This is the FCB Podcast Network. Our prayers soda Day that we won't was said, and we want to stay all we got it? Does no one get take that away? Say it's gonna be okay? Our prayers soda Day that we won't was saying, then we won't was pay all we got it? Does no one get take that away? No don't, was paide it's gonna be okay. Young men today feel like they must be six feet tall, make six figures, and have at least six inches downstairs to get a girlfriend, and so many have given up trying. Why do we have all these dating pool dropouts? That's the topic of today's Just Listen to Yourself with Kia Davis, the podcast where we take hot topics, hot button ideas, and we draw the talking points on those ideas all the way out to their logical conclusion. And today I am inspired by an article I just read you the slug from that article, an article I saw on Twitter, and a lot of the comments that I saw coming out of that article, and it really made me want to discuss this and it's something I think about all the time. It's something that I see, I see the breakdown in society because we have a fundamental breakdown and the relationship between men and women and what our roles are today is going to be a controversial episode. If you are a single woman, I need to tell you this. I want you to focus on the words I'm saying, not the words you're hearing. I get this a lot whenever I and oh, by the way, I'll say this. The reason why I address this to women, I'm not trying to scold my sisters scifically. It's just because I feel like this is a podcast for women today, and I'll maybe I'll try to do one for men, but it's of course it's going to be from my female perspective. I don't know what it's like to be in man with but it's it's worth saying. I think, particularly Christians, spend a lot of time addressing and chastising women and not enough doing the same for men. I do believe that. In fact, my beloved father in law, Vic Davis, I can remember one day we were in church and he was preaching and he had this admonition for the young women. Now please understand, it was an inner city church, so the majority of the young women in our church had our teenage mothers were teenage mothers, and so it was an unusual to have two or three pregnant girl teenagers in the congregation at any time. And he was admonishing the girls, keep yourself chased, hold yourself you you. This is God's plan for your body and marriage, and when it's done correctly, you'll have all these amazing things. You'll have husband, family, our community will begin to be nipped back together. But you're the keeper of romance and you're the keeper of integrity. And he was really just telling young women like be choosy, be choosy, don't just fall for the first guy who says I love you. It was all good advice, It wasn't bad advice. But I remember sitting there thinking because I was leading our youth group at that time, so I was talking to a y'all, a lot of these young women day in and day out, and I remember thinking, well, where's the message for the guys. What do you have to say to the young men who are pressuring them? Because I don't know many young teenage women who who would do the kinds of things that they were doing if they didn't feel pressured by a boyfriend or a potential boyfriend, if they didn't feel desperate for that love, Why wouldn't you speak to the young men about being having integrity and how a woman is supposed to be treated, and how you are supposed to view dating and romance and intimacy. Have that. I never hear you preached that from the pulpit. And he said, because women most visibly bear the brunt of soured romance. It was a decent explanation, right. What he's saying is you're the women when the relationship goes wrong. And I think we can all instinctually agree with this. When the relationship goes wrong, you're left with the scars and the man can move on. If you get pregnant, the man can disappear. He doesn't have to bear a growing belly for nine or ten months. It's closer to ten months. We don't get credit for that. A man doesn't bear that visual burden, not to mention that physical burden, He can walk away from it. A man doesn't bear the burden of nurturing an infant. A man doesn't then bear the scars on his body of carrying a human being. A man doesn't bear the stigma of being a single parent, even those of you who are right thinkers like me, sorry little arrogant, but competent, Even right thinkers like me. I think we all have this tendency to look at a single dad and go, oh, what a great dad. But when we see a single mom, it doesn't feel we're either going, oh, she's doing what she's supposed to be doing. We're sort of brushing it off like obviously that's just normal, or we turn up our noses a bit, maybe on the inside, not on the outside, but maybe there's a part of us that goes, well, what did she do wrong? I think, if we're being honest with ourselves these there is more of a stigma to being a single mom than a single dad. So what my dad was saying was women don't get the same type of grace that men do, so you've got to guard yourself. All that being said, I do think someone needs to go out there and talk to the men, and it needs to not be autate. So today is for the women. And I don't want you to think that just because I say something about general women in general, that I'm talking about your specific situation. For instance, the other day on Twitter, and this is me just setting the boundary for this conversation because it's going to be controversial, and I just I have to live with that. The other day on Twitter, someone made a comment about being older and being disappointed that now that she's ready for dating and family, that the men aren't interested. They're only interested in younger women, and I made a comment saying, Okay, ladies, pay attention to this. It feels like when you're young, you have all the time in the world to have it all, but you can't have it all whenever you want it all. Your time is limited for things like marriage and families, so prioritize those things early. Well. I got a litany of responses from women who are saying, oh, well, it's use you, Kia. But I've been waiting for thirty years for my prince Charming to come along. I've been open to marriage and family and I'm still waiting. So how dare you? Okay? Well, I wasn't talking to you, then, stude. Do you know what I mean? You need to be able to discern between what people are saying and what you're hearing. I wasn't saying that there's something wrong with you because you've been open and waiting, and no man has come along too. I don't know your circumstance. What I'm saying is, ladies in general, please do not put off prioritizing family and children during the peak years for you to have those things, because later on it will not be as easy as you imagine. I'm not talking to the women who did prioritize those things and the man never showed up, You never ran into that person. I'm not talking to you then, So you don't need to be offended because this message won't be for you. But I do think that or women out there who are still under the impression that they can't have it all should have it all, and that there's nothing wrong with being and a hyper independent, aggressive modern woman who seeks to be the financial breadwinner in her family. I think there is something wrong with that. If you want a life partner and a family someday, I think that is the wrong way to go about. So we're gonna talk about this and this idea of hyper independence. I think that is what men are seeing. Modern men, gen Z millennials, they're seeing this hyper independence and they're saying, there's no room for me in here. There's no room for me to play the part I'm meant to play. So that's what we need to talk about. What are men and women supposed to be doing and what aren't they doing? I think the best place to start here is this article. Here's a little slug from the article from the Free Press. Part of this also boils down to this, it's hard for men to find partners at a moment when women are outpacing them both at school and work. Okay, let's stop there. I'm going to break that down. Well, why did that person write it that way? Because fundamentally, this author is recognizing something that they're not saying out loud, but it is a fundamental understanding in their cord. There's a fundamental understanding buried in this sentence that men are providers, and when women take the positions of providers, men feel lost. That's reflected in that first sentence. Moving on, young women now hold one point six million more college degrees than men, and in a growing number of cities, they make as much as or more than their male counterparts. And even if they become mothers odds are four and ten will become the bread winners of their household. Again recognizing underneath that statement is the fundamental recognition that a man is a provider and he and he fundamentally this is going to be my word of the day. I can already tell fundamentally needs to provide for a wife and a family. It's not a state of mind. It is a biological drive. Older women who are established in your careers, when you've decided to go out and date again and you want professional men. I'm going to read a quote from a Twitter commentator here in a bit. It's going to bring this more to light. When you go out into the dating pool of men. Who are your peers, your male peers dating. Are they dating? For the most part? Are they dating women like you with a PhD and a six figure salary and your own home and your own car and your own bag. You're no, they're not, Are they? Who are they dating? Twenty one year old hashtag bimbos? Young women? Look at actor Chris Evans, Captain Marvel. He's forty six years old. He just I think I just called him Captain Marble, forty six y years old. He just got married. I think his wife is twenty four. He could have his pick of any professional, driven, accomplished woman in the industry. Any one of those women he could, he could snap his fingers and have, but he chose someone who's at the start of her life, who's barely even established herself, who barely even knows who she is. Yet as a woman, a marriage changes out a lot. I think I don't think I really became a woman until I got married. Why Because fundamentally, there's that word again, fundamentally at his core and the core of professional men, ladies, these men, these hypothetical men, in this hypothetical situation, at the core, they are driven to provide. When he looks at you, he sees someone who doesn't need anything. You don't need anything from him. You don't need