Ep. 39 - Jillian Is a Real B

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[00:00:47] This is the FCB Podcast Network.

[00:00:51] For our episode of A Very Merry Podcast, I'm your very merry host, Kira Davis, and I am here with my very merry co-host, Amelia Hamilton.

[00:01:20] Amelia, happy day. How are you doing?

[00:01:24] I am doing well. How are you today?

[00:01:26] I am so good. I don't want to delay at all. I want to talk about this movie.

[00:01:32] There's a lot.

[00:01:33] Immediately. This movie, there is so much going on. Today's movie is Dear Santa and I'll let Amelia introduce it.

[00:01:43] But before we get started, Amelia, really quick, we need to just do some housekeeping.

[00:01:48] Number one, I want you to just tell people where they can subscribe and get a hold of us so that they know.

[00:01:56] Yes. All right. So we are obviously A Very Merry Podcast. So subscribe, like us, leave a review, tell your friends.

[00:02:03] We are wherever you find podcasts. You can find us. But also follow us on A Very Merry Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, and A Very Merry Pod on Twitter.

[00:02:14] And email us at A Very Merry Podcast at Gmail.

[00:02:19] That's great. And then the other thing is, is that the nature of this podcast is lighthearted, poking fun at cheesy Christmas movies.

[00:02:33] And we are very appreciative of all of the efforts that go into Christmas land.

[00:02:38] And everything we do here is done with love. We wouldn't want it any other way.

[00:02:43] OK, Amelia, tell us about today's movie. I have so much to say.

[00:02:48] I do, too. So this is the 2011 classic Dear Santa. It was originally a Lifetime movie.

[00:02:55] So I have not watched this in a long time. It was an old favorite of mine.

[00:03:00] And oh, my goodness, I had forgotten a lot of this.

[00:03:04] And it was. It was it was very different than I remembered.

[00:03:09] So is it still an old favorite?

[00:03:12] I do still like it, but it was. So when you know, the other the last the first movie we watched this season, which we're in season four now, by the way, congratulations to us.

[00:03:24] But so the first one we watched this year, which was Christmas Prince, I had I kind of joked that like the little thing came up in the beginning with, you know, morning fear.

[00:03:34] So I so now I'm paying attention. And when this one popped up, it said PG-13 violence, alcohol and foul language.

[00:03:42] And I went, oh, I remember. And it is.

[00:03:47] It had more of like a teen movie feel to it. And I immediately went, OK, is this different?

[00:03:52] And it is. It was different than I remembered. It was it was not exactly Christmas land.

[00:03:57] It was like Christmas land, but a little more grown up, you know, it was lifetime Christmas land.

[00:04:02] It was lifetime Christmas land. And it was different than I remembered in that way.

[00:04:07] But it was, you know, it was 2011. And, you know, we are we are recording in 2023.

[00:04:12] So it kind of took me back to like those early Christmas land years when they had not figured out like the formula.

[00:04:19] So there were some of those some of the tropes were there and some of those feelings.

[00:04:24] But it was definitely it definitely was filmed in those years where they didn't like I said, they did not have the formula.

[00:04:32] And they were like, OK, let's make a Christmas movie. So.

[00:04:36] So I do still I mean, I did still enjoy it. I did still like it.

[00:04:41] But it's not the movie to watch when you want that feeling.

[00:04:45] Yeah, it's not it's not a hallmark.

[00:04:49] It's not a hallmark movie. It's not Christmas land.

[00:04:53] It's holiday land. It's like it's like the county next to Christmas County.

[00:04:58] Right, right.

[00:05:00] Right.

[00:05:01] I still still, though, I I had fun watching it.

[00:05:05] You texted me last night. You were like, oh, my gosh, Kara, I'm rewatching this through your eyes.

[00:05:09] I mean, there's there are there are some significant things in here that, of course, are very

[00:05:18] like relevant to where I live and my life right now.

[00:05:21] But let's get started, because tell people first tell me introduce the movie.

[00:05:26] Tell people about the movie.

[00:05:28] One of the interesting things about this movie is that it's directed by Jason Priestley from 90210.

[00:05:34] Yes. And we do love our Jason Priestley Christmasland movies.

[00:05:37] He has.

[00:05:38] We love I love me some Jason Priestley.

[00:05:40] I'm always a Jason Priestley fan.

[00:05:42] Yeah, absolutely.

[00:05:43] Plus, it has it has several favorites.

