Now this is the FCB Podcast Network, A brand soda day that we won't said, and we won't say all we gotta Does no one get take that oath? It's gonna be okay day that we won't said and we won't say all we gotta Does no one get take that o don't don't bathe it is don't be okay? Hey, everybody, welcome back to another episode of Just Listen to Yourself with Kia Davis. I am your host, Kia Davis, and this is where we take hot topics, hot button issues, and we discussed their talking points on those issues, and we draw those talking points all the way out to their logical conclusion. I'm excited for today. This is a fun one. Um as always, I'll get the caveat. I don't know how long I can talk about this check, but then I always end up talking on and on. But this has been a fascinating week for me in the realm of pop culture. It's been a strange week. We've spent the entire week talking about Jonah Hill, actor Jonah Hill, and modesty and relationships and boundaries, and it's been so interesting to see all of social media ignite over this discussion, and I will say that this is one of them. I'll get into what all this is because some of you might not be engaged with this, A lot of you might not be. But this is one of the good things I like about social media. One of the few good things is that it does enable because of the viral nature of it, It enables us to have corporate conversations that normally would would rest within family boundaries or just you at the coffee shop talking to your friend. And while I do lament the loss of that kind of private conversation because obviously it's added to all of the divisiveness that we have, the silver lining or the other side of it is that it also allows us to have corporate conversations that I think are very important and healthy for society. And in this day and age when I think all the wrong voices are being elevated, anytime that alternative views get to play in the same space, I think that's a good thing I do. And so we've been talking alternative stuff about relationships and boundaries. So here is what ignited this whole controversy. Actor Jonah Hill, you might know him from movies like Forgetting Sarah Marshall super bad. He's in like the Judd Apataw family. He's best friends with Seth Rogan. You've seen him everywhere, and he's started out as sort of a able, sort of awkward, chubby, schlubby loser, and that's not who he is personally, but that's sort of what he would play. I mean, I don't know how he is personally, that's not that's sort of what he would play. And recently, you know, lost a lot of weight, he took up surfing, he got healthy, He looks great, and he's also taken a lot of control over his mental health issues, which will get into later on because those are a really big part of this conversation. And so he recently got married and had his first child, and when the news of that child came, his ex girlfriend, a surfer named Sarah Brady. So when he met while getting healthy, right, he became a surfer and then met her and they did their thing. I think they did it for about a year. She released some text messages that he sent her and she was telling people, you know what, Everyone's congratulating him, but I want everyone to know what a control rolling, manipulative jerk he is. Here's these text messages that he's sent. I'm going to read the main he sent a bunch or she released a bunch, and of course they're edited. We don't see her side of the conversation very much. Regardless. Here's what the text message said, and then we'll get into it. We'll dig right into all this. So a long text message that he's sent to her in December of twenty twenty one, he says this, and if this is clearly the end of a long conversation that they've been having. Jonah Hill says, plain and simple, if you need and he has a list here. Surfing with men boundaryless inappropriate, inappropriate friendships with men to model, to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit, to post sexual pictures, friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past. Beyond getting a lunch, coffee or something respectful. I am not the right partner for you. If these things bring you to a place of happiness, I support it and there will be no hard feelings. These are my boundaries for romantic partnership. My boundaries with you based on the way these actions are, based on the way these actions have hurt our trust. So that's from Jonah Hill to his partner Sarah Brady. Now, before we get started, here's what's happening in this conversation in social media, in public, there are two sides that are forming. Always this is the downside of social media, right, the divisiveness. Everybody's got to pick a side. Nuance is dead. But here is what's happening here. On one side, you have the progressive feminists who are saying, this is manipulative, misogynist, toxic male behavior. Jonah Hill should be canceled for this, we shouldn't be watching his movies or what he's producing and directing now, and they're really trashing him for it. And then on the other side, interestingly, this is why I've been still fascinated to hear this conversation going on. On the other side, you have conservatives saying, what is the problem you woke feminists. This is a guy that's just setting boundaries for his girlfriend. He is saying, these are my standards for a relationship. I want respect, I want modesty, and we support that and pretty much every conservative talking head that I've seen and read, and there's actually a really great substack from Jennifer O'Connell. She's as the Girl Turns on Substack. She wrote a really great substack about this actually, and she took and she took the conservative side, but it's way deeper than That's a really great exploration of commitment and relationships and what romantic partnerships should look like, the difference between courting and dating and just hooking up. I loved it. Go check it out anyways. But she takes a view that most conservatives are taking on this issue, which is that the progressive feminists are out of their mind. It's always blaming toxic masculinity, and Jonah Hill was just asking for modesty. I'm going to be honest with you. I see it totally different. I am not on the side of Jonah Hill here. I think the person they're wrong here is Jonah Hill. I'm going to explain to you why I think the conservatives are being completely reactionary about this. They're only seeing one aspect of this conversation. But the text messages themselves lead to a larger discussion than I think is worth having, which is like, what does a healthy relationship look like? Here's some things that you need to know about Jonah Hill. That really should make a difference to how you view this particular text message. There were more, by the way, and I'll get to those. There were more, at least more, and actually, you know what, let me start with this right at the top. I'm not saying she was right in this situation. It looks to me like she was feeling like she was in her feelings when she found out that he had a baby and he got married. I think he got married like kind of on the downlow. He didn't tell anybody, so it hit the gossip. I am a huge gossip pound, so keep that in mind as we move forward in this discussion. I've read everything there is out there to read about Jonah Hill, and I think that she got in her feelings about you know, this marriage and this baby, and I think she was being petty. To be honest, I really do. I don't think everything needs to be aired. My friend Mickey and I were texting back and forth about this, and she was like, part of the problem here is that there's this generation of people that feel like they need to make every feeling public and every negative interaction public. It's like, some things are okay to keep to yourself. You know, not everything