this time, I'm really because you fill your time with. Whatever you don't need is money. You don't need a partner. You got your own bag, you got your own thing going. And you might say that's not fair, but that's life, that's reality. And this is the other thing. This is the other issue I think we're having in modern relationship issues, relationship situations. This is the issue we're having is too many women are rooted in unrealistic expectations of human nature. We can experiment all we want and change the law all we want, but human nature has never changed. Since the beginning of time, since the Garden of Eden, men have been the same and women have been the same, and there have been taming factors for both. There are external factors that right the relationship men and women have in America. It's quite different, of course, than the relationship they might have in Pakistan or Iran, but the impulses are all the same. There are a lot of women who have lost the opportunity for husband, family, and that type of thing because they have been told, you can have it all now, and then later, when you want the rest of it, that'll be there for you too. And I'm telling you that men are not on the same page. Even statistics tell us that as women age, they prefer men around their same age. Makes sense, because girls mature faster. Even when we're younger girls, we prefer at least guys at least a few years older than us. So statistics tell us that women prefer to date their same age. The older they get, the older their partner pool gets. The older men get, the younger their partner pool gets, they don't keep pace with the women. A man's eye, a single man's eye at least hopefully is roving more towards younger women. Those women, just to be blunt, are typically less independent. They're still finding their way, which means there's room for them to grow. You might say that's multible, but I say that's room to grow. So instead of coming into a relationship where a woman's like, I'm already who I am and you have to deal with that and I'm not changing for anybody because I've been doing this thing for fifty five years now, instead of saying that you have a younger partner who's like what, you know what, I'm willing to grow and change. Life is exciting. Let's go for it. One response on Twitter to this article says women don't need to lower their standards. Instead, we need to figure out why men on average are falling so far behind their female counterparts. This is a vastly important question biologically. Most women are simply not going to be attracted to a man they don't see as an equal. There's a lot going on in this. This is a young woman who works inside the beltway, gen Zer, so just keep that in mind. From her point of view, part of this response is spot on. She has landed on an essential truth. I don't think she knows that, but she has landed on an essential truth. We need to figure out why men on average are falling so far behind their female counterparts. So that is a thing that's happening. And she's also seeing She says, women are not going to be attracted to a man they don't see as an equal. Biologically speaking, she says, now, she's almost there, she's almost right. But she uses the word equal, and I would like to replace that with the word provider. It's not that women are looking for an equal. She's young. She may think she's looking for an equal, and maybe she is. I think that might be a mistake, particularly given her rate of success. But what's an equal? What are you thinking is equal? I'm going to assume in the context of the conversation she means financially and educationally speaking, Obviously, you want to get along. You your partner's going to be someone you get along with, and if you're highly educated, it's going to be harder to get along with somebody who has a fifth grade education maybe and doesn't know how to read. That's just that's just the way it goes. Obviously, I get that she thinks education and finance are the key to equality, and I say, no, what women, They don't want equal, they want a provider and some money. Provisions are a symbol of that. If a man makes the same as you or less than you. Biologically speaking, my dear friend, what that does in a woman's mind is triggers the idea that this man cannot provide for the family. And even though you might not find that distasteful, might not, you're not being a snob about it, but just biologically evolutionary speaking, you were looking at that guy going on, he can't provide. So that's I think that's what she means when she says this, You're not going to be attracted to a man they see as equal. So that's part of what's happening. And because women are highly educated now we make up the majority of colleges, were pushing through to the workforce and government, there are a lot of men out there who who are looking at women, going I have nothing to give her because men are providers. Are you guys still with me? O yo YOI Hot topics, the news of the day, in depth, interviews, and a whole lot more. It's The Outlaws radio show subscribe to the show on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you get your podcast today. That's out Laws The Outlaws Radio Show, an FCB podcast. Another responses in general, women fundamentally can't respect or trust a man to be in a leadership role in the relationship or family if she sees him as inferior to her. The only role he can ever have in that situation is that of a man child. Bloody, all have man childs in your houses, and I think that's your fault, not theirs. The solution is not to snuff out the light of women's candles in order to give the appearance that men's candles shine more brightly, but to figure out how to get men's candles to shine more brightly on their own. Merits can tell you the politics of this woman. I have no idea, but I think what she's saying is true. But I also think that's sort of pathetic that what women here when they say men need to be leaders and men need to be providers, is all I need to shrink. Well, no, that that's you totally misunderstanding your role as a woman, and what that is Never I have never felt more powerful or more influential in my life than I have when I became a wife and a mother. I don't need to be a CEO to have influence in this family. That is womanhood. And it also doesn't usurp my husband's authority, influence or job as a provider or equals in the respect that God has created us all in his image, but we do not play and we play equal roles in this house as far as we're both very important, but we do not play the same role. This idea, ladies, that the measure of success is how much money you can make and how you can financially support yourself in a household is demonic. It's evil. It has ruined us. That's a male ideal. This is what I think modern women don't understand that their ideas of what successes are male ideas. So the idea that you're like, well, women are this, and women are that, and women can do this and women can do that, You're not being independent. All you're doing is taking on the mantle of a man. All you're doing is saying, well, I'm conforming to what a man would do to be powerful. It's like when these Hollywood actresses stand up and go, oh, thank God, for my abortion. I'm so glad I had my abortion, because if I hadn't had my abortion, I never would have got this movie role that won me an oscar. Right, Michelle Williams won an oscar and got up there and shouted out her abortion, saying thank you. Well, if I had never had this abortion, I never would have been able to be standing here. And for what she was saying was in order for me to be a strong woman, I had to make my body conform to a man's body. A man doesn't have to worry about pregnancy. And if I don't have to worry about pregnancy, then my body can take on the same function as a man in the professional space, meaning I don't have to exert a production to give birth or something, which is a totally natural process. By the way, that's that's her saying, my idea of an ideal is how a male body functions. Women nowadays are saying, hey, we can be strong, we can be independent, we can be the leaders of the fifth These are all very traditionally male qualities, and you're saying, well, yeah, no, we're going to change your tradition now they're going to be traditional female qualities. Why why do you. But all you're doing is just taking what society says a man is, and you're just translating that. You're just saying, Oh, in order for women to be equal, we need to be more like men. It's just counterintuitive, and that's womanhood instead of recognizing the power and influence that real womanhood, traditional womanhood for lack of a better term, has so the idea, this idea for men to shine, women have to have to hold back their light or even that to have this discussion is what someone like me is saying, Oh, you've got to you've got to be a wilting flower in order to make your man feel good. No, that's perverted too. We have told men for decades now that there's something fundamentally wrong with manhood. We medicate boyhood, we've feminized all of education, and then we wonder why men aren't willing to step up the way we want them to, because every woman wants a man to provide something. Even that woman who said, oh, woman is not going to be attracted to a man who's not her equal, well, no, what she really means is that she's not going to be attracted to a man who seems like he can't provide for the family, and the problem comes a lot of times, a lot of especially the longer you wait, ladies, you get more used to your life. I mean, we all do that, right and I'm used to my life as a married woman. To get you to your life, a certain way, you fold your sheets, a certain way, you do the dishes, a certain way. To welcome somebody into that space at an older age is way more difficult. And then also so is the idea of not being the provider for yourself, of welcoming a man in to be your partner, and it can be a difficult transition for older couples. So I think a woman has to go into a relationship, especially when you're older, if the relationship is really going to thrive. I think women have to go into the relationship understanding that there is a fundamental difference between what a man and a woman provide in a relationship. You do not provide the same thing if you think that your relationship is fifty fifty. If you think that men and women go into a relationship equally and provide each other the same things, then your relationship is doomed to fail. You don't use a hammer and a nail because they both do the same thing. When