This is the FCB Podcast Network. Our brads Masoda Day that we won't stay and we won't stay all we got it. Does no one get take that away? Dude, don't say it's gonna be okay. Soda Day that we wont was saying and we won't say all we got it? Does no one get take that away? Don't say it's gonna be okay. Well, welcome back everybody to another episode of Just Listen to Yourself with Kara Davis. And today I am here with my good friend, former colleague, writer, political pundit author Jennifer Oliver O'Connell. She's as the Girl Turned on Twitter. Jennifer, Welcome to the show. Thank you so much here, Thanks for having me on again. It's so fun. It's been a while. It's been a while. I left Red stayed a while back, and so we don't get to interact every day the way we used to. But it's really nice to catch up. But one fun thing that you and I are doing is we are doing a substack exchange. So we both have sub stacks and we decided to be guest writers on each other's pages. So I have yet to write mine for Jennifer it's on the way for her. You can look for me over there. But she wrote a great I first of all, let me see this. We called Jennifer Oliver O'Connell joo jo. Let me say this, I'm a huge fan of your work. Oh, thank you, thanks so much. I am I love it. I am always fascinated by your perspective, even when I don't agree with it, I always get something from it. And and so and listeners to the show will know, like I've spoken about your work on this show before. Oh this iss what joh said. But I asked you to write for me, and you wrote me a great on Lizzo the Lizzo controversy, and it had a great angle that I I don't think enough people were pointing to in this whole mess. As you guys may or may not know, she's being sued by her dancers for sexual harassment and other types of harassment. Just to put it concisely. There's more details there, and you can go to Jennifer's page as the Girl turns on subsect to read more about that. And there are a lot of people who are like, Okay, this is Lizzo being like a gross celebrity these celebrities are so gross. But your angle was a little different. And one of the things you said was that she's trapped in this personality, in this big girl personality, in this fat girl personality. She this is how they marketed her as someone who was proud out loud and proud and often vulgar and sort of I can't remember the way exactly, the way you put it in your piece of something like sassy fat girl or something like that, like the sassification of her personality. That's she was recording for years before she became Lizzo, And when she became Lizzo, it was because they packaged her as this fat supergirl, I guess for lack of a better term, and she wants to be more than that, probably, but now her music cannot be divorced from it, and so she just has to keep sinking further and further into it. Would you like expound on that a little bit. Yeah, she is an exceptionally talented girl. I'm not huge on raps, so I can't say you know her. What people say about her beats and her lyrics, it sounds like she got that down. But she plays the flute. She's a flautist, a classical flautist. So there's talent there, there's potential there, and granted, and I also made the comparison about, you know, haven't been a fat girl for most of my life, that people see the body and skip the talents, only by pass the talent for someone who has the looks as well as the talent, or has the looks, and maybe the talent is a step below, but they're more marketable. So I get that she fell into this marketing niche and ran hole hog on it. And maybe some of it is her. I'm not saying that it's not. I'm sure some of it is her. But when you're trapped in that, yeah, there's a certain behavior that goes along with it in a certain lifestyle and going hole hog into that, nobody wants to be a part of that. No decent person. Sorry, but but it's true. No decent person wants to be a part of that. Having watched that show Lizzle's Big Girls or whatever it's called on Prime, you know, just watching a few episodes of it, those things attract a certain personality as well as certain types of people. It also does not allow you if you are someone who trends toward the negative side of life, or depression or some things like that. If you're that type of personality, there's no lifting you out of that once you're in that world. So, as I said in the article, there's some seriously disturbing things about Lizzle personally that cannot be dealt with as long as she's in this bubble, as long as she's in this mold. She's had some horrible things happen to her in life that maybe she's gone to therapy, maybe she's not. I don't know, but it seems like they could use some therapy as well as she could use some getting away from some of that to find the better, better angels of her nature. And so the worser angels of her nature are obviously showing up because she got the money without having to build a character, without having to deal with those places and really relate differently than how she's relating. That's probably a pretty universal experience with celebrityhood anyway. Right, You work doing one thing, but