is for everyone, and she's like, that's part of the problem, and then it all gets blown up or it feels disproportionate when it could just be a heartbreak. It's does a regular old heartbreak that we all have and we all have to go through it at one point in our lives or another, and you learn how to navigate that and get through it. But it takes what is like a normal heartbreak that you might need to hip pause on and eat a bunch of ice cream and sleep for five days, takes that and blows it up into something huge and disproportionate. I think that's what's going on here with Sarah Brady. That's the name of his surf ex girlfriend. I think that's what was going on here. This is all speculation. I know neither of them personally. I know I'm making assumptions about their personality and how they look at the world. That is the caveat, But this is the ecosystem we live in people, right, We have entertainers and we have people who comment on entertainers, and they kind of need each other. So I I think she was being petty. I don't think she's in the right here, but that doesn't mean that Jonah Hill was in the right either. Frankly, at the end of the day, I think this is all stuff that should have been kept between them. They both clearly have issues. They both clearly were in a relationship that they shouldn't have been in that wasn't healthy, and unhealthy things happened. You know, you move on. They're not together anymore. They should have just moved on. But this is the era we live in. And again it's prompted this larger discussion. But let's start with let's start with the text. Let's just go down the text and I'll start with the surface level of what I think is wrong here, because there's what's on the surface, but there's what's underneath and what I know about Jonah Hell. So he says, look, you shouldn't be surfing with men. Okay, that's a weird request for a professional surfer, and a male surfing is a male al dominated sport. So the idea that she would never be surfing with men, I don't understand it as because he met her while they were surfing, right, He got into surfing so he could be healthier, So he met her because she was surfing with men. You know, isn't that a weird request? I think that that's a red flag right there. It's a red flag. It's like if my husband told me. It's like, you know, I don't think that you should be in a writer's room with men. It's like, well, most of the men in the industry are most of the writers in the industry are men. If I can never work with a man, I'm probably never going to work, So surfing with men. And it doesn't say surfing alone with men or surfing with one man is surfing with men. They says boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men? All right, fair enough, Like I don't think any of us want our significant other to have an inappropriate relationship with another human being. I'm going to dig into that statement more though, because there's more here than meets the eye. But let's just keep going down this list. Then he says, if you need to model again, she was a model when he met her. So it's like the guy who to me, the guy who dates the who quote falls in love with the stripper. And then it's like, I don't want you to strip for men anymore. I think that's gross. But it's like, this is how you met me, this is how you are attracted to me. Also, he works in Hollywood. Lives in Hollywood. Pretty much everybody is some kind of a model. Half the industry is like an Instagram model or TikTok model. I find that to be an odd request as well. It seems to be a professional request, a request for you to modify your profession, which I also find strange. He says, if you need to, he doesn't want her to post pictures of yourself in a bathing suit. Okay again, model, professional surfer listen. I live in southern California. I live in surfer culture. My daughter has done surf oft and on her whole life. When you're a surfer, you live in a swimsuit. And I'll tell you this, you live in a bikini. I when I we're very modest people, right, we're very modest Midwest people. And when we moved to California, I remember saying I could never let my kid where a bikini. It's so weird, like, oh that's too much skin, it's very immodest, and so I didn't. But then when we started doing surf, I realized, like, oh no, the bikini's practical, like guys, if you need to like go to the bathroom or something, you know, you have a lot of freedom to do that with women, to get like a one piece off, especially if you've got a wet suit on over that it's it's a lot. So I suddenly and then the sand. I mean, I'm trying not to get too graphic, but the sand gets everywhere. It's like you need like easier access You realize that the bikini in a place like southern California is actually a convenience every bit as much as it is like a fashion accessory. So I find it very odd that somebody from southern California would tell a girl to never post a picture of herself in a swimsuit. Girls of every body type, shape, race, ethnicity in this part of the country, that they do it because they spend a lot of time in bathing suits. We live near the beach. I just to me again, that's another red flag, all right, doesn't want her to post sexual pictures. That seems fair. He doesn't want her to have friendships with women who are in unstable places and from your wild recent past, beyond getting lunch or coffee or something. So we're saying, like don't hang out with those toxic, toxic females. And that seems fair too, right, Like my husband over the years have had has had a couple of friends who I have felt, you know, these people aren't a good influence on you, and you know, eventually we've had a conversation where it's like, maybe you don't want to be hanging out with this person because you lead a very different lifestyle and the two aren't really connecting, and it's affecting you and it's affecting your home life. Like I can think of one or two times when we've had conversations like that. So I get that, but again, I think there's more more here. And then he says, Hey, no hard feelings. If I'm not the right partner for you, these are my boundaries. If you don't want to respect them, be on your way, and you know, so long, good luck to you kind of thing. Hey, y'all, this is Ali Michelle. I'm a conservative social media influencer that has been censored by big tech. So I broke away from the restrictions and started a podcast called pillow Talk with Ali Michelle. My show is a space to have real conversations about the issues that impact our everyday lives without the fear of being canceled by the big tech tyrants. Subscribe to Pillow Talk with Ali, Michelle and FCB podcast on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you getch podcasts. That's Ali, Ali. Come check on my show. I'll see you there. Let's dig in all right again? So I talk about how surfing with men. That's so odd to me. Here's what I don't like about this moment when he says boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men, although that is in theory perfectly reasonable, what does he mean by that? Because that is so subjective. I have friends who are in emotionally abusive relationships, controlling relationships, and this is the language that they're significant others use, and the way that they're significant they're abusive partner. I'll just go ahead and call them abuse if the way that those abuse of partners frame it is like this is inappropriate. And sometimes it's just things like this friend might be in a group setting with people and men might happen to be there, or she might meet other friends out at a restaurant where there are simply men, and maybe the waiter flirted with her a little bit like you have to understand it's not in It's not all about what Jonah Hill is saying, but it's about who he is too. And I