hammers and nails work together, they build things alone. They're just subjects. Okay, I think men are feeling okay, I think if we're going to dig into this question that this woman asked, how do we help men's lights shine brighter without dimming our own? First of all, ladies, when you feel comfortable in your womanhood and you understand the influence and power you have, the feminine influence and power you have as a woman, when you understand that you don't really have to worry about dimming your light for anyone, do you, guys, imagine that I am the type of woman that dims my light for anyone. I mean, I'm shouting and screaming on this bike every week. What you hear is what you get. I have a reputation in this family. I'm no welting flower. For sure, my light is never dimmed. But would I say that my husband's light shines brightly and he is a leader and a provider of this family, for this family, and that he is the head of this household as bold and expressive and bossy and extroverted and visible as I am me. Kira Davis my husband is the head of our household. I am not the head of this household. He is. That is it is expressed financially and morally. But that is simply natural. It's simply the natural order of our house. He does not have a dim light, but it does flicker differently, so we have to remember. So we have to remember that there one does not preclude the other. I think as this person is saying, so, why do the lights of men feel so dim? The general answer is modern feminism. It has completely destroyed the natural relationship between men and women. But I've wrote down some bullet points. Let's talk through. Some of these men are hunter gatherers, women are nurturers. When that balance is upset, it upsets the relationship. Maybe a good I can already just hear people screaming in their minds already. I'm sorry. Someone needs to say these things out loud. I know they're not popular. I'm sorry. If it's hurtful to you, I don't I'm not judging you. This is just someone needs to say it. So you've heard it. You make the decisions, but someone needs to tell you the truth. So here's an analogy. I would say it's maybe a weak analogy, but I'll do my best here. If you look at a relationship like a building, right, it's something with foundations and walls and windows, and something that needs to be built constructed, and there's something that needs to be maintained. The family, the home, the home base. That's your building. That's the relationship. And then the man leaves that building maybe every day, or if he's going out hunting, he goes hunting ones and weaker ones a month. He goes out to slay the dragon, knock a line, hands over the head, and drag them back to the building and feed the family. And but the woman is the foundation of that building. Both have very important roles to play. But if there is no home for a man to drag his kill back too, what is his point of living? And men fundamentally understand that. That's why when a man doesn't have a purpose, he has lost. The majority of people in the streets are men. I was reading an article from the Salvation Army and it was an old article. It was from the nineteen thirties, and I was talking about the number of drunks, and it was talking about the number of drunks. I'm paraphrasing now, because I don't have this article on hand. I was talking about the number of drunks that were out on the street that was a big issue at that time, and the article was saying, these are largely young, working age men and they're aimless. Why And even at that time, this article was saying because women have been doing more for themselves and government has been providing more for women, and these men are basically aimless there and the article was a little harsh. They're lazy and they don't want to work. And the reason why they're drunk is because they don't have purpose. A man named purpose, and when he doesn't have purpose, he is lost. And we are raising a generation of men with no purpose. That's what that article said in nineteen thirty And nowadays we educate boys to tell them that they have no purpose. We tell them that even their biological sex is worthless, because anybody can be a boy if you just say you are. We feminize our education spaces, we feminize their entertainment. We have aimed every positive program at women. How do we get more women in space? How do we get more women in stem? How do we get more women in the arts? How do we get more women producers? How do we get more women executives? How do we get more women in government? And the only time we're ever talking about men is if they're being toxic toxic masculinity. You may say that that's nothing, but it adds up, Ladies, to you, it doesn't mean anything, because to you, it doesn't mean anything, because, ladies, we're programmed to enjoy being built up. We're programmed to enjoy compliments. That's right, right, girl, you go slay, queen, you got it, you go girl? Right. We love doing that for each other. We love we love hearing it. That's kind of how we navigate life. And we think that men are like that too, and they're not. So we we love it. We love looking around and going, oh, look at all these programs for us, Look at all these these scholarships for us. People are saying, it's women. Women can be powerful too. Women. We love the compliments, so we don't see anything wrong with that, but us on how men work, they and they're responding to it. These are not isolated issues, ladies. That's the lie to many of you are telling yourselves. When I'm sitting here telling you, hey, there's a biolog o, je goal hierarchy. Here there are traditional roles that need to be nurtured and respected, and when they're not, things turned on their head. And you're going, no, that's not it. I know things are on their head, like I can't find a guy that I see as equal to me. I hear that as provider. I don't see a man who can be a provider. But that's not the reason why that can't be it. Okay, Well, you take a look at the around you, at the people who are thriving and what their relationships look like, and don't do it on the surface. Get to know somebody. Get to know a couple. Marriages are very different on the inside than they are on the outside. I'll tell you that much. I'm also really sidebar here. I'm going to read this letter on my next listener response, but I want you to know I think this was from a listener named was it Nancy? Wasn't Nancy. It was a gentleman listener. I apologize and pull up the email, but I will. I'm going to read your email on the next listener response. But he complained that I'm saying the word like too much, and I agree. He pinpointed it as lazy. It's getting lazy, and you're right, like, is a way to stop and think for a second. It's it's like, So, I want you to know that I heard your criticism or your critique, and I took it very seriously and I'm trying. Part of my problem is I'm experiencing a lot of brain fog lately. That just to be totally honest with you, and I'm not sure if that's health related, I have been having a few minor health issues lately, or if that's age related, I am premenopausal. So I want you to know that I heard you and I'm going to try. That's a sidebar, Okay, So all of the mail spaces have been completely emasculated, and we're wondering why boys aren't acting the way we should. But women, Are you expecting men to act like women? No, but they could be a little more sensitive when you want the mac ling women, then no. But they could stop making crude jokes in the workplace. Oh, you want them to be more like women, then, oh, but they could they could stop being so aggressive and assertive, especially when they're asking for things like funding or investing or a raise. Just makes the rest of us look weaker. Oh, you want them to be like a woman. Men and women are not the same. Men and women are not too human creations that are just separated by whether or not you have a uterus. We have feminized every single aspect of American society these days, including entertainment. Disney bought Marvel years ago when we were going through this big transition and into streaming. Disney bought the rights to Marvel. Why because Marvel was a superhero franchise and Disney was considered a princess brand. They all high a huge amount a very high percentage of female fans and little girl fans, and they, like any good business, wanted to expand the market, so they bought Marvel so they could get into the superhero market. Well what did they do five years after they got into the superhero market. They totally feminize the superhero market. And so now every superhero has a feminine counterpart. Go look on Disney Plus and see what's going on in the Marvel universe and the Star Wars universe. Right now, every male has been replaced by a female head. Look at the Mandalorian. People loved that show when it first came out, and what did they do? In season two or three they did a switch a roo where it's still called the Mandalorian, but suddenly the Mandalorian was hardly in it. And now you're oh, oh, it's a bait and switch. Now you're following this female character. We're feminizing everything. Look at this chick that's going out in public, sizing snow White like, well, not now because she's striking, but just like an idiot. She sounds like an idiot. She's going out. Oh, snow White isn't going to be about love and the princess saving anybody, and this young woman being good and kind and sweet, she's going to save herself and be a leader. And we're ascribing, we're denigrating the things that girls and women are traditionally drawn to. Love and kindness and intimacy, romance, the idea of being protected and having a protector. We're throwing that aside, and we're making her more like a man. And then Marvel's making their men more like women. And look at she Hulk. Oh gosh, what a disaster that show is. She Hulk. There's this whole scene. Now if you watch the Marvel movie, so you know Bruce Banner the Hulk. He saved the world several times. He has saved the world. There's an argument to be made he might be as powerful as Superman. These are all geek conversations. I don't even know why I'm getting into it. He's a very powerful superhero. And he has a scene where in She Hulk, they're talking and she's scolding him for being a toxic male and saying, how you don't have to deal with what I have to deal with every day. I'm angry every day because people judge me, they put me in a corner, they stereotype me as a woman, they hold me back as a woman. They talk down to me, they look down at me. You don't know how hard my life is. And she's