[00:05:46] So it is starring Amy Acker, who is an actress I love.

[00:05:49] She will always be Fred from the Buffy universe to me.

[00:05:53] It has.

[00:05:54] I didn't watch Buffy.

[00:05:55] I wasn't a Buffy fan.

[00:05:57] I've never watched it.

[00:05:58] I've actually been thinking of now that there's a strike and they're not making anything new.

[00:06:01] I've been thinking about going.

[00:06:03] It's so iconic.

[00:06:04] But I love her.

[00:06:05] She pops up in.

[00:06:06] She's what she's a that girl.

[00:06:08] Right.

[00:06:08] Like she's just kind of an everything.

[00:06:10] She pops up in TV movies, in studio movies.

[00:06:14] And she's always she's looked the same for 25 years, which I don't know how she's doing.

[00:06:21] It's a beautiful woman.

[00:06:22] Yeah, she was.

[00:06:23] Yeah, she's like some kind of vampire.

[00:06:24] She's gorgeous.

[00:06:25] I really enjoy her.

[00:06:27] So it's happy to see her.

[00:06:29] Yeah.

[00:06:30] And the male love interest is David Hayden Jones, who is also a Christmasland favorite.

[00:06:35] He's been in a lot of Christmasland movies.

[00:06:37] Okay.

[00:06:38] Am I am I crazy?

[00:06:41] But he reminds me of Luke McFarlane.

[00:06:45] Yeah, I can see it.

[00:06:46] I see it.

[00:06:47] It's the Canada mouth.

[00:06:49] He does.

[00:06:50] Yeah.

[00:06:50] Very Canadian.

[00:06:51] Something about the way Canadian men hold their mouths.

[00:06:53] That's very Canadian.

[00:06:55] And then he also has all of Luke's features.

[00:06:59] He's just sort of.

[00:07:00] Yeah, I can see it.

[00:07:01] I see it.

[00:07:02] And Scruffy and I like him.

[00:07:03] Yeah.

[00:07:06] So we open.

[00:07:07] We quickly establish that the protagonist, who is Crystal Carruthers.

[00:07:12] And she is like.

[00:07:14] Hang on.

[00:07:14] Hang on.

[00:07:15] I have to say.

[00:07:15] Right.

[00:07:16] This is right from the start.

[00:07:17] Go for it.

[00:07:17] I'm like, okay, this is a Canadian movie.

[00:07:20] I did look up some of the info on it.

[00:07:22] And it is like, it is a Canadian movie.

[00:07:24] Like it was made for Canadian audiences.

[00:07:26] And then obviously Lifetime picked it up.

[00:07:29] So I'm not going to make too much fun of that.

[00:07:31] But the fact that the main character, the two main women in the show are Crystal and Jillian.

[00:07:40] Never have there ever been two more Canadian names.

[00:07:43] Those are such Canadian names.

[00:07:45] Every girl from, if you were born between the years 1970 and 1980 in Canada, it was a good chance you were a Jillian or a Crystal.

[00:07:56] So I have four Crystals in my high school class at Crystal McKay, Crystal MacArthur, Crystal McHanger and Crystal Sudsbury.

[00:08:02] And three of them are still my best friends.

[00:08:04] Oh, my gosh.

[00:08:05] Okay.

[00:08:05] What about the guy named Derek?

[00:08:06] Were there a lot of Derricks?

[00:08:08] Yes.

[00:08:08] I had so many Derricks.

[00:08:12] Derek, Jason, Crystal and Jillian.

[00:08:15] I love it.

[00:08:16] I love it.

[00:08:17] Anyway, that tickled me.

[00:08:19] All right.

[00:08:20] So Crystal.

[00:08:21] Okay.

[00:08:21] So the first thing happens, she's walking down the street and she pulls up her iPhone and she's got like a little notes app open.

[00:08:29] And it's like Christmas list.

[00:08:31] And it's just a list of designer names.

[00:08:33] It's like Christmas list.

[00:08:34] Louis Vuitton.

[00:08:35] Like, yes, I would like one Louis Vuitton for Christmas, please.

[00:08:37] Just I would like one Chanel.

[00:08:39] I love it.

[00:08:40] That's going to be my Christmas list this year, Kira.

[00:08:41] So get on it.

[00:08:43] Oh, okay.

[00:08:43] That's actually the list I gave Mark, too.

[00:08:45] Oh, good.