don't think enough conservatives know who he is. They think he's some modest conservative guy. He's not these things. He is not at all. He has struggled very much with controlling a manipulative behavior, So that puts a new spin on this. Are you going to trust your partner who has admitted to dealing with controlling behavior and manipulative behavior and is in therapy for it. Are you going to trust him to define what an inappropriate relationship is. He's struggling with defining relationships period, for whatever reasons, whatever has gone on in his life, He's already struggling with how to define relationships. It's why he's in therapy. Don't believe me. Go watch his documentary on Netflix. He has a Netflix documentary that he made about himself. Another red flag that is narcissistic behavior. Somebody who this guy grew up in wealth and privilege. His parents are connected Hollywood royalty, he's royalty lightly, there are industry people. Him and his sister who you know, she's a Broadway actress. She just got fired off a funny girl. Him and his sister grew up in privilege and wealth and in the entertainment industry in a show. His family and Shobu's families can be very stressful and not always the most stable place. So your your think, you're you're talking about a guy who is fighting against a culture that breeds narcissism, right, and he's trying to operate in this culture. I'm I'm I'm not saying he's to blame or that he's a bad person. I'm really not. I think I'm trying to tell you that we don't take into account the circumstances of what some of these wealthy celebrities go through. It's a lot more than you might think. It's actually a lot harder than you might think to be a celebrity, to be famous. So he's struggling with these issues, So why would I trust him to define what a healthy appropriate relationship is for his girlfriend with another man. I've known men who are even jealous of their girls relatives, male relatives. I'm sure, I bet, I bet we're all thinking of somebody right now who is just that way. That's who Jonah Hill is I think he doesn't want her a model again, That is so he doesn't want her to model, He doesn't want her to surf with men. Okay, again, what you're talking about is somebody who is saying, this is who you were when I met you, This is who you were when I asked you out. But now that we're dating, I don't want you to be this person. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't feel like you're It's respectful, but you're asking she's a surfer and a model for a living. Think about your significant other and if they said, you know what, I don't want you to do this profession. That is the whole reason I was attracted to you in the first place. I fell in love with you because you worked the friar at McDonald's. I love those French fries. I loved that how passionately you made those French fries and served those French fries, and I loved it when you brought those French fries home. But now that we're married, I don't want you to be the friar at McDonald's because someone else might like watching you make French fries too. I don't know it just maybe that's a bad analogy, but it just it's wrong. It's not wrong to make considerations. I'm going to point you back again to Jennifer O'Connell's very great substack on this. As the girl turns on Substa, she defines this as a boyfriend asking for her husband privileges. So I actually don't think any boyfriend should ever ask his girlfriend to do anything with her profession. Leave it move, girls, don't do any of that for your boyfriend. I think a husband can ask that because now you're in a different relationship. And you can go back and listen to my multiple episodes on relationships and marriage if you want to know what I think your responsibility is in a marriage. There's a difference between dating and marriage. But even still, I don't think a good husband would be like, I demand you stop this. There would be a discussion. That's kind of what I'm getting to, right, is that these are demands. This is a list. This is not a discussion. He hasn't wanted to post sexual pictures. Okay, I get again. This is what I'm saying, going back to knowing Jonah Hill has a reputation for being troubled and troublesome on movie sets. He is a very contentious relationship with the press, not surprising, but a very contentious relationship with other people in Hollywood. There are people in Hollywood who won't work with him anymore because he's erratic, and I mean, probably, like a lot of people, was self medicating and unpredictable. And I've heard people say it's just downright mean. He's just mean. So do I trust a guy like that to define what a sexual picture is, especially in this day and age. I mean, is a sexual picture you make in duct lips? Or is it you like, maybe with a nipple out, or what's the definition of that? Do I want my partner being naked in front of other people? No? No, of course not, of course not. But again, none of this is defined. We're assuming a lot of stuff, conservatives. You're assuming a lot of stuff about what Jonah Hill thinks that isn't true. That I know is not true because I read those gossip pages every day. So you're making assumptions about what his core beliefs are here. I guess I am too in a way. So Jonah, my apologies. I know this is this is the awful ecosystem we live in. I apologize it that we are using your life for fodder, but you know, it's how it is. Friendships with women who are in unstabled places. This isn't an uncommon request from men. But again, I want to go back to the idea of who is the arbiter of what those unstable relationships are or who those unstable women are, because if you ask most men, they will tell you that most women are unstable, right. And I think there's a great number of men who don't like their their wife's female friends because they just don't like what happens when women get together and they feel like it's toxic. I this is where I again, I just who gets to decide what the unhealthy relationships are? And we don't know because servaces, you don't know what she was doing with those friends. Maybe she was going out and getting high taken heroin, you know, ending up passed out in a gutter every night with her friend Kayla. Because because Kayla is a notorious drug addict, you know, maybe that maybe she is doing that and he's saying, oh, you can't do that anymore. But maybe she's just good. She's just a homie, you know what. I mean a homie who's like sticking with her friends through troubled times, because we all go through terrible times, we all make bad decisions, and there's a difference between supporting someone and sticking it out with someone even though they're not the best decision maker in their lives. I have I'm not going to name any names, but I feel like my friends will know who they are. I have many friends who I think make terrible decisions for their lives all the time, and I always tell them because that's what I'm known for her. But they always confuse me with their decisions, like what are you doing? This is a horrible decision you're making for your life, And their lives are filled with trauma because of the dumb decisions they make all the time. But I'm still there for them. I'm still their friend because when the things eventually come crashing down, they're going to need someone on their side. You know, That's what love is, that that's what friendship is. So is she a homie or is she like being irresponsible and being with people who truly aren't healthy. You know, if you're an alcoholic but you're still if you're sober but you're still hanging out with your alcoholic friends. You know, Yeah, that's those are toxic friends. So something like that. Again, I don't really know. I'm guessing from what I know again about Jonah Hill and some of these