talking to the guy that saved the world. But we're supposed to look at that speech because she's giving and applaud her. She's just taken down one of the most you know what I mean, intellectually speaking, morally speaking, she's just dressed down one of those powerful men in the world. She's emasculated him. And that's the whole crux of the show. Then that's the whole vibe of Disney Marvel right now, and the results. The proof is in the pudding. You can sit there and be sour about my description of that all you want, but the proof is in the pudding. Disney's lost a billion dollars in the in the last year alone, and that's not just because of the parts. My theory is that the studios want these strikes to go on because they know a purge and needs to happen. They need to purge all these di folks that they were forced to hire by HR and by the Twitter mobs, and those people are losing the money hand over fist because people respond to entertainment that reflects reality in a fantastical way. And men and women are different, and a woman being equal to a man does not mean a woman becoming a man. And that is the message that feminism has been selling us for years, and it is warping the relationship between men and women. Oh my gosh, I'm ranting so much. We tell them all their instincts are toxic, and we elevate men who seek to be feminine, So the man who wants to be more sensitive, we elevate guys like Dylan mulvaney, who says he's a girl now three hundred and sixty five days of being a girl. We give him a bud Light sponsorship. We elevate the feminine in fashion and in music. Well nas Harry styles, it's very feminized. Oh yeah, we had rock and rollers back. It's not new. There's David Bowie and even in medieval times you had men like that. But now we've idealized. Let's look at the rise of K pop. Look at how popular K pop is. I'm obsessed with the cultural spread of K pop. It's fascinating. But look at the young men that are considered hot and K pop. To my western forty nine year old eyes, they're very feminine looking, extremely look like girls. I was talking to my gay BFF recently. He was saying the same thing. He's like, I don't understand these K pop stars look like young women. And I once asked my son, because he's into all types of Asian culture and particularly in entertainment, which is not unusual for a boy from southern California, a high Asian population, so we there's a lot of cultural overlap here. And I asked him, I'm like, what is it that the girls find so attractive? I look at these boys, and I see little girls. And he said he was seventeen when he said this. I still remember, and I think it was very astute. He said, girls like seeing themselves reflected in the boys that they like, so those boys look more like them. And I was like, WHOA, that sounds like narcissism. And he asked me what narcissism was, and when I told him, he was like, yeah, pretty much to his teenage boy eyes. And he was one of those boys who was like, I don't I don't know how to navigate the dating pool when I come from a traditional family and what these girls are asking of me these days as bizarre. He never knew how to navigate that he's in college now. It's probably probably a lot never in college now. I don't ask and don't want to know. But he did recognize then that the girls were self self absorbed and self obsessed, probably thanks to social media, and I think this is another problem. Hot topics, the news of the day, in depth interviews, and a whole lot more. This is The Outlaws Radio Show. Subscribe to the show on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you get your podcast today. That's out a Us. The Outlaws radio show, an FCB podcast. Social media is warping mating standards. It's allow it's allowing for the swiping. This is a male problem and a female problem. So if I do an episode aimed at the guys later and I think I will now one of the things, I'm probably gonna pinpoint this is a problem for both sexes, both genders. Dating apps seemed great in the beginning. I was all for them, but now they are a scourge. They are a scorge not only because it allows you to be so casual and just visual, but it allows you to fall for the lie that the person that is right for you is going to have all the qualities that you want. If I had to write down what I thought was going to be the perfect husband for me when I was sixteen or seventeen, so I had friends that wrote that and they got what they wanted. But if I had written down at sixteen what I wanted in a husband, I never would have had. I would not be married to the man I'm married to right now. He is the opposite of everything I would have told you that I needed, except that he was a Christian. I knew I wanted a man who believed in God and who was a godly man obviously or maybe not obviously, but that's what I wanted. Besides that, he never checked off one other box. And in fact, the first time he asked me out, I only went out with him because no boy had ever asked me out before. I had never been asked out on a date before. Do we day that he was my first boyfriend? And honestly he was my first boyfriend because I was like, well, what's this about? And it developed now it was a year's long process, but we did not We were on again off him for many years. We came together later on in our lives, but that initial meeting with him, that initial relationship, I was like, Wow, he's nothing like he was. He was popular, he was a jock, he was a football player. He was fashionable and handsome and kind of a player, and all the girls loved him, and he just that was just the I was a theater geek, you know. He was just the opposite of everything that I thought I would be. I would gravitate towards. So the dating apps give you the false idea that what you see listed loves going to the beach, loves dogs, hates Chihuahua's that you see that and go, oh yeah, that's a match. That's a match. That's a match. And then you don't give the people who might be quality people even the first chance to meet you and get to know each other and dig in deeper. That's where you find when you're compatible. So dating apps take away that first level of finding someone who's compatible, that necessary first level of meeting someone and then making decisions based on the layers that you peel off. Now, once you click on a date and you set up a date, yeah, then you can use that date to do that. But that's you starting at step two and eliminating step one, and that's becoming a real problem for people. So social media is having a deep, deep effect on how women are choosing their mates, and not in a good way. Well, Kira, if look the reality, no matter what you say about what's traditional, the reality today is is that women, most women need to work, especially if you live in an urban area, it's highly affordable. Most women need to work, women are educated. It doesn't matter how you wish it would be, Kira, the reality is something different these days. So what about women who make more than their husbands earn more than their husbands, are more hold more influence and power than their husbands, or than their potential husbands. What about us? What are we supposed to do? I will admit to you that I am not completely I do not completely have the answers for you. This is all I can offer you is what I know as a strong willed, very independent and stubborn wife of twenty six almost twenty seven years. All I can do is tell you this. You're right. The reality is often different than what we wish it could be. So what should that look like? I think if you do, there are relationships that can work where the woman makes more. If you do, you have to understand that provider and nurturer, man and woman, hunter, gatherer and help meet. That's a very Christian term, but Christians will know what I mean. These are not roles that are based in finances. They're based in function. So you can make more money than your husband, But does he function as the head of your family and the head of your household? If your response to what I just said is, we're not. He's not the head of the household. We're equal partners in everything we do. Every decision gets made equally. There is no head of the home or if your response is, well, I respect him, but I'm making most of the money, so I'm making most of the decisions about where this stuff goes, and he just has to deal with it. That's a disaster in the making. And you are wrong. You are seeing this wrong. You are not. You are formed equally because we are all made in the image of God, and we all have equally important roles to play, but our roles are different. And your husband is that is biblical. The husband is the head of the house. What does that mean. That's a whole other conversation. I don't think I have time from or because I've been rambling for so longth but head of the household is more than just a paycheck. The head of the household is that this is my domain, my kingdom. And then right here, let's let the Bible explain and I'm not doing a good job. Let the Bible explain it it. Proverbs twelve four. