an intentionality. I know that's sort of a new age sort of TikTok therapist's way to speak, but it is being intentional about it. Just because you put out an energy, you put out a vibe for a lack of a better term, you put out a vibe. And if your vibe is needy or if your vibe is no, I'm all about me right now, I'm getting my bag. And then then I'll think about that's the energy you're going to put out, and you'll attract that, right So you'll attract people who don't want to commit, you'll attract people who just want to use you for the time being. You're not exuding an energy that welcomes suitors. And that's just that's a quick, vague overview of the topic. But I thought what she had to say is really good and in conjunction with that tweet, by the way, what I answered that tweet and One of the things I said was a lot of this will he won't they stuff gets worked out. Ladies. I'm gonna say something controversial here. It gets worked out if you save sex for marriage. And I know that that's not very popular these days because everything around you, even most conservatives these days, believe, oh, living together before you're married is the next natural step towards marriage. Actually it's not. It delays marriage that statistical and it delays children. So ladies, do not do that. If you think that's going to push him to marriage faster, it's actually not. And you may say, well, I moved in with my boyfriend and we were married within a year, but you might have been married within six months had you not done that. Marriage is the prize. Do you understand what I'm saying? You living in his home as his partner and you investing in him is the prize. That the prize. So if you give him half that prize, just enough to keep him interested, you know, how hard is it going to work. I know that that sounds unromantic because what we want to believe is this, a man is going to come along and he's going to see you, and you think you're the most beautiful person on earth and immediately sweep you off your feet. But there, but the male female fe the male female dynamic is a dance. This I have talked about on this show. It's a dance, and if you know the steps, it's a lot easier to find a partner. But ladies, you're not doing yourself or him any good by hanging on. I don't like to put time limits on these things. But if you're not if you're with a man for a year, if you're dating a guy for a year and the topic of marriage has not come up, then that's not the one unless you're not interested in marriage. But let me tell you that someday, statistically speaking and anecdotally speaking, you probably will be and you probably will be in interested in children. Most women are, statistically speaking, and so you can date around to play around, but just know you don't have all the time in the world, and someday it's going to be harder. And while you're getting older and the men you want a date getting older, the women they want a date getting younger. That's another brutal reality because most men are driven to pro create and they want a family, and they're gonna want to be with younger women who can provide that. It sounds cruel to say it so bluntly, but I don't think people have been saying it bluntly enough. I was talking to a relative recently. She's going to be thirty four, I think, get ready to turn thirty four, get ready to turn thirty five. And she's talking to a guy and she thinks that she really loves him and wants to be with him. And I said, okay, does he love you and want to be with you? And she said, yeah, that's what he says. And I said, okay, well, what are y'all waiting for? Do you want kids? She said, yeah, I want kids. I want four. She's damn near thirty five years old. She said it just like, yeah, I want four kids. What's the big deal? And so I said, look, I'm gonna be blunt with you. You don't have all the time in the world at thirty five. You're gonna be lucky to squeeze out one. Think about Okay, I'm gonna go to this guy how long it's going to take us to plan a wedding? And then how many How long is he going to make me wait before we have kids? You have. You had that discussion, and then it takes nine but really ten months to cook up a baby, so you're dang near forty by the time you've got one. It's not real. This timeline of yours is not realistic. And she was like, dang. She was like, you don't really mince your words, do She was hurt to hear it, but you know, she also was a little you know, she chuckled a little bit, like that was harsh. But I was like, yeah, but has anyone ever said that to you before? And she said no, And I'm like, no, those people aren't doing you any favors. I'm going to be brutally honest with you. As a woman. This is not the same conversation I would have with the man. As a woman. You do not have all the time in the world. Set your intentions early. And if the man is dragging his feet is because he, I'm sorry, he doesn't want you. How many times, ladies, or how I should say how many times? But how many of you ladies are out there? You were with a guy that you were deeply in love with, You thought you had forever in your future, You really wanted it. He just never could seem to take that last step, and you waited and waited, and finally, after years, or after far too long, however long let me be. You leave, You end the relationship, and it's brutal and your heart broken, and it takes you ages to get over it. And you find out in six months he's engaged to be married and two years later he's got a family. How many of you have experienced that? Many women have experienced that. It wasn't that he wasn't ready to get married when he was with you. It's that he didn't want to be married to you, because if he did, he would have asked you. This is another reason why women shouldn't ask men. Women push men into I believe a lot of cohabitations women pushing men, and men just