other text messages, But I don't really know. But you don't either, So I don't understand why conservatives are so like, oh, he hasn't done anything wrong. I think there's tons of red flags in this one text message. And then he says, if I'm not the right partner for you, these things bring you to a place of happiness, there will be no hard feelings if you read that, who's someone that you that. Let's say you read that in a Keanu Reeve's voice, right, this is why you can't take everything. And we hate it when progressives do this. I don't know why it's okay for us to do this, but we hate it when progressives. We'll take a text message, maybe you're making a joke with a friend, and they'll turn it into something nefarious. But when you're just reading the words, of course, it looks different. You interpret it differently. If Keana reads is reading this, I'm not the right partner for you. If these things bring you to a place of happiness, I support it, and there'll be no hard feelings. These are my boundaries for romantic partnership. And you're like, that sounds that sounds really reasonable. Like that, that sounds reasonable, right, But let's say you read this as Hunter Biden, I'm not the right partner for you. Then if these things bring you to a place of happiness, I support it, there will be no hard feelings. These are my boundaries for romantic partnership. It changes because one is from a one aspect is from a guy who's like genuinely saying, if you love something, set it free, and another is from a guy who's manipulative in control, and he's using this is gaslighting. This is gaslighting to me. This is not the language that you of, like, Hey, no hard feeling. Of course, there's hard feelings. That's why he sent the message in the first place. If there's no hard feelings, you don't send that. You don't even need to send this if you're in a relationship that's going to work. That is the point I'm really getting too. At the end of the day, this isn't necessarily about should you have boundaries in a relationship, Should you have standards, should you ask for modesty from your partner. That's not the discussion I know. This is the discussion most conservatives think we're having. I don't agree. I disagree. The discussion we are having is what constitutes manipulative behavior and what constitutes a good relationship. So I'm going to take a break right here, and when we come back, I'm going to talk to you about why I think the fact that this text message was even sent in the first place is a whole red flag and a reason not to just reactionarily. That's a word defend. Jonah Hill be right back. Hey, y'all, this is Alie Michelle. I'm a conservative social media influencer that has been censored by big tech, so I broke away from the restrictions and started a podcast called pillow Talk with Alie Michelle. My show is a space to have real conversations about the issues that impact our everyday lives without the fear of being canceled by the big tech tyrants. Subscribe to pillow Talk with Alie Michelle and FCB podcast on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you hitch podcast. That's Ali Ali. Come check on my show. I'll see you there. Okay, I want to point out that while I've been looking at this story, I mean I've seen multiple pictures of Jonah Hill with his ex girlfriend in a bikini. She's in a bikini, He's posted the pictures. Anyways, I want to read some of this Vanity Fair article on the issue. And by the way, Jonah Hill is he has been very very open about and I actually have respect for him because he's stepped back from the spotlight. He's very open about anxiety. He has body issues. As you can imagine. He started out as a chubby actor, and when you're a chubby comedic actor, that's how you get pegged. And then everyone will always mention it. And I know, as somebody who is overweight and is on TV, like even to have one comment about I wait, it stings. It doesn't matter that comes from a total stranger who doesn't care even to have one, it does. It stings. You can't help it. I'm totally confident in who I am. It still stings. So I can't imagine opening social media or the trade papers every day and seeing commentary on your body, like, especially as you're a teenager or a young man. Yeah, like absolutely, I get it, and so he has been very open about anxiety and what it's done to him. And he actually took the time to step back from his job so he could deal with his mental health issues, which is nice. And when you have a job that pays you so much money, you can actually stop working for a little while. And so this Vanity Fair article talks a little bit about that. He has said in the past, he's asked people, just quote, stop commenting on my body. It's not helpful and it doesn't feel good. That is fair. So one of the text messages that he'll sent he told her that he doesn't want her to post pictures of herself surfing. Yeah, he doesn't want her to post pictures of herself surfing or quote, you in a bathing suit surfing or not? All right? And then here's another message he sent her. He says, I love how your therapist thinks I suck. I am literally the best boyfriend on earth. And then here's another text message that he sent her in the middle of an argument. So it's seems to be sarcastic. He says, go go model. Then it's a fulfilling life. You'll love it. Real depth and substance for sustainability of relationships. So he's clearly struggling. He's clearly struggling with having a girlfriend who's in the public eye, and they're clearly arguing about this. Again, I'm not taking her side. I'm not defending her, she even says later on, she tells Vanity Affairs, Hey, Vanity Fair, Hey, I have my own issues. I have my own mental health issues. But you know, Jonah gets to be public about his you know, and the things that pressure him. So this is one of the things that pressured me, and I wanted to be public again. I'm with my friend making it on this one, like, not everything needs to be made public. This is my fan. I wanted to do a depression episode. I'm gonna get to it because my views have changed so much over the years since I was diagnosed with chronic depression as a young mom. And at the beginning it was like shameful. I was really embarrassed, and then it was like, well, I'm gonna own it. I'm gonna be open about it. And now I'm like, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Everybody's talking about it. Well, you know what I want to know. I won't raise your hand, if you don't have depression, that's what I want to know. I think my husband and I have one other friend who says she's never like been She's been sad, you know, but she's not she doesn't struggle with depression. Like I think we're talking about this too much. I do. I'm all the way back to the other side. There's actually a guy I want to have on the show. He was on rogan Um and he wrote a book and I met him actually on Steve Hilton's show when Steve was on Fox. And one of the things he says in his book is that, you know, we're we're blaming chemistry for depression too much, and we need to kind of go back to that old passioned definition of there's there's some issues that you need to dig out. Anyways, that's a famous Davis Stiper. I'll try to get that guy because the issue, the whole thing, is something I want to talk about. Who isn't depressed. You're the person I want to talk to these days. Um. So I think she's being petty, I really do. I think, if I'm just being honest, I think all of this came out because she's feeling hurt that he moved on and had a baby. But still, I know there are people out there who are saying he is just setting boundaries. He's just saying, I'm this is what I need for me. And I'm telling you that based on what I know about his personality and the way he's treated other people, particularly