then the big opportunity is really a lot of times unearned in that respect, and now you're stuck in this mold. Would you you mentioned this in your piece too. You said she's been through a lot, but you didn't really talk about it. What do you know about what Luzzo has been through in her life. I'm not sure which relatives it was, either father or mother. But there was a tragic death that happened to her while she was in while she's in school, and while she was pursuing her classical music career at that time, and she actually pulled out of she ad she said she loved doing classical music, she loves playing the flute. Again, there's a career area where she probably could have gone in as opposed to this stuff that she's doing now, but she gave that up. She pulled away because of this death, because of this tragedy, and that's how she ended up down this meandering road of you know, underground music. And then you know, Prince saw her and promoted her into that, and then she developed this brand, this bizarre brand that is supposedly fat positive. Excuse me, but it's just gross, it really is. I was in the body positive movement. She's body positive supposedly, but the body positivity that I understand and that I promoted as a yoga instructor, asked someone who was a certain size is that you find your healthiest self, you find who you are, You enjoy your life, but you still take care of yourself. You don't say, I'm four hundred pounds but there's nothing wrong with me. Yeah. No, it's not like you don't want to exercise, you don't want to be healthy, but you're not being addicted to sitting on a scale. You're not buying into the whole diet culture, which is just so darned toxic as it is. And not to mention makes a ton of money for people, not for people who lose weight, obviously, But and you know she that's body positivity. What she is promoting is not not to mention. It's promoting a delusion. It's keeping her in her delusions. So you've got the delusion of I'm four hundred pounds and I'm perfectly healthy and I'm set seeing you better love me. That's just delusional. Maybe somebody does love that, maybe somebody doesn't. But demanding that I accept you as you are and that I'm perfectly healthy. Where we got it with the transgenderman, when we got it with everybody, We're off of team reality, We're off the reservation of reality at that point. Yeah, and I think this is what this is what people a lot of people have take issue and I think particularly conservatives would take issue with the fat positivity movement and how it really is. It's it's a bit of a lie. Now, I agree. The opposite of that is shaming people right for being overweight or you know, and we you no longer live here, but you I mean, we're Californians and we in southern California, like we live in La La Lands, so you know, we know, we're very familiar with the pressure of how to look, and looks are very important here and they permeate every aspect of life. But here's what I find interesting about it. People are acting like the fat positivity movement is the problem, and it's not really the problem. It's the same problem that we had when Harrow and Chic was in, you know, and then we were elevating women who are skinny as rails at forty years old, barely weighing one hundred pounds, and we're calling that beautiful and lovely, and we did that for a long time. This is merely an over correction. But to me, Jennifer, this is the state of the human condition. We have no ability to moderate on our own, which is why we always see the fringes of any movement becoming mainstream, because that's the human cycle we can't moderate. So Lizzo is no different from Miley Cyrus or whatever other Disney kid you want to pull up, who's had a great music career, acting career. She has to look it's not about being positive about being fat. She has to look that way or she can't be a celebrity that is now her identity. So now we've trapped her in that the way we trap all these skinny actresses in these bodies that are you know, they're essentially the bodies of twelve year old girls, and and they're not really womanly bodies, and we're telling, and we're we've told people that's how you have to look to be accepted. So I do wish that people would sort of understand that about Lizzo as well. She's in a very seedy industry and she is now trapped in a certain beauty mold. And even if she did decide to be healthy and lose weight, I think that would be very risky for her brand. And there is no space whatsoever for nuanced change or growth in any of it. I think Adele maybe transcended all that. I mean because her fat, her being fat wasn't the thing. It was her voice, you know, somehow she She's British, for one, they have a whole different perspective than Americans. But she transcended all of that stuff because everybody loved her voice. So who cares that she lost sixty seventy pounds now because she still sounds like a dele you know. But they don't allow people like Lizzo. If Lizzo came out to Dan said I'm giving all this up, I'm losing weight, I'm not gonna take my clothes off anymore, she'd lose. I mean, she's already lost