[00:08:46] We're all set.

[00:08:47] Maybe I should send my list straight to Mark then.

[00:08:49] Cut out the middle.

[00:08:49] You might as well because the only chance you'll get of having a gift from this house is if Mark sends it.

[00:08:56] I think we both have an equal chance of getting what we want from Mark if we send him a list that just says Chanel.

[00:09:02] So I might as well.

[00:09:04] You might as well.

[00:09:05] That's what I do.

[00:09:06] I don't even let him guess anymore.

[00:09:08] Ladies, just a piece of advice before we move forward really quickly.

[00:09:12] I think this is actually relevant, Amelia, for this podcast.

[00:09:16] Okay.

[00:09:17] Because Christmas season, giving season is coming up.

[00:09:19] Yeah, true.

[00:09:20] A lot of women are like, my guy doesn't buy me the things I want and I'm so disappointed.

[00:09:23] It's like he doesn't know me.

[00:09:24] No, he doesn't know you.

[00:09:26] He doesn't understand you.

[00:09:27] Men don't understand women.

[00:09:29] So don't set yourself up for disappointment.

[00:09:33] It's not that he doesn't love you and doesn't appreciate all the little things, but he doesn't want to get you something that you're not going to like.

[00:09:41] There's a lot of pressure.

[00:09:42] Just give him the list.

[00:09:44] Make it simple for him.

[00:09:45] Send him a link.

[00:09:46] Yeah.

[00:09:47] Just give him the list.

[00:09:48] Forget about the romance part of it.

[00:09:50] The romance is that he's like showing up.

[00:09:53] So are you saying that if I send Mark a link to something specific that I want at Chanel, he'll get it for me?

[00:09:59] I'm saying that if he has any intentions of getting you a gift, it will be a gift that you have specifically requesting.

[00:10:07] But good luck.

[00:10:08] Good luck.

[00:10:10] Coming through Kira.

[00:10:13] All right.

[00:10:13] So she's walking down the street with her list and she sees this red dress in the window and she's ogling it and drooling over it.

[00:10:22] And meanwhile, there's this postman, you know, emptying the mailbox behind her.

[00:10:25] And this Dear Santa letter comes out of the mailbox.

[00:10:28] There's a gust of wind and it blows it onto the window in front of her.

[00:10:32] And we all know how I feel about art that like it's supposed to be the kid drew it, but it clearly was an adult.

[00:10:37] Well, it's one of those.

[00:10:38] It's like Dear Santa to the North Pole.

[00:10:41] And obviously an adult wrote it in a childish handwriting.

[00:10:43] It bugs me.

[00:10:44] So it, you know, just gets plastered to the window in front of her by the wind and she grabs it.

[00:10:49] But she's distracted by the dress.

[00:10:50] So she just shoves it in her purse.

[00:10:52] The sales lady comes outside and goes, it's the last one left and it's in your size.

[00:10:56] So maybe the sales lady knows her because she shops her all the time.

[00:11:00] Let's say that because either that or she just looked at her and automatically knows what size she is.

[00:11:04] I don't know.

[00:11:05] Could be.

[00:11:11] After a little while, I'll buy it.

[00:11:12] Okay.

[00:11:12] We'll accept it.

[00:11:14] So later she's having a video call with her mom who is on some, it's definitely not a green screen.

[00:11:20] First of all, she's definitely on an Island and it is not a green screen.

[00:11:24] It's not a green screen.

[00:11:25] And she is not, she is not Skyping because this isn't probably isn't even FaceTiming in 2011.

[00:11:31] Oh no, it's Skyping.

[00:11:32] She is not Skyping from the beach.

[00:11:37] No, no.

[00:11:38] I mean, have you ever been on a beach vacation?

[00:11:42] You brought your laptop out to the, to the beach to Skype?

[00:11:47] To Skype.

[00:11:48] Just to tell my daughter that, listen, she's 30.

[00:11:51] It's time to cut off her allowance.

[00:11:54] So she's like, listen, you're 30.

[00:11:58] We're tired of supporting you.

[00:11:59] She lives in this beautiful Manhattan apartment.

[00:12:01] She's like, you either have to get a job or a man to support you.

[00:12:05] But starting after Christmas, it's time for you to get your own life.

[00:12:10] We're cutting you off.

[00:12:10] But I love that that was the binary choice that her mom gave her.

[00:12:14] It's like, you get a job or get a man.