women, and his upbringing, I think it was way more nefarious than that. Again, if this text message is coming from Keanu Reeves, maybe we're all just going, hell, yeah, honor those girl, that's Keanu Reeves. You know he's just being a straight up dude. He's just being straight up with you. But this is not Keanu Reeves. This is a different guy. And again all credit to Jonah Hill, who has been as open as he can for a person who suffers anxiety and the Hollywood life is not easy, no matter what you think it is. I think you would be shocked to know. You would be shocked to know what some of these people have done to keep their career men and women, and you would not be shocked to know that that causes some mental schisms from time to time. Imagine being a straight man and having to sleep with a producer having for a movie role. There are several leading Hollywood men. I'm not gonna name names because it's all rumor and gossip. There are several Hollywood leading men that you look at this to this day as like manly men. They're the quintessential heterosexual male on screen who are straight married, have children or had children, and who slept with male producers to get to where they are. Imagine what that does to you, right, Imagine what that does to your psyche, What that does when people praise you in public, when you do a press chunk and and everyone's going, you're such a good guy. Oh my gosh, you're you're so down to earth, and look at all this money you gave to this charity, and you have the right political views, and you know on the inside what you've done to get where you are. It messes with people. So celebrity culture in general should cast suspicion over all of this, in my opinion. But I also, as I have been saying at nausea, I'll stop saying. I know, you know some of the things that Jona Hill's head, So I'm glad he's he's open about it. But the thing is is that it is okay for a relationship to have boundaries. And I do understand that, of course, my marriage has boundaries. But listen, y'all, I have been married for twenty six years, and if my husband send me a text message like this, I would drop kick him when he walked in the door, because to me, it would sound manipulative, unreasonable, It would be completely out of character for him, first of all, and second of all, I would be like, who in the hell are you are you telling? Like, give me examples, what are you talking about setting boundaries? We've been married for twenty six years, Like, we don't hear that. And that's the reason why he doesn't have to send that text message. And this is why I think we're putting the onus on the wrong person. Conservatives in this conversation. You're putting the onus on her. Oh, she's being petty, which I think she is. She's being bitter, which I think she is. And the feminists are being unreasonable. And but Jonah Hill is in the way. He's simply a modest man asking for modesty from his girlfriend. I do not see it that way. You. This is the problem. That is a narcissistic point of view, that is a point of view that says the person that I'm in a relationship with, if the relationship is not working out, it's their fault rather than your fault for being in the relationship in the first place. He knew she was a model, he knew she was a surfer, He knew what she did for a living, where she went, and who her friends were. He knew all of that and dated her anyway. Ladies, we say this to each other all the time. Don't you can't change him, girl, you can't change him. But seems to me that's exactly what Jonah Hale went into this relationship thinking, well, I can change her to be who I want her to be, and then when she wouldn't be who he wanted her to be, fair or not, then he puts the responsibility of all of that onto her rather than saying, you know what, I made the bad choice. I shouldn't be in this relationship. We don't share the same values, we don't share the same ideas. You don't have to speak all of this stuff out loud if you're with the right person. Occasionally, occasionally, over the twenty six years of my marriage, my husband and I have had a conversation about something a specific situation that might be appropriate it or not. I'm thinking of one situation where there's this movie you really wanted to see. I was out of town and my friend, our mutual friend from his workplace who's a good friend of mine, and a woman asked if they maybe wanted to He wanted to go see the movie with her, And even though I know her, I know her boyfriend, like we're all friends, I was like, you, I told him that's inappropriate. Now there's there were a lot of extenuating circumstances, not the least being which he's she works for him. So I'm like, now you're putting yourself in a situation where whispers could start and rumors could start. I'm not thinking about what you and her would be doing, but I'm thinking about how that would look professionally for you, professionally for her, because a woman knows gets the brunt of all of this, and you know, that's just an example. And so I was like, no, I don't think it's a good idea, and he was like, okay, fine, no problem. And by the way, it was something he asked me first. I didn't come to the tail'll be like I heard you guys might be going. He called and asked me, and I was like, Oh, if I think about this, maybe not a great idea. Great fine, I'll see you when you get home. Occasionally we've had discussions like that. The fact that my husband would even ask me tells you that we went into the relationship with the understanding that we were on the same page about relationships, morals, values, and boundaries. We didn't need to make demands of each other because we courted, pointing you back to Jennifer O'Connell's excellent substack piece. We courted. We didn't. We dated, but we were courting. Really, we weren't having sex. We were or not with each other. We both had relationships outside of our own relationship, but there was something sacred about ours. Now I know it's because was placing us together, but there's something sacred about ours. We always were daily, dated off and on, but always with the idea that this is someone I could see myself within the future. So I'm investing time. That's a difference between dating and courting, and it's a quick primer. I think I've done an episode on it. I might do another one. But we courted, which meant we got to know each other before we dove into this like hot and heavy engagement and marriage thing, and we understood we were on the same page. So when you have when you are with, when you are SpotCo with somebody, demands don't need to be made, do you understand. And that was a list of demands, Even if you think they were reasonable, it was still a list of demands. And no one should ever talk to their partner that way. You don't talk to the person you love like that. I saw someone a conservative on Twitter yesterday saying, Hey, isn't this what ladies do all the time? We set boundaries? Well, no, I'm always giving ladies this advice. Stop making demands, setting boundaries or asking for respect. Being respected is not the same thing as demanding respect. And too many women, too many of y'all, don't understand the difference. So you don't know why these toxic males out here find a strong woman so distasteful. But in the meantime, you run around telling every guy that might be interested in you or that you want to day, I am a strong woman. You will respect me and this is what I mean. I need you to do X Y and say you better and whatever fill it in with whatever. You better pay the bills, you better put gas in my car. I'd better see you holding that door for me. Oh no, you don't talk to me any old kind of way. What kind of way is that to talk to somebody that you're interested in loving. That's not command ending respect, that's demanding