all of her audience because of this controversy, but she definitely lose the rest of them, because it's it's like they wan't oh no, you're my ally, oh no, you're this It's just like, no, you do. You have to do what's healthy for you, and you have to live the life that is reflective of your values and what you believe. And frankly, some of the stuff she's spouting it sounds more pain than it does. I truly believe this. It's my response to pain, but her response to pain is amplified because she's got this platform to totally flip the script a little bit. Oliver Anthony, I'm sure you've written about him and we've heard about him. You know, the rich Men north of Richmond singer who is just blowing up and the music. Of course he wants to latch onto him. He refused an eight million dollar contract. It's like Bravo brother, because he's new to the Lord, he's new to faith and he understands the pitfalls as well as he's getting some good counsel. I hear John Rich corresponds with him, and John Rich is just solid. But I hear you know, you're getting criticism. You're getting criticism and Christians, certain conservatives who shall not be named, have come down on him as well as talk and come down on him because he didn't, you know, calling it a poverty mentality because he didn't accept the deal. I'm like, I was just about I was just about to say that, Jennifer. I was like, what is this thing I was reading on Twitter, like conservative talking to each other about you know, there's something off about this guy. I don't trust a guy who wouldn't take an eight million dollar contract. Well, you know what, the word says, the love of money is the root of all evil. So I actually find that very like, that's a very mature response, the idea like money is not the end all be all. Money is not, I guess for you weird conservative money is the end all, be all you want. But there's more to life than money. This guy's got to live with himself. And sort of looping this back to the Lizzo conversation, he it's clear that when you're signing that contract, you're not just signing for a bunch of cash. You are signing away a lot of your life, your autonomy, your faith, your beliefs. I urge everyone to check out Post Malone on Joe Rogan's podcast. He looks crazy, but he's a very mature young man, and he talks very honestly and openly about the sacrifice you have to make for success in the music industry and how it's not worth it. So I don't understand that mentality at all. That blows my mind, do I, Especially from conservatives, that that bit about you know, he's just got a poverty mentality and this and that just bothered me the thesis, but I leave that person alone on certain things because they can be vicious. But yeah, I if Lizzo Oliver Anthony is doing it exactly as it should be done, you know, choosing what does profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul. And sadly Lizzo didn't make that calculation, even though she claims to be a Christian. I mean, they talk talking about God all over the place on that big girl thing and praying and a sort I know, it's just again, it's gross, especially if you are a believer and know how your life is supposed to be conducted. It's just like, no, this is not No, God is not pleased with this. And for someone to tell you that God is pleased with this, oh, it's it's heartbreaking. So she did not count the costs for whatever reason, whether the money was just too good. I think, frankly, it's more of oh my God, finally I'm being recognized that because that's a deeper hole than the money hole is. Oh. I mean we were talking about it earlier before we got on camera, about that recognition people seeing you for what you have to offer to the world and they don't. They see everything else but what you truly have to offer. So when someone gives you that gift and you have those holes that she don't recognize, then yeah, you just get sucked right in. And I think she is reaping sadly that warwin. And I don't want anyone to think that we're giving her a pass on her behavior. But this is why I wanted to have Jennifer on the show, because she is so Everyone who listens to Jailty why knows I love nuance and you know, nuance is extra information that helps you make decisions about things. And we have a lot of these discussions on social media, which is small bites of information and small bites of opinion, and particularly in the political sphere, it's prudent or you're rewarded for giving a hot take, but not like considering all of the things. So, yeah, is what if what Lizzo did to her dancers is true, If these accusations are true, then yeah, they worked totally treated inappropriately. She is culpable because at the end of the day, they're working on her product, right, they're working for her essentially, and you she's an advocate, she's being pushed as an advocate and an ally and so if you are, you have to act like one, and she wasn't. So she'll pay the price for that. She is paying the price for that, as you say, her music. She's lost a few gigs. But here's the other thing about this conversation is really interesting to me because I've been when did