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. But she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Are you, as a wife providing a home that a husband can feel proud of, whether or not you're in the home. I'm not saying you've got to be folding clothes. I don't know if you all think that's what I'm doing all day. Even when I was to stay at home mom, I wasn't doing that all day, but you I'm not saying that I've had to do so many qualifying. I have felt like I've made so many qualifications, and it's because I think women are so sensitive about this. But I think women are so sensitive because most women understand that there's something fundamentally wrong without they're viewing relationships these days, and it hurts to admit that. But I'm making it me feel like I have to qualify everything and I shouldn't. It's taking up too much time. So are you creating a home that he can feel proud of, whatever however that looks like for your family, for my family, just by way of example, if this helps you, what when we were young, when I was a young mother, making a home my husband could feel proud of for me meant keeping the home together. I'm not even going to pretend you guys that I was ever a good housewife or I just I'm messy, I'm disorganized, and I don't mean that, you know how some women say that and they're like, oh messy, there's that like again and they say, oh, I'm so messy. And you go there a house and it's just a couple of blankets not folded up or something. I'm five steps away from being on hoarders. I'm not a clean person, so I'm not pretending. But to keep a home that he could come home to and feel comfortable to walk into, to be a woman who was respected on my community. So I served the community. I was very active in the community. People learned they could depend on us. When people in our community needed things, would I would take that need and take it to my husband. You know, so and so needs their bill, their phone bill paid. So he went to work every day. He commuted two hours each way every day almost to work to a job that would provide well for our family. So he didn't know what the needs were in the community. But I did because I was in the community every day. Oh so and so needs or phone bill paid, such and such a needs of bagg of groceries. So I would help him nurture the community by being someone who was a conduit to the community for him, and also there's great influence of that. But that's what that meant for me to create a home for him. It wasn't about me making making cookies every day. It was about me creating a home that he could feel proud of, creating a family that he could feel proud of. Meaning I didn't raise our children to be brats. We raise them together, of course, But again, my husband, being the breadwinner, was out of the house every day. So women, if you're most women period, are going to be the one spending the majority of time with their children. And I did, of course, like most women, and so that meant I was largely responsible for their discipline and shaping them during a lot of the influential hours of the day. Well, if I raise unruly brats while my husband is away, that brings him shame when we're out in public, when we go to church together, when we go out together, to have misbehaved kids, and then when he tries to discipline them. If I'm gonna tell no, don't do that, honey, that's emasculating, ladies. A lot of you moms do that out there. Stop that. Stop it. Let your husband discipline like a man. You're not a man, So you believe me. I My husband's a gentlest person in the world. But there have been times when I've been like, oh no, stop, please, why are you being so mean to the kids. You got to control that impulse. But anyways, if I'm creating children that cause him shame or that he dislikes, Jordan Peters says this all the time. Don't raise kids that you don't like, that you're not gonna like. You have to be able to like your kids. Ladies, you have to raise children that your husbands are gonna like. I dare say they are. I know there are, because I've spoken to you. There are a few of you who know your husbands love your children that you've made together, and you know they don't like those kids. And that's probably your fault too. I know it is a heavy burden. The idea that men have all the strength jobs in society is twisted and it's perverted how we look at the importance of the jobs we do in the home. Where the cornerstones of the building. If you look at the building of a relationship. A matter of fact, here, that's biblical too. I'm pulled up. Our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth. Our daughters may be as cornerstones polished after the similitude of a palace. Without the cornerstone, your building will crumble. It is an incredibly fundamental job that carries vast amounts of weight, and we have robbed ourselves of the dignity of that position, ladies, by trying to pretend that what we're supposed to be doing is the same things that men are doing. And when we do those jobs, men don't do those jobs. We're gonna talk about that too. Am I making sense here? Write me jail Ty at ProtonMail dot com. Clarify this for me, Clarify my thoughts for me. I feel like I'm rambling, but this is it's on my mind and heart and I need to get this out. If you are a woman who makes more money than the man, then you're going to have to do extra work to make sure that you're not holding that over his head, that that fact does not change who the headship of the house. It's an issue of headship, and that your husband understands that he even though he doesn't make the majority of money in the house, he is still responsible for providing for the home and so that might look different in different ways, so it requires an under standing of roles, but it can be done hot topics, the news of the day, in depth interviews, and a whole lot more. It's The Outlaws Radio Show. Subscribe to the show on Apples, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you get your podcast today. That's out Laws The Outlaws Radio Show, an FCB podcast. What about when women have to step up because the men aren't present, Yeah, that is that is a shame and that is a result of this society that has turned the relationship of men and women on its head. So now we have a lot of aimless, purposeless men, and so women have had to step up and fill the gap. And you've done a good job. Many of you have done a good job. You've had to do it, queens, and you did it. But then when a man does come along who's like, hey, I want to provide for you. I want to be your soft place to land, and you're like, well, I don't need you. Well, no man wants to be told that he's not needed. You don't either. No one wants to be told or not needed. But that is the attitude, because I just want an equal I just want a partner. But men aren't driven for partners. They're not driven to equal partners, Ladies, that's why Chris Evans married to freaking twenty five year old. He doesn't want a partner that's equal to him on every level. He wants a partner who compliments him and compliments the relationship and someone he can grow with, not someone who's sitting there in the relationship going you have nothing to offer me except sexual gratification. You'll get what you ask for then, Ladies, how many I've Readreddit all the time? My favorite reddits are am I to a Hole or relationship subreddits, and it's just it's person after person. It's woman after woman after woman, hundreds of thousands, tens of thousands of posts of a woman writing and going, Dear Reddit, I don't know what to do. I've been living with my boyfriend for five years. I make all the money and all he does is sit around and play video games that he's had five part time jobs in the last year. And how do I get him to support to support this house and pay the bills and marry me? Will you set the precedent from the start you went into the relationship. I'm strong independent women I make my own money, I pay my own bills. And guess what I'm going to read you, something that backs us up or an opinion that echoes my opinion. I'll say that you went into the relationship from the start as a provider. And when women this is why women I don't believe women should be in the pulpit. It's not that women can't be in the pulpit. When women step up to do a job that men traditionally do, men just won't do it. It's not like men do it too. They stop. So a lot of y'all are doing the jobs in your home that the men are supposed to be doing, and you think you're leading by example, and they're going, well, she's doing it, so I don't have to Ladies, you know this is true? Wives, how true is this? When you do the stuff that you wish your husband would do, does he step up and go, oh, she's been taking out the trash. I should take out the trash one day just to be nice. No, he don't ever take out the trash, And then it festers and then that's an issue, and then one day it explodes and you gotta go to marriage therapy over it. He doesn't do it because you do it. Whatever you're driven to do for your husband, he won't do for himself. That's a very male instinct. I hate it, but I'm gonna I'm gonna accuse Adam of of cursing men with that. That's original sin. I guess the idea men will not step up to places where women are already functioning. That's how much power you have as a woman, ladies, that's how much power you have. You have the power to make a man sit down and do nothing, or you have the power to lift up a man and demand he do something. So those girls who are like inviting those boyfriends to move into their house, and she thinks, oh, when he gets in here, then he'll have a place, and he'll be more stable, and he'll be so in love with me that he'll want to provide for me. No, you've already told him what you're going to do for him, so he has no other motivation to do anything else. The man that would provide for you is not the man who would move in for you and let you pay the bills. Do you understand what I mean? So already you're starting off from red flag. That guy wouldn't even move in with you like that. Another example from my own relationship. It took me many years to realize this because I was a strong independent woman. I am still, but I didn't understand gender roles because I wasn't. I wasn't raised in a traditional household. So we have a great dishwasher. It's fabulous. However, he's still got a rinse off the crumbs on the plate. If you leave too many food, larger food particles in the plate, they don't break down in the dishwasher, and then they sat at the bottom of that filter. Ultimately the filter gets clogged and then that's a repair call. So my husband would never do that. He saw this fancy new dishwasher and was like, why do I need to waste my time rinsing the dishes. They can go right in here because we have this amazing dishwasher. And he would just put them in the dishwasher, and the dishwasher would clog, and then I'd have to figure out how to unclog it, and I would beg him. I would say, please, honey, please rinse the dishes. I have to unclogg this pipe once a week, and it means I gotta get under the sink, and I gotta do this thing, and the babies are crawling all over. Please just rinse the All you have to do is rinse them and make sure there's no food particles on it. And he would say, oh, okay, whatever. Sure, he would just say sure, yes, dear, and it would be the same thing. And then finally I said, you know what, I'm not going to complain about this anymore, and I'm not going to take the dishes out and re rinse them, and I'm not going to fix the clogs. I started leaving the clogs. And then when he would complain about the dishes piling up, I would say, well, the dishwasher's broke it. Why would why can't you fix it? Well, there's a clog. I don't know how to fix it. Highlight. I don't know how to fix it. Youn't have to call a repair person. That's five hundred dollars. Well, this is what happens when and then I refused to do the dishes until he got the dishwasher fixed, and when he had to get under there and fix the clog, and when he had to shell out five hundred dollars for the repair man. He