respect. So when I tell women you have to hold yourself with an air of respectability, I'm not telling you you need to go wave your finger in front of the next man you like and tell him this is what you'll do or else. That's a demand you carry yourself as a woman who is worthy to be respected. And then you know what happens. You attract men who will respect you. And while not every man out there is a respectful man, what happens is you begin to know thyself. And so when you do come across a disrespectful man and maybe you get you know, hey, all those hormones get involved. Maybe he's fine, he's got those watchboard ads. You go in a little too far. Once you realize, oh, this is not a respectful man. You don't send him a text message. This is what you need to do, ABCD or I'm out of here. Just leave you don't belong with him, And a woman who commands respects understands that instinctively and will not allow yourself to be disrespected, not by making demands, but by simply walk and waiting for the respectful guy. And that's what I see when I look at this text message. I see a grossly insecure man who doesn't know how to command respect, and so he is demanding it. Don't know nothing about Sarah Brady except her profession. She's never been in the gossip papers except as his girlfriend, and I definitely know more. And again, this is all surface level. I feel compelled to keep saying that because I don't want to act like I know him personally. That's not fair. Can only comment on what's in the public. So, yeah, she's got her own issues. But that is what I saw, A man who is very insecure, who has probably been hurt. And imagine how difficult it is to be a celebrity and find real love, you know, find people who aren't trying to use you. I can only imagine how that messes with you, your brain and your heart art and I want to get I'm trying to be gracious, I know it. He's he's a mean guy, like I've heard him talk about conservatives. This is terrible. He's not the Rogan's best friends, so you can imagine the conversations they have about us. I heard him say terrible things. But I'm trying to offer him grace because I don't think his life has been easy. It's been rich. He doesn't have to worry about bills to pay. But I don't know that we will want to have to worry about some of the things that dude's got to worry about. I really don't. I would never get a text message like this from my husband either. When we were dating, although we didn't have text messages, we actually had to call each other with our voices and then arranged to meet up somewhere. And if you didn't meet up somewhere, there was nothing to do but call and leave a message on their answering machine catch up. I've I know some kids can understand it. I've I've actually missed dates because our wires got crossed. I can remember, like when I was a young woman in Washington, DC and there was this guy I thought was so cute and he asked me out and we made arrangements. He was going to like come to the house and pick me up at a certain time, and then I went out. We got the times mixed up. I went out to get something, and when I came back, my stepmother was like, oh, that this guy was out the door for you, and I was like, oh, I don't know where she went, And so he went away. He went on with the date we were going to go to a club. He went on to the club thinking I dissed him. So it was like a full twenty four hours before we figured out, Oh no, we just got our wires cross. Can you imagine these kids freak out when you can't get a text message back in a minute. Oh yeah, times were rough kids back in the pre internet days. But even then, I never would have gotten a list of those demands from my husband, and I certainly wouldn't now. And I have a job that takes me all over the place, puts me in situations where I am with gentlemen and without my husband, and there are certainly situations I suppose where he could make demands, but he doesn't because we have an understanding. We know, we know what our what each other's natural boundaries are. Those boundaries are defined by our faith, our love, and our marriage vows. This is another thing Jennifer was saying that I think was really valuable that you know, he was asking for husband privileges. Yeah, that's still a pretty demanding husband. But at the very least book texts he sent her. That's a husband privileged texts. That's not a boyfriend privileged text But my husband would never send it. And that's my gauge for how healthy what he sent was. This is not a request for modesty, people. These are demands, and demands are manipulative. Hey, y'all, this is Ali Michelle. I'm a conservative social media influencer that has been censored by big tech. So I broke away from the restrictions and started a podcast called pillow Talk with Alie Michelle. My show is a space to have real conversations about the issues that impact our everyday lives without the fear of being canceled by the big tech tyrants. Subscribe to pillow Talk with Allie Michelle and FCB podcast on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you getch podcasts. That's Ali a l I. I come check out my show. I'll see you there. He's here is a let's compare him. Let's compare Jonahill to Mike Pence, because I think this is in the same realm here and give you an example of really what the difference is here. By now, a lot of us know the pens rule. Mike Pence got a lot of flat when he was running for office, with Trump saying hey, I don't meet with or socialize with alone with women who aren't my wife. My wife must always be president. I don't go to dinner alone with a woman, even if it's in a professional aspect. And of course, the progressive leftists, and I think this is why conservatives are pulling so hard to the right for Jonah Hill on this issue, because the leftist went after Pence so bad. I mean, they said the horrible things. Here's a guy who is saying like, oh, I love my wife and I want to respect her place in my life and our marriage, and they're going, what a horrible person. It's because he's a rapist. He can't control his rapist tendency, so he needs to have his wife around. Meanwhile, they defend actual rapists, So Hollywood, like the leftists, progressive leftists are all upside down on everything. Oh man, and so he was getting all kinds of accusations. But of course he wasn't saying like, oh, if I'm along with a woman, I'm not I'm not gonna be able to control myself. What he was saying was, I have a certain respect for our marriage, and I hold it in a certain reverence, and so I set I'm setting boundaries for myself to protect our marriage from like I did my husband that one day, perfectly innocent request that certainly had no nefarious intentions to it at all, But still I was protecting him from innuendo, nuanced rumor. You never know these days, with what like the lititiousness of America, particularly when it comes to sexual harassment. So he's protecting himself from false accusations, also protecting his wife. You know, she doesn't have to look foolish. Some gossip monger out there like me, I'm sorry, says oh, I saw your husband out alone with another woman. He and she looks foolish, even if she knows the real situation. He's protecting her, But he's also just saying, I'm I'm just I'm protecting myself too, from from any possible temptation. Perfectly reasonable. The Mike Pence rule is very common, or some version of it in most Christian circles. My husband and I have similar rules, although both of our professions put us in contact with members of the opposite sex. But if if I know I'm going to be alone with a guy, I will tell him. But I've had times where I've had to, like I've been at a conference and I needed to like record in my room with a gentleman, and so I've had to invite someone up up to record. I always call my