she first hit the scene, like twenty sixteen something like that. Nineteen was when she really took off. She was around I think twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen was her first album when she was getting buzzed. Twenty nineteen she hit the stratusphere right, and I think and she hasn't made new music since. And typically when you're on a hot streak. This is why I think Rhanna and I know this is becoming a really pop culture discussion. Sorry, this is why Rhianna really left the business. She doesn't do music anymore. She is a fashion icon. She has a great makeup line and fashion. I love her makeup line, by the way, it's fat. She's a great businesswoman. She's very saddy. She didn't want to be involved in the pressure of always making new hits and new music. It's and I think it's probably particularly stressful for women because there are some other things women in the industry have to do to get their tracks and to get stuff pushed that is very unsavory. And it still goes on to this day. And if you don't believe me, you should look up Nicki Minaj telling the story about meeting Miley Cyrus in Doctor Luke's studio. So but she, I don't I think what you're saying about her being a flutist and having this other path that sort of got diverted and now she's struggling like everything's crumbling around her, and the fact that she's not making new music. It to me, all of this says she might be a little bit tired of this business and realizing like she's sort of done with it. But now she's trapped. She's trapped. You're contracted, You've got all of these future projects. Not only that, dozens of people around you depend on you for their living. And I can't even imagine, Jennifer, the people who come out of the woodwork too in your life, friends and family that you've never heard from, all of a sudden latching on and you pointed it out. So wow, there's this pain response we have were Oh, I'm being adored. I'm finally getting the acknowledgement and validation that my family never gave me before, and you want to keep that going. So she's on this wheel, it seems, and I just pray that, you know, sometimes God has to bring us to the and never wrote and maybe this is the end of her rope. Yeah, yeah, that I do pray for her because I you know, part of my growth arc as a writer and as someone who puts stuff out there is that I'm not just gonna write about these people. I'm gonna pray for these people because I have that that power in Jesus Christ. I can affect change for them and pray for them. And so yeah, I am praying for her that she comes to a true knowledge of Jesus Christ and that she'd be delivered from these snares and and that she finds some healing and and her true purpose because I'm sorry, you know, bearing yourself and you know bearing your button all that, that's that's not part of your true purpose. It's not nothing liberating about it. Again, another lie that came out that she promotes. No, this is liberating and this is freeing and no, it's it's just more bondage so that she finds true freedom. Because again, she's got a whole lot of stuff. Whether you know, there's been some things about plagiarizing, so whether she actually writes the way she's supposed to, who knows, But we do know she has the flute capability, and obviously she's a smart businesswoman. So you know, start allowing God to cleanse that and then move you in a in a direction that's going to promote that and truly help people, not this falsehood that's going around now. And frankly, you know, I'm one of these deeply charismatic spiritual people. I kind of see this as you know, God, God be not the sea, God has not mocked God is like, I'm I'm sorry, You're not gonna mock me this way talking about this as God and I'm doing God's work and he crashes stuff down so that his name is not being used in vain. A lot of what she's doing was using God's name in vain. I mean this this dance captain who's also part of the lawsuit, always talking about Jesus and you know, trying to say, well, you're not a Christian because you do that, it's like again using the lord's name in vain, and that just doesn't stand. Ultimately, you have to you have to account for that, and I think this is part of the accounting. But there's redemption even in that accounting, in my prayers for the redemption. Amen Amen to that. Hey, y'all, this is Alie Michelle. I'm a conservative social media influencer that has been censored by big tech. So I broke away from the restrictions and started a podcast called pillow Talk with Ally Michelle. My show is a space to have real conversations about the issues that impact our everyday lives without the fear of being canceled by the big tech tyrants. Subscribe to pillow Talk with Allie Michelle and FCB podcast on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you getch podcasts. That's ali a l II. Come check on my show. I'll see you there. While I have you on the line, let me ask you your thoughts about this Michael or Twoye family situation. I've written about it at my substack, which by the way, is just Cura Davis dot substack dot com or just look me up on substack and