sort of taking that half assed step because they're like, well, I don't want to lose her, because you know I do love her, but I don't want to be married, he's saying. When he's saying I don't want to be married, he's right now, he's saying, I don't want to be married to you. You're better than that, You're worth more than that. Go find there is somebody out there who does want to be married to you most likely, all right, so I'll get off my soapbox. And I also do know for a fact that there are women in my audience who are older. You know, they're older, They aret a different point in their life, and the dating game is completely different when you're on the older end. And so I'm really speaking to you and hoping I'm catching you while you're younger. Because these older women, they write to me, and they have a lot of different things to say. Mostly it's regret, almost exclusively almost Actually, I'll say this, the communications that I've received exclusively harbor a lot of regret for maybe not pushing outside their boundaries, not being more intentional, maybe pushing someone away early on who you should have given more of a chance to. Just lots of different regrets that it's not because these women were most of them weren't out there just sort of hardcore feminists like I don't need a man. They weren't like that, they weren't acting like that, but they weren't focused on what they wanted for what they might want for the future. All right, So take this woman's advice heat stop waiting patiently for a man. Stop you don't need to wait. He'll know. Men, No, he'll know, And I'm sorry that. The hard truth is somebody out there might need to hear this right now. The hard truth is, if he's telling you he's not ready to get married, what he means is he doesn't want to marry you. And that's okay. That's not a reflection on who you are. That's not a reflection on your value. What is a reflection on your value is if you stay with that person, and that tells me you don't value yourself enough or what you have to offer. And don't move in with your guy. Don't move in with them. If you're living with them now in the hopes of getting married and you want to speed up that marriage proposal, move out. And if he breaks up with you because you moved out, there's your answer. And if he proposes to you because you moved out, there's your answer. Don't live with the guy. It's bad news. Go to my cohabitation episode. I know so many out there right now. You're listening to this while you're living with your man right now, and you're going, that is so old. Don't kill the messenger. Okay, let's move on. Okay, this one here's the guy explaining introverts to us. I I'm pretty sure I saved this one, and do I have an episode on this. I'm pretty sure I saved this one because I am so sick of these reels about introverts popping up. You know you're an introvert when people want small talk, but all you want to do is is get to the deep conversation. I hate when people say that because the intention, often with which it is said is more along the lines of I'm too smart for small talk. I'm too much of a deep thinker to engage in the surface level socializing. And as somebody who probably if somebody were to test me, maybe I would be an extrovert introvert. Everybody who means me would say, I'm very extroverted, but I don't get energy from extroverted activities. They drain me and then I spend a lot of time alone. But I don't look at it as introvert extrovert. I'd look at it as just a personality trait. Like So, this is another issue with this whole self diagnosis culture, this whole idea that we've taken personality traits and made them an entire identities. And that's my issue with all this introvert extrovert stuff. Sometimes it's fun or interesting, but most of the time, I'm just like, you're just trying to come up with an excuse for not pushing through your discomfort in social situations which everyone has everybody listen to me as the person who's always the extrovert in the room, the life of the party, the person you want in the room when everyone else feels awkward as that person. I I'm telling you, we all feel awkward in social situations. I don't feel any more comfortable than you do. I don't feel I worry about being judged. I feel insecure. I worry about how I look, how I talk, all of the little quirks that I have. I feel all. I don't want to be in this new room with new people. I feel the same way. The only difference between me and you is I'm pushing through that. The way that I push through it is to is to be extroverted, right, is to press in. So instead of waiting for people to come to me or not come to me. Maybe this is a thing about rejection. I don't want to be rejected, so I make sure that I press in first, I start the conversation, I ask the questions. I get to know people. The fun thing about that is when you do that, then you really get to know interesting people. And Okay, so I'm talking and this guy hasn't even spoken yet. Let's plug the I'm just giving you the explanation for why this clip caught my attention. Here's a guy he's like, I don't know if he's a real professor, but he's doing a little diagram. I mean his handle says, doctor says doctor Scott Eiler's he's doing a little diagram on a whiteboard, and he's talking about why introverted, Why it's so hard for quote, socially skilled introverts to connect with other socially skilled introverts. Some of us who are the most prone to getting irritated or frustrated in social situations are introverts with a high level of social skills. We know how to interact with other people. We're pretty good at reading situations and reading emotions, but we find it really exhausting or draining to do so. It would be great if you could surround yourself with other socially skilled introverts. The problem is that when you meet. Because you both have a relatively