husband and tell him not that, not because I think he cares. He knows that I'm not going to do anything. He totally trusts me. I would never, But it's the respectful thing to do, and it also it's protecting us, right. It protects us both. So he doesn't have to hear some rumor somewhere down the road, well, I saw your wife go into her room with so and so or such and such a nating come out for forty five minutes, two an hour, depending on how long she talked. He's protected from situations like that. And I'm protected too. If someone wanted to spread rumors about me and my industry, and I could be like, look, I I was very open about this. I made sure my husband knew that this person was here with me, and there's nothing to cover up. So we even we have certain boundaries like that, I don't have a rule where I never meet alone with a man, but I never meet alone with a man that to where I don't tell my husband. And again he doesn't care. He literally doesn't care, Like oh, every time I've called and be like, oh, so and so I was going to be in my room and like tell him, I said hi, bye. But that's Pence the difference. But the difference between what Pence is saying and doing and what Jonah Hill is saying and doing is one of them is taking responsibility to be the protector of the relationship and the other is demanding that his partner be the protector of the relationship. And that's not a very manly thing to do. Men are leaders, and so what you're seeing is Pence being a leader, leading by example. Now do I think that his wife does the opposite, No, I think she's the same way. Why they share faith, they share a belief system, they share values. These are personality traits that obviously make for a successful marriage. So they're on the same page, so I'm saying, but he's also offering an example for his wife too. This is what I do to protect our relationship. This is me saying I love you this much. And when you love someone, you want to do good things for them, right, You want to protect them. That's how a mutually respectful relationship works. So it's not a hardship for me to call my husban been and say, oh, so and so is going to be in my room for an interview. It doesn't feel like a hardship. It's a courtesy because my husband leads by example and by being the provider and the protector first and foremost of our family and relationship. What I see Jonah Hill doing is the opposite, right, saying, this is not on me to do, This is on you to do. These are the list of things I need you to do to protect this relationship. And if you don't want to do it, that tells me you're not being a very good partner to me. It's a guy acting like a leader instead of being a leader. Right. Someone who acts like a leader barks out orders. Someone who is a leader is simply the kind of guy who exudes leadership and leads By example, I worked in Northside Chicago coffee shop as a young woman, and the bums would come in and use our bathroom and leave all kinds of horror in that bathroom. And I remember one guy came in He's puked all over the bathroom. I had just started. I was like new, like three months into this shop. And my boss was like, actually a regional manager for I was Seattle's best coffee shop. You only see them in movies these days. But she was just got into work and I was like, oh my gosh, you can't believe I'm gonna And she was like, now, I'm not going to make you clean it. I'll clean it because I need you to see me doing this, and I need you to know that I will never ask you to do something that I wouldn't do myself. That's leadership, you know. And then that made me want to be loyal to her. That made me want to be the next person to go in there and be like, you know what, I'm gonna suck it up, gotta do this. It's the worst. The story even made sick. That's what a leader is. That's why I I just I don't see John Hill as the good guy in this situation. I don't think there is a good guy in this situation. I do think, however, that the conversation is good because I do understand why conservatives are having this reaction completely. We're into this hyper sexual age where everything is sexualized, even our little kids, you know, even the stuff that they watch, even the stuff we want to talk to kids about. These days. Everything is so hyper sexual that it is refreshing this idea of somebody who wants like modern, like traditional boundaries for a relationship. I'm getting tired of this word boundaries actually, because because the thing about the boundaries, you don't talk about the boundaries. You should just have the boundaries, and you got to keep talking about the boundaries. That's therapy speak. A matter of fact, I read a great quote. I wrote a substack about it. Go to my substack too, by the way, just here Davis substack dot com. I wrote about this very issue as well. But the New York Post pulled a little commentary from a TikTok therapist. He's just a therapist on TikTok. Just because he's on TikTok doesn't mean he's a real therapist. But he has some interesting things to say. His name is therapy Jeff on TikTok. He says Hill was using therapy speak to control Brady, and his use of the word boundaries is a misuse of the concept. A boundary is a healthy limit a person sets for themselves to protect their wellbeing an integrity. Here that that's the pencil difference, right. A boundary is a healthy limit a person sets for themselves to protect their wellbeing an integrity. It is a rule or guideline that one creates to identify reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for others to behave towards them and how they'll respond when someone passes those limits. However, this is not what Hill did with Brady. Instead, he is dictating what behaviors and friendships Sarah is permitted to have. He's essentially instructing Sarah on who she can be friends with and what she can do professionally and how she can show and how she can show up online. It's more about restricting Sarah's behavior to suit his comfort levels and insecurities than expressing his feelings or needs in a healthy matter. Boom, I mean, I feel ashamed because he just succinctly said what I have taken an hour to say. But this is what This is the difference between Mike Pence and Jonah Hill and what they did. Mike Pence taking responsibility for his boundaries. Are your boundaries? Are yours? If someone crosses your boundaries, the answer to that is not to demand they put boundaries. The reaction you have is to go to your agreed upon response, right the thing that you have said to yourself, this is my response when my boundary gets crossed. Oh, you know what, if a guy moves too fast, I will leave the room, like I'll end the date. If I feel a guy is getting too comfortable on our first date, you know, I'll walk away. Or if I feel like my mother is getting too nosy about my marriage, I will not accept her phone calls or you know what, that's not my mother by That's just an example. But but a boundary is something you set for yourself. Y'all set boundaries for other people. It's not healthy behavior. This is not this is not good speak. I cannot defend this. I think conservatives are being totally reactionary. You're you're doing the you're being professional contrarian. You're being contrarians. Well, the progressives are mad about it, so I'm gonna love it instead of actually taking the end. Progressives do this too. I hate this. This is what this is? Why do this podcast? This drives me nuts. Nuance is dead again. This isn't Keanu Reeves gently asking his girlfriend to stop posting so many skimpy pictures online. This is a guy who has admittedly dealt with emotional abuse issues, control issues, and manipulative issues. And you know, to be fair, Sarah Brady got into a relationship with him too, so they both were in an unhealthy relationship. They