there's a lot of you know, a lot of people have been asking questions about it, and my take on it is is that the Twoyes should be able to prove their case quite easily. They should have financial records and receipts, and they've indicated that they've got all the receipts, and there's an indication that or this is not the first time that he has tried to shake the family down. The families estranged essentially now they don't communicate after that movie, and again, this is another situation where I feel like there's a lot of nuance in there. And not to excuse Michael Orr, but I will say this, and then I'm gonna let you riff on this. I never watched The blind Side. I didn't care to. I didn't, but I remember all the hype around it, and I remember Sandra Bullocks oscar Wynn, and I'm a big Sandraw Bullock fan, but I didn't watch it, and so I only ever saw him doing interviews, like him and his family doing interviews, and everything seemed cool, and I was like, Wow, this is a great story. And then I recently watched the movie, like a couple of years ago, and I was like, holy cow, they made him look retarded in that movie. And I don't I use that word like in its purest form, like in its medical sense, Like they made him look like he was mentally deficient and he's not, and they took so many liberties with him. And I thought, gosh, that must engender such a resentment, because now you've got to do all whole media tour where you go around with this family and everyone's talking to how great they are, and everyone's talking about all the great things they did for you, and no one's asking, hey, what did Michael bring to your family? What did he add to your family? How has he blessed you? You know, that's not the tone of it. The tone is like, how grateful are you to these people? And so I'm not saying that that's ever Like revenge is not an excuse, but it helps me get in his head a little bit about why he might be bitter and how that bitterness might be manifesting itself. I don't know what are your thoughts. Yeah, I didn't see the movie when it came out in theaters, but I saw it soon after. And well, I'm going to write an article hopefully someone will publish it outside of subset, but about the whole white savior thing, because I'm sorry, it's just overboard. It's like, who doesn't have a savior in this life? Who hasn't been helped, whether they're white, green, blue. So to constantly point anyone that helps a black person as a white savior is like, go home, please. You know, I'm just tired of that. We should appreciate and thank you know, there's there's a a expression that I used to use all the time, Praise the bridge that crossed you over. The philosopher said it, and I grab it all the time. You know, it was a bridge that carries you over. No, it didn't do everything for you, but it helped you to get to the next place. So, on the one hand, I liked the movie and that it shows, you know, community, Christian service. Sadly, the nuance was lost in needing to make it a cookie cutter Hollywood movie because there's a lot of nuance. Apparently, Sean Leem Twee comes from a very racist background. I mean literally her parent her She was walked down the aisle by her father. Sean Twee, as a sports guy, loves everybody had black, white, green, blue in his friendship circle, and her father's walking her down the aisle and he says, what are all these us doing in here? Why are all these us in the audience? I mean literally, that's the background Leanne Twee comes from. So for her to allow herself to be changed and for her her and her husband to have a way that says we are not going to deal with race. We're not gonna see race. This is not how we're going to live our lives. That's a huge story. Sadly, again it was glossed over. I mean there was that little scene in the in the restaurant with her girlfriends and a few other bids that kind of showed that, but glossed over on how deep an elite that is for her to be, for her to have been able to take a three hundred pounds six foot something kid into your house when you had a young daughter in there as well, so that those nuances are lost. And I agree that the pan of the trauma of dealing with the poverty that he came from and what had to be overcome in that also was just totally glossed over. Again, you don't show, you can't show so much on in to our movie, and it would have had to have been a drama in order to really show the depth of it. So we don't know how much of that trauma is still undealt with. And I frankly think some of that is that pat because he had a head injury. Apparently that's how he ended up getting retired out of the NFL. Was he had a concussion that it took him like two years to overcome and then finally he retired out. So how much of that is factoring into him as well, I don't know. But his brother, Young sj or Young Shan Sean Junior did an interview with Barstool Sports, and he, you know, he refused to malign him. He said, you know, I'm gonna love him. I love him this. You know, I'm not gonna say anything bad about him. I don't like what he's doing, but I'm still gonna love him and I still consider him a brother. But