low drive for socializing and a relatively high degree of social skills, you both recognize that neither person really wants a lot of socializing, and you tend to just kind of pass like ships in the night. People who you're most likely to attract and engage with are low social skill level extroverts, people who really want to be around you and really want to talk to you, but aren't great at reading how interested or engaged you are in the interactions. You might be too kind, too polite, or maybe even just too shy to tell this person that they're absolutely driving you nuts and you have no interest in the things that they're telling you about, and they aren't skilled enough to pick up on the subtle hints that you think you are dropping. Okay, everybody, I don't care if you're an introvert or an extrovert. If you're in a social situation, particularly with people you've just met, it's never okay for you to tell somebody that what they're talking to you about is not only uninteresting, but that they're annoying. That's not polite, that's impolite. So it's not that all you're too kind, or you or you're too this, or you're too shy, and that's the problem, and that's what. No, you're having an interaction with someone, it's somebody that you don't find particularly interesting. But guess what you do? You make small talk with that person anyway. You don't go, well, I'm a socially skilled introvert and you're a low skilled extrovert. That's ridiculous too, I guess because the extrovert might not pick up on so. But sometimes extroverts, sometimes we do pick up on it. Sometimes we are picking up on it that you're annoyed, but it doesn't matter because we're in a social situation and we know that you can't just sit there and say nothing and do nothing right, because then it's not a social situation anymore. Somebody's got to do the talking. So we're helping you out. I just think people are people have made introvert extrovert, particularly introvert, I think entire identity and it's just a personality trait. It's okay if you're introverted and you're not the type of person that's going to walk into a room and immediately start talking to people. I get that. That's me I am that person. But again I just explained it to you. It's not because I don't want to stand in the corner and not be bothered. It's because I'm in a social situation, so I need to socialize. And if you don't push yourself outside of those boxes, those boundaries, those identity boxes that you've put yourself in, you're not going to meet the interesting people. You're not going to meet the quote socially skilled people who will have the deeper conversations with you, who will have conversations about things that interest you. You won't even know what you're interested in because you're not curious enough to push past your discomfort to discover new things. How do you discover new things? You ask people questions, and then the answers that you hear you go, oh, I didn't know that before. That's something I'm into that I didn't know was a thing before I had this socially awkward conversation pushed through it. Introverts. I'm so tired of all these excuses. I'm an introvert, so I it's not that I'm just awkward, It's just that I'm interested in more, deeper, more deep conversation I'm too intellectual for the small talk. Go back and listen to my episode on small talk. I hate that. No, just deal with it. You're shy, you have an introvert or personality, big deal. Push through the discomfort or stay home. But don't be blaming everybody else for not getting you low socially skilled extroverts. I the extroverts. We're doing all the heavy lifting here. We're doing all the heavy lifting, and then we're getting blamed for it. All right, I've got two more clips. Okay. This clip is from John Stewart's first week back at The Daily Show. Like a lot of traditional media, the Daily Show has seen decline in ratings, particularly after their very popular host Trevor Nola left and because gen Z has zero sense of humor. As to many millennials these days, a lot of people have been looking to John Stewart and remembering, Oh, remember back in the day when John Stewart found could find most things funny. I mean, he was still very liberal, but I think because everything's so crazy now, we remember him in a softer light. But I think people are saying, well, John Stewart, he's liberal, but he's split the difference. He's from a saner time. He's funny, let's bring him back. So they brought him back. Unfortunately, the landscape has changed dramatically since the decade or so John Stewart has been off the scene at the Daily Show. Used to be a large portion of millennials got their news from the Daily Show, a sketch comedy show, a parody show. They got the majority of their news from there, and so a lot of the headlines, a lot of the jokes. It can all work because people are only getting their information from their cue to laugh. Oh okay, that is funny. Now all of these kids have all these social media, they have all of these reels that I'm discussing. Now, they see bite sized clips of different things, types of opinions from different shows, and they're told how to think by other people besides John Stuart. Suddenly, how John Stewart thinks sounds archaic. Suddenly John Stuart's type of humor sounds archaic because he's no longer the purveyor of news is the Daily Show no longer sets the tone for a generation in news. So he got a lot of backlash because he went on back on The Daily Show just being John Stewart just being regular liberal funny guy, not a conservative liberal funny guy. But he also recognizes I think he recognizes two things. A. He recognizes that we have a lot of good material in this president. Right. If anybody was ripe for ridicule, it's Joe Biden. So he's seeing that there's a lot of jokes being left on the table. But the other thing is