started rinsing the dishes. So the thing that I was doing he didn't do because he didn't have to, And as soon as I refused to do it, he stepped up. Does that make sense. That's how men are. It might not be fair, ladies, but that's just how they are. Whatever you do, he won't. In some cases that's good, But in many cases, you're doing the job that a man's supposed to be doing for your family, and then you're getting hurt and upset that he's not voluntarily doing it. You're already doing it. It's not lowering yourself to defer to a man in your relationship, and a defer even doesn't feel like an adequate word, but it's not to take on a role that feels complimentary rather than technically a quality based that's not lowering yourself. It's not lowering yourself to say I recognize that there's headship in this family and that that belongs to my husband, and that I am a nurturer and a support. That's not lowering yourself. But here's a big butt, and this is important, ladies, single ladies, I need you to listen to me. Especially that's not lowering yourself to recognize the spiritual headship of a good man. Because again I'm gonna I'm about to qualify here, you know what, never mind taking our I'm done making qualifications, taking too much time. Everybody, please, but here's the big butt you need to understand, Ladies says, that's a husband privilege and not a boyfriend privilege. So you never would have caught me saying any of this stuff about my husband when he was just my boyfriend. When he was just my boyfriend, you know, we were we were both equally. We were both equal because we were equally providing for ourselves. We were equally pursuing our own goals. We weren't entering the relationship to support each other financially, nothing like that. I if my boyfriend told me, well, you you're supposed to offer me this certain measure of respect, and you need to understand that I'm making these decisions for our relationship and if you don't like it, or there are certain privileges of headship that belong to husband's not boyfriends. And that's a privilege of being a husband, right, that's my husband's privilege of marrying me. Any other guy that might approach me with you know, I want you to do this, or I would love it if you would do if you would serve our relationship in this manner or that. I'm trying not to be too specific because I'm people drilled down on that. But if my husband says that to me, Okay, I'm in this relationship. We've taken our vows and marriages. Is an institution of servantood, it really is. So you're both serving each other, and I'm looking at this as my partner that I'm serving as as he's serving me. But if any other man comes up and says to me, Kira, I need you to be a servant to me, I will be like, how about I serve my foot up your butt? Absolutely not. That's a husband privilege, and that guy had to work hard for that privilege. He had to pledge his life to me for the rest of his life for that privilege. So be careful about that, Ladies. Be careful you're not giving your boyfriends husband privileges, because that's the whole reason that a man should marry you to get those husband privileges. Ladies, if you're a single woman, I'm just reading, I'm just going through the rest of my billet points because I'm running out of time. I mean, I'm already out of time. I've been blabbing. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I don't know that this podcast is a winner, but it's a podcast. They can't all be winners. Ladies. If you're a single woman, do not support a man with your I'm strong and independent routine. So I kind of just alluded to this. Do not invite a man into your home and then support him and think that that is going to be the thing that you're leading by example, and then suddenly he's going to become what you need him to be, the support that you need him to be. He's coming into the relationship seeing that you're providing everything already for yourself. You got your own friends, you got your own house, you got your own bank account, you got your own job, your own car, your own kids. You need him for nothing, and that is exactly what he'll give you. To go into that relationship with that attitude is a red flag from the start, and so you'll only get red flag partners if from the start of your relationship you're supporting a man. This is why I think it's that's a red flag it's not gonna work. Ladies. This is why I think again. These are traditional, little concepts that seem ridiculously traditional and antiquated and should mean nothing. They mean everything. Everything's assigned. Everything's a symbol. Yes, men, you pay for the dates. Do you know why you pay for the date? Because it's a small, barely significant symbol of the provision you will make for a woman later on in life. Ladies, when the guy looks to you and says, let's split this, or you say I'm going to pay this, you're setting up expectations for the future, a future in which he's not your provider and doesn't need to be. And if that's what you want, then that's what you'll get, and none of you will like it. I don't care what you say. You're lying to yourself. If you say, oh, I don't mind if I have to provide for a man the rest of my life, you're lying because that man that you have to provide for for the rest of your life is going to be a man child. Because what did I just say? A man who doesn't have to do something won't whatever a woman is doing, a man won't do. Please remember these words. Men want to provide period. They want Fundamentally, at their core, they want to provide. They are biologically driven to provide. And that is why men who aren't providers become lost. And like man, children and women are the maturing force on men. Marriage is a taming force on the mail drive and psyche. We need ment to be aggressive and go getters and go out there and slay the dragon and hit the lion over the head and drag it back to the tent. Metaphorically speaking, we need men to be men like that. Of course, societies need need that, but men need that too. When they do not fill that role, it creates a weakened man. That's how you get in cells and and actually do we call Andrew Tate inside. I know a lot of my audience likes Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate is the natural result of an emasculated culture. I'll go on this tangent for a second. I find Andrew absolutely vile, But when I listen to him talk every now and again, I'm like, well, that's the truth, that's the truth. That's the truth. Right. He says he has a broken clock. That's my thing, a broken clock. He says things that feel fundamentally true to young men, and they're not hearing, and so it feels appealing. But then the other stuff that he is the very definition of a toxic male in my mind, And you listen to the other stuff and he's like, yeah, women should be my servants and my sexual servants. For every good thing, Angel Taide says, or right thing, I'll say, there's four million wrong things. I just find him so gross. I don't I am starting to say, I don't understand why people love him, but I do. I do. I get it because he's saying things that young men are hungry to hear. But he is the result of an emasculated male culture. Toxic masculinity isn't created by masculinity, it's created by toxic femininity, and ladies, we have created the toxic male because when men are feminized and they don't want to be feminized, they're driven to be more masculine, and that's when and that base male, sinful male character comes out, and that's when you get aggressive males and toxic males when they've been so emasculated that to prove their men, they go way overboard. When there's balance in a relationship, that's not a worry, but the word world is out of balance, and so you have guys like Ander Taate and then you have an insul community that thinks he's just the best. But I actually I don't blame that on masculinity. I blame that totally on toxic femininity. Men want to provide, and so when women properly nurture that, and however that looks for you, when your family right. Again, I don't know. If you make more money than your husband and you guys work that out between you. It's and that's none of my business. What matters is headship and respect and making sure that man is a provider in some kind of way. And maybe that's family I've been thinking about. I'm thinking about my friends right now that I'm going to go see my dear friends next month. John and Kelly. She's the financial provider of the family. They both had good jobs when they met, and but she's a doctor and she never want she wanted kids, but she didn't want to stay at home with kids. She wanted to pursue a medical career. And John was a pilot and he had a great career. He was very successful, but he was kind of done with the career. When he married Kelly and they sat down and they hash had a plan. They talked about it and John said, I want to raise the family. I want to stay home with the kids. He's the best dad I know. He's like a great stay at home dad. Kelly goes out and works. They make that work. There's exceptions to every role. I look at John and Kelly and I think they've they've done quite well for themselves. Now I don't I've never been a party to their most intimate conversations when they're struggling or I don't know what they're per personal struggles are in relation to that. But I do know that what Kelly hasn't done is emasculated John. He is very much the head of their household, even though Kelly goes to work every day and earns. I hope they don't mind. I'm sorry that I don't think they mind. She goes to work every day, brings home the bacon, and has been through almost their entire marriage. But John is very much a decision maker in their household. He's very much a leader for their family, a leader for their children. You never get the idea that there is an unbalanced in their imbalance in their relationship, so it can work, but the concept of headship still has to be there. They're both Christians and that matters only because I say this only because we have a biblical model for headship that we often follow. Okay, wrapping it up here, I'm pulling in im. Hang on you so great. You guys are doing awesome hot topics, the news of the day, in depth interviews, and a whole lot more. It's The Outlaws Radio Show. Subscribe to the show on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you get your podcast today. That's out Laws, The Outlaws Radio Show, an FCB podcasts. If ladies, if you're putting out the vibe that you're not open to a supportive partner and that taking support of any kind is beneath