he made some references to the fact that he's been, like you said, trying to extort money here and there for a while. So there's something grievance going on. I don't know if it's this new wife hello, it's the way finds a wife finds a good thing. But Proverbs also talks about those other women. You know, I'm sorry, but a wife can make or break your life, and I'm not sure how much this wife is hoping his life by this. There's also those discrepancies between his twenty eleven memoir, which frankly sets the record straight and also talks about how he knew it was a conservatives ship. He wrote that he knew that they had a conservatorship and gives all types of praise to them and other people, to the two eis and other people. And now we're flipping to this, Yeah, either you know the whether it's the brain entry or his wife, or he just got beat up by the woke truck. Not sure what it is, but there's a lot going on that's causing him to make them a target. And sadly, we live in a climate now where white people are horrible and they're easy targets. So it's tragic because it's a good story. It's a good launch pad. In my discussions with people who have read the article and that I've talked to about it, they're like, this is a good example of showing how Hollywood fictionalizes things and what the realities we can pull out of those things. And I agree it's it can be a lesson plan as opposed to let's just you know, totally disregarded because it's white savior and now we got these corrupt people and all this stuff. And then they're trying to blame Sandra Bullock too, because I know she adopted black kids and just like shit played a freaking role. Everybody, leave Sandra Bullock alone, leave her oscar alone. When you maniacs, she didn't win an oscar for saving a black kid from the hood. She won an oscar for saying words that other people wrote. Leave Sanny Bullock alone, like, honestly, people, I just Jennifer. People just not enough people were spanked as babies. I am convinced, I guess, so I'll say this. I'll say this. I agree with you. I'm so glad you said it. I think the wife's an issue. I do, And I don't think people understand how influential this is. Another like we don't live in reality moment, Yeah we live, and you and I have had like personal conversations about this about relationships, in the nature of relationships and marriage and all that often just as friends. But one of the we live in this era where we're told that women are powerless and men and have all the power in the relationship, and the only way for a woman to have power is to act like a man and treat relationships like a man, and treat sex like a man. And it's the opposite. Women are so powerful. I hardly know. It's a rarity. I won't say never, but it's a rarity where I find a man who does not fear his wife like you. You think about it, Think about right now wherever you are, think about that. Those guys at work who are such big jerks. You don't like them, You think they're too horror, Sure, they're too we shoot, whatever the thing is you don't like about them. They want to always be right. But every one of those man has a men has a wife that he is scared of who like And I mean that in the way of I mean some women are scary, but also in the way that you fear the lord. It's like, I love this person, and I always say I always use this example. I never know who said this, but when women were during the suffrage movement, there was a politician they asked, oh, do you think women should vote? And he said, well, no, because if you let women vote, you're essentially giving them two votes, because every husband votes according to their wife or their or every man according to his mother. And that's how it is in my house. And I think so the idea that women are powerless, know they're a bad woman can turn a good man into jelly very quickly, and there are women out there who are very skilled at doing that and have it just the same way that men. Abuse of men. You can sniff out a weak woman and a wounded woman. Abuse of women can seek out weak men. And so that's what I think is happening with or And I was trying to think of, like there was one other case earlier where I was like, yeah, this is a this sounds like a wife problem to me. But yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. Well Smith, thank you, another pop culture reference. But hello, she she I mean, granted, they cheated on each other. They're the ones who chose that open marriage, but they cheat on each other. She cheats on him. Praise this younger man sits him in front of red table talk. He's emasculated, essentially, and he's okay with being masculated because he feels guilty about what he's done or who knows, and then his greatest moment, you know, contrast Sandrew Bullock and his greatest moment waiting for this author for a long long time. Should have won for pursuit of happiness, but that's another story. And he ruins it because of his wife. She couldn't she a good woman could have said, you know what, we'll deal with this later, we will deal with this on the outside. I will, I will, or I will have words with Chris, because I'm sure