he is very well aware of the criticism coming from the other side. Oh you'll criticize this guy, but not this guy. You'll criticize, you'll make jokes about one side, But where's the funny for the other side? Can't we laugh at everybody? He's well aware of this criticism, and I think he's responding to it. So keep all that in mind as we listen to this clip. Because he debuted as a return host of The Daily Show and the response was well underwhelming, here's John Stewart talking about it on the next Daily Show. Frankly, the response to the first show last Monday was universally glowing. John Stuart is facing massive backlash from Democrats over his comments about Joe Biden. Oberman tweeted, well, after nine years away, there's nothing else to say to the both side as fraud. John Stuart bashing Biden, except please make it another nine years. Christy Jackson tweeted, sorry, but I won't be watching you either. Maybe not a universal. Well that was on Twitter. Everything on Twitter gets a backlash. I've seen Twitter tell abordoodles to go for themselves aperdoodles. I just think it's better to deal head on with what's an apparent issue to people. I mean, we we're just talking here, and Mary Trump tweeting, not only is Stuart's both sides are the same rhetoric not funny, it's a potential disaster for democracy. Joe, it was Joe. I did twenty minutes of one. Joe. But I guess, as the famous saying goes, democracy dies in discussion. I have seen against you. I'm sorry. It was never my intention to say out loud what I saw with my eyes and then brain. I can do better. Even in that clip, you can tell that the audience is somewhat unsure how about what they should be laughing at? And this is what I want to say to John Stewart and to the Bill Mahers of the world, These older liberals, these classical they're not I wouldn't even call them classical liberal guys. But they're liberal guys, old school liberal guys from a different time in this nation's discourse. And Bill and John, you'll hear them say, hey, I didn't leave liberalism. I didn't leave the Democrat Party. I'm still a liberal Democrat. They left to me, I'm still standing in the same spot. And they just pulled so hard to the left it makes it look like I ran away from them, but I didn't. I'm still this person and it's them that are going crazy. But see, here's what I remember, John and Bill. Back in the day and even now, you guys were grossly critical of people who call themselves conservatives and Republicans. You were rude, you were dismissed of. You compared us to Hitler Nazis. You called us all white supremacists. You intimated these things about people like me numerous times over the years, particularly back when you were in your heyday of television, and you got a lot of laughs about it. And you made a lot of harsh judgments based on limited information about people on the right, and a lot of that was rooted in our dismissal of concepts like politically correct speech right. You labeled us as prudes for wanting to hold to public decorum, or wanting to have prayer in schools, or not wanting to change the definition of marriage, or not wanting to give into this new thing of political correctness that came in being suspicious of motives of big unions like teachers' unions or big government unions. You labeled us prudes and elitists, and you said such cruel things about us, when all we were trying to tell you was that the way you think now will lead to this huge slide in values and morals and constitutional application. We saw back then where you were where that would end up. Now you've ended up here, So that's what it's not. You weren't okay then, you weren't thinking okay. Then your thinking was faulty then, and we were trying to tell you, if you don't stop this, if you don't change course, we're going to end up in a day and age where words don't have meaning, which means the government or some other big wealthy entity like a social media giant, can come in and tell us what to say and tell us how we can say it. They'll make us censor our words. They'll make us censor our ideas. If you change the definition, the traditional definition of marriage for everyone will end up in a time when words that discern differences between human beings have no meaning, and then it will be utter chaos. We were telling you then that this is where we would end up. You were wrong then, and you're still wrong. But you were wrong to call us the bad people when all we were trying to do was to show you the road ahead, and you didn't want to hear it, and you wanted to be rude and dismissive, and you didn't want to have the discussion. And now you want to have the discussion because now you're on the receiving end of all this censorship and this ridiculousness. But it's your fault in the first place. We tried to tell you that that's where you're thinking was going to get you. Now we're all here, Welcome back, John. One more clip. Oh, this is a fun one. This is a really fun one. I thought this was so cool. I'm kind of a language nerd. I love doctor John mcwater. My reels are full of clips from linguists, and I love the origin of language and how things developed, how we speak all of that stuff, and so this clip came up, and it is just a quick primer on the word hello. I thought it was fun something I didn't know until today. You know of the song this frog sings in the old Looney Tunes cartoon Hello my Baby, Hello my honey, Hello my rac Well, that song is a novelty song making fun of the word hello, which was new when the song came out. See the word hello as a greeting only goes back to the invention of the telephone. You may have heard the trivia that when Alexander Graham Bell was developing the phone, he wanted people to shout the word ahoy into the phone when they answered, And was Thomas Edison who convinced people to start saying hello, which prior to that that