you, then you'll only find men beneath you. And I think that's the vibe a lot of us are putting out, and that us why there are so many men out there going. And social media is part of the problem too. I mean, if you just have your head and TikTok all day, you would think that all women think this way, right, because there's there's thirst trap after thirst trap out there. On TikTok like, oh, I won't go with a man who makes less than this, and I need this kind of whip, and I need this kind of ride. And you know they those women are out there, and because social media is saturated with them, young men might get the idea that all women are like that, and certainly not, I would say the majority aren't. I'm going to I am, I've already made the decision. Now I'm going to talk to you young men next maybe not next week, but the next time I do a similar relationships, alot of all young men will be like, yeah, these women, where are you looking for these women? Like, part of the problem is where you're looking. My friends, they're out there. I know they are because I live with them. I live with them and around them. All these women are out there. They feel that they're being drowned out by TikTok women. So I'll give you an example of why I think it is biolological imperative for men to provide besides the evidence of all of human history, I'll give you a small analogy. I was this summer hanging out with my mom and our extended family up in Canada, and my older brother who's kind of a new older brother. He was my mom had him when she was a teenager and gave him up for adoption, and so he's come back to us later in his life and he's a lovely man. He's a great family. We very much enjoy spending time with them. So he was. He was there with his family, and he's I think he's like three or I think it's like four years older than me. They were all sitting on this deck. My husband's cooking, because that's what my husband does. I never you know, men need to be occupied. My husband will occupy himself in the kitchen. He loves to cook. He loves preparing food for people. That's how he provides. It's one of the ways he provides. So he was busy. But my older brother, who is a landscaper so used to working with his hands and doing stuff, was quote relaxing. I'm using air quotes. It's hard for some men to relax. I could tell he was nancy. Women were busy. My husband was busy. We would have been fine for him to sit there with a beer and relax, but I wanted some chairs brought from the yard up to the decks. So I said, hey, bro, would you go grab those chairs for me and bring them up? And he sprung up and went to get the chairs and brought them all up, and my mom was like, oh you Literally, she's kind of joking, but she's like, oh you, you little lazy bratt. You're such a princess. You couldn't go get those chairs for yourself. Now, I want you to understand something about my mom. She's a single woman and has been for a very long time. And even when she was in a relationship, it was a toxic relationship with a man that she was providing for her. So she has a warped idea of what the relationship between men and women are. Now. I've been in a traditional marriage for twenty six years, so I know that when I asked my husband to help me to do something, particularly that requires a strength that I don't have or don't want to exhibit, I could have taken the deck chairs up. But y'all know what I mean. He loves doing that. That brings him pleasure to be able to do that. My brother was happy to go get those chairs. It gave him something to do, and he was providing for us in that little way. When my mom saw was me being too lazy. She didn't understand that what I was doing was giving him a job because that's what he wanted. He doesn't want to sit there and sip on a beer. He wants to provide some kind of service because he's just biologically driven to do so. Ladies, if you've never done this, try this experiment the next time you're on in public. Ask a man to do something for you pass Would you pass me that or would you mind reaching for that thing. I'm not saying like make up being a damsel in distress, but like if there's a tad, there's that. Like again, I'm trying, if there's a task that key that perhaps requires a bit of strain on your part, you've got to get the step ladder out to reach for it, ask a man and see what the reaction is and just gauge how that makes you feel. And then, if you've never done that before, right in and tell me what your experience was. J L. J lt Y at ProtonMail dot com. I dare say that more men wish you would ask them to do more, And I think I'm right about that. It's huberst to think you have all the time in the world, ladies. And so if you think you might want marriage and family someday, and the majority of you will, If ten of you right now are listening to my voice saying I don't want those things, nine of you will change your mind. Most of you will change it when it's too late. So I just want to be the one to tell you, and whatever decisions you make, I'm not going to judge you for it. I'm not going to think you're less of a woman because you've led your life differently or made different choices. I just want you to know. I just want you to know. I just want I don't want you to be like a friend of mine who got to fifty and genuinely thought that at fifty years old it would be easy for her to start a family, and then went to the doctor and the doctor was like, well, no, these primers are over. There are some things that very very rich people do at this age, but you're not a candidate for any of that. You're never going to bear a child. She was devastated because the entire medical industry had decided that it wasn't very nice to tell women that, so they stopped. So no one had ever told her. She was devastated to hear me. She spent her first part of her life preparing to have a career in entertainment, and she did that, and she did well, and then when she was ready to take a step back and have a family, that was not that option was not there for her. And she was devastated. And I'll never forget the words, she said, which is why I do this, she said, And no one ever told me because she's older, so she grew up in really the heart of modern feminism. No one ever told her. So don't think of this as me judging you, ladies, Please think of me. Is this trying to tell you, give you a fair warning. You don't have all the time in the world. And the older you get, the harder it's going to be for you to secure all these things. Because hashtag Chris Evans, the men, the peers, the men you consider on you consider to quote that one girl, you're equal. They're not looking for you. They're not looking for their quote equal. They're looking for someone who's got enough humility to know that there's growing left to do. I think a lot of women are driving away good partners because you have a false standard of what a partner is. Part of what you think a partner is is an equal. Stop thinking that way. Don't think of it as equal qual. Those two words do not play a part in a relationship. Stop thinking that way. That's such a modern dare I say, Marxist way for lack of a better term, way to think that all of these things are just separated equally, and then once we get the right balance, the relationship is perfect. Every relationship has seasons and ups and downs. And sometimes my husband's doing more for the family and I'm doing less. And sometimes I'm doing more for the family and he's doing less. And sometimes he's making the money we need, and sometimes I'm making the money we need. Almost never but occasionally recognizing that we have significantly important roles to play in the family, but they are also significantly different. And when I try to take on his role, I make things harder for everybody because then he doesn't need to do that role. I harken back to my friends John and Kelly, who have figured out this for their relationship. So I'm not saying it can't be done. The issue here is headship and respect. It's not equality. If you want a husband, if you want children, ladies. In this day and age, it's something you have to prioritize. You don't have to be working towards it, but it's something you have to be able to say to yourself, Yeah, I do want this, and so the things that I'm going to choose for my life are always going to be in light of the idea that what I want is marriage and family. So that's the vibe you put out that I know a lot of y'all are out door, Kira. I've always wanted to be married and have kids, and that right man never came along. And I believe most of you, but some of you, I think are lying to yourselves and to me. I think some of you, I'm gonna have Adam Yanser come back on talk about this. He says this too. But I think some of you have not did not priority right you. You thought you were entitled to do one thing when you were twenty and then have what you wanted at thirty five because you think, well, thirty five is still young. Well now I'm ready, It's not that young. When you're a woman wanting to be a mother and a wife, it's not that young. And so I think some of you have lied to yourselves. You've gone to college and you've prioritized that. And then you left college and you wanted to date. And you when you were twenty twenty five, did you say, oh, I just want to have fun. I just want to have fun. Well, that was you prioritizing something else. So you did you didn't prioritize it, you and and that's an energy, that's a vibe you put out. I was. You had met me when I was twenty one, you would have seen a young woman who was very independent, supported her seven have parental support. No one paid my bills ever. I paid for college, I paid for my car, I paid I supported myself. I was basically when I left home, that was it. I left home at seventeen and that was it. Boom done gone. I went back to visit. I never went back to live. You would have seen that strong, independent, feisty, feminist young woman. But I knew I wanted marriage, marriage. I didn't know I wanted kids, but I knew I wanted marriage. I knew I wanted that because to me, that was biblical. And I was so in love with God. I was so in love with the model he set up for the family and humans I knew I wanted that Self's the vibe I put out that was just in my energy, that I'm a woman who could be a supportive partner because it's what I wanted to be. So don't make sure you're not lying to yourselves about anything, ladies. And if you're not, and you're just the person who's been waiting patiently and that guy hasn't come along and you want that, I want that for you too, and I