she could have and she did she and she did yeah, and she gave Will a look and then that just totally tanged it. Nobody remembers that he won the Oscar. Nobody remembers King Richard. Probably what they do remember is that slap. That slap is going to be forever, and that was. And that's what a good partner does, right, That's what a good wife does. A wife is a restraint. Marriage is a restraint for men. This is the other thing. I've been watching a lot of TikTok's lately, and I don't know, you know how the algorithms like you stop on one thing and then the algorithm gives you. So I stopped on some Like Inzell video, this guy like talking about just like, oh, just women, men cheat. We cheat. You just have to deal with it. That's how we are. You know, if you've got a good man who's taking care of you, that's what you should want. YadA, YadA, YadA. And it's like and men can't be faithful. That was what his premise was. And you know, I'm like, well, no, when you women are the moderation. I totally agree that men are driven by physical sensation and pleasure and you know the sex drive. We all know about the male sex drive. But women and marriage is the moderation for that. A good wife, Like, that's what I was thinking. When I go back and watch that video. I think if I were his wife, I would have told him to sit down or calm down. This is not the place to make this fuss. You are nominated for an Oscar tonight, like she's not covering him, is what I gathered from that and even sitting him down in front of the world on her very popular show and humilia making him have that humiliating, very personal conversation. First of all, he shouldn't have, but again, this is how women can be manipulative. So I don't know what their dynamic is in the home. It doesn't seem too great. He managed to convince himself it would be okay because like Jeffery, you know my husband. Most people don't know my husband. He doesn't care to. He splash our personal lives everywhere. That's not There are conversations that are for your intimate relationship, that are between you and the people you trust. And to see her do that, I just kept thinking, like, neither of these people are protected in their marriage right, very exposed. And again, to go back to the Lizzo thing, they think that so this is freedom. It's like, no, it's bondage. And the bondage is showing up, showing how much bondage there is, just by the fact that what it's producing in your life. Yeah, well, the men there you haven't like, marry a good woman, And how do you tell a good woman. I'm sorry to all my listeners who you know don't share my faith, but in my estimation, you find a godly woman because you need a partner who is who takes the same view of commitment and eternity as you do, and because the number of times my husband has prevented me from getting arrested, I couldn't. I can't count, you know, just by hey, this isn't the place, or let me advise you here, or let me cover you here. I mean the one time he wasn't with me, I almost did get arrested, getting kicked out of that hospital in Chicago when they had my uncle trapped up in the cancer ward and they wouldn't let you know, only one person at a time could go. I mean, this was just a couple of months ago, and I was like raving and they were like, ma'am, we're going to arrest you. You know, he wasn't with me to tell me calm yourself, and and that's really important. And I guess we could. We could have that conversation, even in terms of Lizzo, even in terms of like the or situation, but like to have somebody who is good counsel for you. It's not just about you being physically attracted to them or you know, desperately in love, but is this person good counsel for you? Do they do they protect you? You know, those are are a big deal. And if you have an unprotective spouse, you're at risk. Yeah, yeah, big time. A spouse who considers you above themselves. And not because oh, there's such a saint, but because it's about what you create together and protecting what you create together. And if you go off and do this thing, you're going to mess up that together. That that's why adultery is so horrific, because you have taken what is built here, what is secret, what is intimate, and you've thrown it out someplace else. You you've pulled somebody else into that, and yeah, you need someone who share, you know, skip the God thing out of it for people who don't want to believe in God and don't choose that, someone who shares your values, because you've got to be on the same value train that I don't believe there is. Oh I'm listen, I'm and choose that and everything's okay. It never ends. Well, got to share the same values God, God, to have the same and that's even personal values. I mean why while in terms of spirituality, me and my husband were at different levels when we got married, what we did share in terms of values was the sense of family. That family is important, that friendship is important, that loyalty is important, and so he wasn't someone who I said, I'm gonna go off with my friends and he says, no, you have to stay with me. You have to You don't only spend time with me. No, he