word was used to express surprise. It wasn't something you would say as a greeting to someone in the street. You would say good morning or something like that. So that song from eighteen ninety nine was a novelty song making fun of this crazy new slang that everybody was doing on this wacky new invention. In fact, lots of our greetings and gestures are way more recent than you think the high five that was invented in my life time in the mid seventies. The term high five wasn't added to the dictionary till nineteen eighty. A little interesting information about high five? I thought that was so I did, do you know, a quick Google search about hello, and yeah, he's right. Everything that I found in my two seconds of research confirmed that. But I just think it's so interesting that it was a word that really was express surprise, which makes sense because the technology of a telephone call must have been very surprising. To hear someone's voice and the other end of a wire of a line, that must have been surprising. So I find that interesting. But here's the other thing I find very interesting as well. We don't say hello very much anymore. We say it, I think when we occasionally when I greet people from what I haven't seen in a while, Hello, how are you? But we don't answer our phones that way anymore. Why, Because we all have caller ID, we all know who's calling. So hello became It started out as a surprise, then it became a question, Hello, who is this? Hello? And a greeting Hello. But now what is it? I guess? I guess it's still a question and a greeting, but it's changed. For instance, I will hear maybe a young maybe my daughter, she's speaking to me and I'm engrossed in something else, and she'll be like, hello, you know, hello. I guess we do use it like that. We do use it as an explanation, exclamation, but we're not answering our phones like that anymore. It's no longer a surprise to hear that voice on the other end. And mostly we do a lot of you know, most of our communicating over text. Anyway. I just thought that was an interesting observation. It's not hard to believe that the high five is rather new, but even that's interesting that now it was introduced in a dictionary in the nineteen eighties. We take so much for granted. And I've been thinking about this a lot, and I think this is why I'm interested in the symbology conversation as well, and why it's been plucking at my mind lately, and probably because of my podcast choices lately as well. I'm really into I'm listening to two podcasts. Please don't think I'm crazy, but they're fascinating Hunted Cosmos and Blurry Creatures. These are Christian podcasts. The best way to describe them as Christian Christian paranormal. So it's basically looking at all of the unexplained things in history and eve in today UFO sightings or ghosts or aliens or the gods of ancient all of the stuff, all of the stuff we talk about. But it comes at it from a Biblical and Christian perspective dealing with how do we see these things in the Bible. And I guess what it's been making me think about is how much information we have lost. We have so we have so much access to so much immediate information, but we take that for granted, and we take some of the things that, oh, everyone knows this, or everyone says this, or everyone does this. We don't know why we say this or do that, or think or know that. We don't know why we take it for granted. There's been a huge chunk of human history that is simply lost. We don't know what we knew, but yet echoes of that knowledge have reverberated and will continue to reverberate. And so how much of what we claim to be general knowledge today is derived from really significant events that we've simply forgotten or I don't know. I'm ranting and raving. I know I sound like a crazy person. If my friend Emily is listening to this, she's going, yes, Kiro is one of us now. But I really have been thinking a lot about how much we have lost because of the ease with which we can receive information. Now, we just take so much for granted, and we don't have a lot of curiosity about the past. And we're also deceived about how much we know. Because information is so easy to access, we think we already know everything. And I think there's a lot of knowledge that humans have had that has been lost. Do I sound crazy to you? Write to me jlty at proton mail dot com. Jlty at ProtonMail dot com. Let me know. Am I crazy that I will read your answer objectively because I do want to know the answer to that question. Well, I don't know. That's all I had in the kitchen sink today. You let me know what you thought about any of this. Jlty at proton mail dot com, Hit me up at Twitter at real Kura Davis, and don't forget to subscribe to this podcast, Hit like and leave a rating or a review. I appreciate it. I'm going to try my best. I've got a busy two months coming up. I'm going to try my best to get through this symbology research. If you have any suggestions for books. Right now, I'm reading Maps of Meaning by Jordan Peterson, which is really heavy. I'm definitely not going to make it all the way through. But if you have books or articles that you think I should read on the issue of symbology even body language, I'm really interested in that as well, go ahead and hit me up with your suggestions. I'm open. All right, Well, thanks for listening. I hope you got something out of this. Until we meet again every once in a while, remember just stop and listen to yourself. Opbraiders a mesoda day that we won't with say then we won't to say oh we gott it does? No one can dig that. Owen. This gonna be okay, obraiders all mesoda that we won't with bath then we won't with say oh we got it does? No one can take that, Owen, don't don't be okay. This has been a presentation of the FCB podcast Network, where Real Talk lifts visitors online at Fcbpodcasts dot com.