hope that you get it. But if not, there are still so many wonderful and I have listeners in this audience who have written me and told me this as well. My life is fulfilled in many ways and I'm grateful for that. So you don't need husband and kids to fulfill you, but if that's your goal, you need to be deliberate about it. And by the way, I feel like we say that too much. You don't need a husband and children to fulfill you. We don't tell women enough that those things are fulfilling. We feel like we're being like snobby or something. There's that we're agin like. We feel like we're being snobby or something to say that, And I think the result has been to drive people to believe the opposite, that somehow it's not fulfilling to have those things. Those things are immensely fulfilling, and I do believe most women should want that. I want to read from you a little bit from this article from a website called Desiring God. But this woman named Abigail Dodds wrote article. It's from twenty sixteen. She calls the beauty of womanhood. Her uniqueness makes her essential. And maybe I shouldn't read it because then you're gonna be like, why did I listen to this whole whole rambling podcast when she's so concisely put it in one article? There, here we go. Yeah, the vision of our culture offers a sad sorry for the puppy. I have a foster puppy. He's a yipper. The vision our culture offers is a sad consolation that exchanges the glory of feminine strength for a treadmill race to nowhere. It squanders the kind of influence that has found primarily in the soil of the home. The home, that center of all learning, the heart of nation building, the dispenser of love, instability, the venue for gospel, hospitality for single and married alike. In short, the footings of humanity. This home based influence can last for a thousand generations. Yet our culture urges us to cast aside for the pursuit of rewards a little less off in the distance, and certainly ones that don't require diapering. And what does it offer in return? Women who strive against themselves at war with the seeming redundancy of two X chromosomes in a competition we were never made for and in our hearts don't really want to win. For when a woman sets herself up alongside a man as made for the same things and without distinction, the result is not uniformity, but rather a reverse order. Indeed, in order for her to become like a man, he must become less and less like one. Boom boom boom. What did I say, ladies? Would you do a man won't do? And that's something that most women, even the most ardent feminists, recoil at in their heart, not because femininity is detestable, but because on a man it is grotesque. Feminine glory is suited only for a woman, not because men and women have something have nothing in common. We have everything in common as bone of the same bone, flesh of the same flesh, but because of our saneness only makes sense in light of the triune God, who is distinct in three persons. When we forsake our feminine glory in pursuit of the uniqueness that belongs to men, we abandon our god given glory. We become usurpers, persistently insisting that our uterus and biology are equal to nothing. Irrelevant. Women believe the lie that in order to be relevant in a man's world, you need to become like a man. When the opposite is true. Do you want to become relevant, then shock the world and be what you were made to be, a fearless, unflappable, god fearing woman. Do not abandon the very differences that make you essential. The unique influence of a godly woman is transforming things. She transforms a promising bachelor into a purposeful, respected husband. He gives his seed, and by some miracle and mystery, God has designed her. But God has designed her body to grow and nurture a new person. In this transformative role, whether single or married, a woman mimics her savior. Like him, she submits to another's will. Also, like him, God uses her to take what was useless on its own and shape it into glory, dirty things, clean, chaos turned to order, an empty kitchen overflowing with life and food, children and want of knowledge and truth, and a mother eager to teach, a man in need of help and counsel, and a woman fit to give it. Friends and neighbors with a thirst for the truth, and a woman opening her home and heart to share it with them. A woman is a prism that takes in light and turns it into an array of greater, fuller glory, so that those around her now see the rainbow that was contained in the being. Oh, I love it. I should have just read this article from the start. She says everything perfectly God God's design outlined in the Scripture is a vision for womanhood that is not just right and to be obeyed. It is experientially better than all the world has to offer. And it doesn't just apply to those who are married or mothers. Single women of any age are meant for full Godly womanhood, to be a mother in the deepest sense that is spiritually nurturing and growing all of God's all that God's given her. So you have the spirit. You have that spirit in you even if you don't have the little ones running around and men are attracted to that. How many of you, even you secular ladies, this is me talking. I'm not reading you secular ladies who have been living cohabitating with your men, go listen to my episode on cohabitation. How many of you got a guy and he was like, even you're you're young, you're professional, you're upwardly mobile, you don't want kids. But I bet you that guy moved in with you and he was like, oh wow, decorations, right, you You made this house some kind of home for him, and he recognized that that's just a small sliver of what your relation to a man is. So this is very true. Even if you're not thinking about being a housewife, you're still a nurturer or a mother, and men recognize that. She goes on to say God has made us for glory women, not glory that terminates on us, but glory that spends itself glorifying everything given to us, and points in all things to Christ, who is the radiance of the glory of God, the Savior and the ultimate transforming One. And as we behold him, his perfection, his saving work, his glorious face, we are changed from one degree of glory to the other. I think, ladies, that we have deliberately set down our crown of glory and picked up one that doesn't belong, that never belonged to us in the name of equality, thinking that us being equal in society meant us being like men, and I think that's misogynists. I think that's the most anti feminist thing ever. That we're supposed to be as strong as men are. Superheroes are supposed to be the same kind as male superheroes. We're supposed to earn the same as men, provide the same things as men, act like men, treat sex like men, be aggressive as men. I guess you'll get what you ask for, and so just remember that you'll get what you ask for. And if you're not getting what you ask for, and it's something like a husband and children and that's what you've been asking for and you're not getting it, I don't presume to say that, well, you're doing all of these things wrong. And that's the reason. From my experience again, this is this is I can only advise you. I haven't lived this, but from my experience and watching my female friends, you know it takes a lot of self reflection, but also sometimes it is just waiting. It's waiting. This has been a lot longer than I wanted it to be. It's because I've been rambling a lot, and I'm sorry. Maybe you can help clarify some of this for me, even if you think I'm wrong. I'd love to hear from you if you think I'm wrong. J L. T Y a ProtonMail dot com. J L. T Y at ProtonMail dot com. Why is it that men don't feel like they can measure up to women's standards these days in the dating pool? And what can women do to change that or can they? I think I've laid out a plan for why. I think I've laid out the reason for why they feel that way, and I think I've laid out a plan for to help them not feel that way ladies. But at the end of the day, if you're sitting around going why am I not finding this kind of guy? The best best thing to do is to go out and find people who have and make them your friends and learn from them and learn what kind of relationship they have and what they did when they were recording or dating, and learn you don't. If you want to learn how to fix a car, you don't go sit up at the bakery and watch the baker make cupcakes. He can't teach you how to fix a car. You gotta go to a mechanic and watch what he's doing. If you want a solid biblical marriage and family, surround yourself with those people and find out how they're living. But maybe I'm wrong. Jail twit ProtonMail dot com. Don't forget describe to subscribe and like this show, really appreciate that. If you would leave me a review, I would still very much appreciate it, and go buy my book drawing Lines Why conservatives need to begin, Why conservatives need to battle fiercely in the arena of ideas. And please sign up for my substack. That's a way you can really help. Just cure Davis dot substat dot com. Go ahead, there's a free side, there's a pay side. I appreciate your financial support, of course. It helps keep my voice on the airwaves and on the pages. I am sorry for those I have offended today, for anyone that I have made feel less than or who thinks that I look down on you, because perhaps you haven't found the same marriage and family path that I have. Please know, I don't judge you. I only seek to tell you a truth that I don't think enough people are saying out loud because it's been lost in the era of feminism. And then we've come to a place where it feels offensive to say those things, and we are robbing young women of valuable information that they will need moving forward. So I'm only looking at this as as me telling you the truth about some things, but you making your own decisions and however that works out for you. I'm here. I'm not judging you. I'm not considering you any less of a person than I am or anybody else. I promise you. I want you to be fulfilled and happy, and I think there is great fulfillment in marriage and family. I do. And most women should be married and most women should have children. All right, everybody, until we talk again. Every once in a while, just remember to stop and listen to yourself. That we won and we want to say, oh we got it. Does no want to get tatto? Just gonna be okay that we won and we won't say oh we got it. Does no one can take that away? Okay, this has been a presentation of the FCB podcast Network, where real talk lifts. Visit us online at FCB podcasts dot com.