got a ton of friends too. We were okay with you know, our friendship groups and including friendship groups in our family unit because that was important to us. Whereas some people, if you got a husband or even a wife who is just like, no, you have to spend time with me, and don't want to spend time with those people, it's like red flag. Pay attention to that. You guys don't share the same values in terms of friendship and relationship, or the opposite, if all he's doing is going off, or all she's doing is going off and hanging with her girlfriends. There's a couple of people that I know whose children are divorcing over this. It's very sad. You know that she's off partying and leaving the kids with him, and it's like that's also a value issue that needs to be addressed. So yeah, you know, finding the right mate involves you know, those values things, vetting, having people you trust, vet them. I mean, I'm not necessarily a big proponent of arranged marriages. However, I am a big proponent of the people in your life who you trust and who you understand. Given that person the seal of approval, and if they don't, if there's even one thing that they don't like about him, that that was my gauge. If there was one thing that they did not like about my husband, it was time to dump it. You know, I took we took a good long time to get to the wedding because he needed to be vetted. There go I and I got married and majorities so so yeah, it's it wasn't this. You know, we're just in love and we got to be in a hurry. It was no, I want the marriage to last for a long long time, and so I and as well as I've lived a life of singleness and happiness all by myself. Oh why do I want to get married and be miserable? So let me see how this works. So anyway, I went off on a rail. Sorry about that. Oh no, we're good at that. On this show. Everybody knows that. I mean, well, I could talk all day about relationship issues. Everybody knows that too. And I know I'm the longer we are into social media dating and tender dating and what that's done to courtship and relationships. I am more and more becoming an advocate arranged marriage. I see some value in the practice. I've talked to people now. I live in a very diverse area. I have a lot of East Asians, like Indian and Pakistani people here, and a lot of them do still come from traditional families where their marriage is where arranged. My dentist isn't an arranged marriage, and we've spoken about it, and she's been very open about it, and she was like, I mean, she was a little more progressive, like her parents arranged in marriage. But she had an out like she was like, Okay, I will will date for three months. If I still like this guy after three months, I will accept the arrangement. But I can say no if I want. Her parents agreed to that. But they dated. They weren't in love. They weren't in love. They dy They figured that they could build a life together. They figured their parents had made a good match. She said, we fell in love after we got married, and now he's my best friend. And so I think there's something to be said for arranged marriages. I don't know. I'm thinking about starting a side hustle here. I've got to get going. Jennifer. I'm so glad that you took the time to be with us today. Thank you so much. It's been a fascinating conversation. I hope you'll come back to the show at some point. But before I let you go, please tell everybody where they can find you online. Thank you so much, Cure for having me, always a pleasure. As the girl turns, that's everywhere on social media, my website, my substack, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, telegrams, truth, social Getter. I'm on the majority of the social media programs, even something called gab, which I won't get into, but it's quite bizarre. But as the girl turns, type that in and hopefully my website will be the first ten hits. Okay, well great, Thank you so much. Everybody. Don't forget you can like and subscribe to this podcast, and in fact you should, or you're a racist. I don't make the rules people, so and so go ahead, like subscribe, leave me a rating, five star rating, leave me a review. I'm aiming for a thousand. I'm getting closed. Check out my sub stack and you can find Jennifer's article over there, it's really great worth reading. Just Kia Davis at substack and on Twitter Real Kia Davis of course, and don't forget to go buy my book Drawing Lines, available on Amazon. It's more relevant than ever because mandates are coming back, and have you decided where you're drawing? You're lying in the sand. If you didn't before, you probably should now until we meet again, everybody remember every once in a while, just stop and listen to yourself. On my soda day, that we won't stay, then we won't to say all we got it? Does? No one can take that away? You don't say it's gonna be okay. Our prayers are my soda day, that we won't stay, then we won't to say all we got it? Does? No one get take that away? Go don't stay, It's gonna be okay. This has been a presentation of the FCB podcast Network, where Real Talk lifts. Visit us online at FCB podcasts dot com.