both made decisions that they probably shouldn't have made. And yeah, girl, it does look petty that you would put all this private stuff out there right when he had a baby. Leave the man alone. You made your decisions. You were in a bad relationship with a toxic guy. That's your fault. That's your fault. It's not his fault. Ladies, this is what I can't stand. I'm never gonna be your friend. Who is I'm all for? Like girl code right, Like if your friend says, hey, that be over there was rude? Mean we hate her, I'm like I'm like, yeah, I hate her too. Obviously I don't care what the situation was. If she was rude to you. I'm on your side, but I am not going to be on your side. If you deliberately get into a toxic relationship, you continue nurturing toxic behavior, you get addicted to the drama, and then you want to complain to me about your partner that you know is bad for you, who you know makes bad decisions, who has never treated you the way you want to be treated. That's your fault, it's not his fault. At some point, I stop blaming that other guy because you don't have to be in the relationship. So, ladies, y'all need to start taking some responsibility about the men you're choosing. You have most of the power in the relationship. There's an older episode about this. Go back and listen to it. Ladies, you have the power in any given romantic relationship. You do you just you don't know it. Hey, y'all, this is Alia Michelle. I'm a conservative social media influencer that has been censored by Big Test. So I broke away from the restrictions and started a podcast called pillow Talk with Alie Michelle. My show is a space to have real conversations about the issues that impact our everyday lives without the fear of being canceled by the big tech tyrants. Subscribe to Pillow Talk with Allie Michelle and FCB podcast on Apple, Spotify, iHeart or wherever you hitch podcasts. That's Ali, Ali, Come check on my show. I'll see you there. I don't know. I know this isn't the popular point of view on the conservative side. I am going against the grain on this, but again, I would appeal to my love of celebrity gossip. Let's say the second I read those texts, they were in a totally different context for me than they were for I think most conservatives, now here's most conservatives would know who Seth Rogan is and how awful he is to anybody on the other side of the political spectrum openly online. Right. We've written article after article about him, and if you saw those text messages from him to his girlfriend, you would label them abusive. Well, Jonahillo is south Rogan's best frame there. Okay, well, what do you think Give me a give me a ring, Give me a ring, We don't ring. Send me a message. J L T y a ProtonMail dot com. J L T y at ProtonMail dot com. I need a favor from you guys. I need you guys to go to my substack and subscribe. Just Kira Davis dot substack dot com. You can do it for free. There is a paid side, so sometimes I put out articles that you have to pay to c and you have to pay to comment, but there's a free side as well, and just uh, you know, if you don't mind sign up for it, just helps me in the algorithm. Rate and review this podcast if you would give it five stars and give it a couple of words review, even if those words are Kia looks cute, anything, All of it helps with the algorithms. Gosh, we're all just beholden to this algorithm. Saw a movie this week you might like if you're into horror movies, Insidious Red Door. I think it's a third installment of the Incidius series. Really good, really good. Blumhouse has sort of reinvented the horror genre and they've done every kind of scare there is, and yet they found new ways to be scary in this movie. And I thought it was really well done, and it was It had an uplifting ending, which is rare for a horror movie. It had a really nice message about family commitment and sacrifice. So insidious Red Door. If you're into horror much, my daughter and I are the boys in our house. Not so much good movie for you to go see. I'm hearing the Sound of Freedom is great. I might buy a ticket, but I'm not gonna go see that movie. I don't prefer to see movies that make me feel sad or angry or desperate about the state of the world. I don't want to be depressed. I remember my husband and I were looking at an ad for till, the movie about em at till were they subjects right ammtt till the young man who who's unjust racially motivated death ignited the civil rights movement. We were watching an ad for that. My husband was like, the ad said something like, go see this movie today. It's the most important movie you'll see all year. And my husband's like, oh no, I don't feel like killing myself, Like, no, this is the This is a depressing and tragic story, and as important as it is in history, I don't care to spend my entertainment dollars being made to feel horrible about all the horrible things in the world. So that being said, that's not how I spend my entertainment time on stories like that. But I hear it's good, and I do love Jim Caviezel, So maybe give that a shout out. If you've seen it, would you let me know? J ltya protomail dot com. Here's my question before I let you go. Here is my question. Is it a good movie or is it a movie about something good? Because those are different things. I can remember when my friend, my friend from church, told me, girl, you have to go see Tyler Perrys. Why did I get married? It is so good? And my mother in law was like, you have to see Tyler Perrys. Why did I get married? It is so good? And I was like, wow, hey, Tyler Perry. I love me some Tyler Perry. I don't always like his entertainment stuff. He's a great businessman. He's built an empire. Respect that and I'm even envious of it. And so I was like, okay, And he always is writing about traditional faith and marriage concepts, and so I saw it and it was terrible. I mean, it was about something good, which is marriage and commitment and faithfulness and being committed through the rough times it was really wonderful, refreshingly traditional subject. It was terrible. The acting was terrible, the writing was terrible, the set pieces were terrible. It was clunky, it was it felt like a very low budget production. It was terrible. I think sometimes like Christians and conservatives are just so happy about a message they don't care about the product. I want to know if that's what the Sound of Freedom is like. Is it a really good because Jim Caviezel is like a legit Hollywood actor. You know, he's been in some of the best stuff out there, including the Passion of Christ. Of course, he's really good at his job, and he knows what a good professional looking product looks like. So is this a good, professional looking product or is it just a product with a good message. Let me know. J L. T Y at ProtonMail dot com. I'm really curious. Again. I'm not going to spend my time to see it because I don't watch those kinds of movies. I don't watch movies about slavery, y'all. I don't watch movies about civil rights violence. I don't watch any of that stuff because because I know what happened is depressing and I want to watch something that like brings me joy, and yes, ghosts and and horrific horror brings me joy. Sue me. All right, you guys, this is it for me this week. Thanks so much for tuning in. Don't forget to go to my sub stack rate and review all that good stuff. Follow me on Twitter at real Kira Davis until we meet again. Every once in a while, just stop and listen to yourself that we want to say all we gotta does no one get dictato? And be okay my brain lore, my soda day that we won't pay and we won't say all we got it? Does no want to take that away? Don't okay. This has been a presentation of the FCB podcast Network, where real talk lifts. Visit us online at FCB podcasts dot com.