[00:12:18] And then Crystal's like, well, obviously I'm going to get a man.

[00:12:22] I'm not going to get a job.

[00:12:23] Well, she's like, I don't know what to do because like she says to her friend, she's like,

[00:12:28] I've been trying to get a man for 30 years.

[00:12:29] And I was like, you were trying to get a man when you were like born.

[00:12:32] That's, that seems, that's a lot.

[00:12:35] Well, it does all the prep work.

[00:12:37] Okay.

[00:12:37] That's fine.

[00:12:38] So she's like, I guess, she's like, I guess I have until Christmas to find a man or something.

[00:12:42] I don't know.

[00:12:44] And so then she goes, so then she's, so she comes across the letter again.

[00:12:48] She's looking through her purse, sees the letter again.

[00:12:50] And again, with the aggressive Canadian-ness, even the child, the child, she goes,

[00:12:53] I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write last year.

[00:12:58] But Amelia, they're in New York.

[00:13:00] They're in New York City.

[00:13:02] I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write last year.

[00:13:05] So the gist of the letter is the mom has died because again, this is old school Christmas land.

[00:13:11] This was one of the tropes.

[00:13:12] They can't be divorced.

[00:13:14] The mom has passed away.

[00:13:15] So this is the second Christmas without mom.

[00:13:17] And she's like, I need a new wife for my dad.

[00:13:21] She needs to be nice.

[00:13:22] She needs to be pretty.

[00:13:24] And she needs to make her dad smile again.

[00:13:26] Love, Olivia.

[00:13:30] So Crystal starts telling her rich friend who, did she have a name?

[00:13:34] I don't remember.

[00:13:35] I'm like, no.

[00:13:36] I don't think she did.

[00:13:37] She's like rich friend.

[00:13:39] Yeah, Bobo Kim Kardashian.

[00:13:41] Bobo Kim Kardashian.

[00:13:42] I will say this.

[00:13:43] It was at this point in the movie, Amelia, that I noticed that there's not a single blonde person in this movie.

[00:13:51] Interesting.

[00:13:52] Everybody was a brunette.

[00:13:53] The only blonde person was the dead wife because they showed like a brief second of her in a picture.

[00:13:59] I was like, is this some kind of Jason Priestley, like Freudian kind of like, I wonder if his wife is a brunette.

[00:14:07] But there weren't any blonde people in this movie.

[00:14:09] Love it.

[00:14:10] That's hilarious.

[00:14:11] So I also noticed that even though there's no black best friend, the rich best friend 100% had black best friend energy.

[00:14:20] She, I don't know what it was.

[00:14:22] But the friend is like, okay, so she's telling the rich best friend that she's like, she's like, I am going to be the wish.

[00:14:30] And the friend is like, what if she's a hillbilly?

[00:14:33] What if they live in the suburbs?

[00:14:34] She's just like, she's like trying to be the voice of reason.

[00:14:37] She's like, you can't just like follow this family around.

[00:14:40] That's weird.

[00:14:41] What, what are you talking about?

[00:14:43] The friend was the only person making sense.

[00:14:46] I was like, this is how we know this is a lifetime movie.

[00:14:49] Because there's somebody who's actually like, you could be murdered.

[00:14:52] Like there is an episode of our show called The Surprise is Murder.

[00:14:57] And it's all about how the innocent Hallmark girls, you know, always go off with these people.

[00:15:02] But in real life, it's like, hey, you should not be walking alone in the strange woods with an older gentleman you literally just met on the path, you know?

[00:15:11] Right.

[00:15:11] And that's why I think that was black best friend energy.

[00:15:13] Because she's like, you don't know these people.

[00:15:16] But there were no, there were no, there were no minorities in this movie, except one, we'll get to that one.

[00:15:23] But we, there were no minorities in this movie.

[00:15:26] No, not even blonde people.

[00:15:28] I saw one, I played, it was fun to play spot the black person because we're so much more diverse these days.

[00:15:36] Yeah.

[00:15:37] A doorman.

[00:15:41] So, all right.

[00:15:42] So, the next scene, she is straight up stalking this family in her Range Rover.

[00:15:47] She's out in the suburbs.

[00:15:49] And of course, they've got this perfect, beautiful house.

[00:15:52] He's got an adorable kid.

[00:15:53] There's music playing.

[00:15:55] He's in his little pickup truck.

[00:15:57] He's, you know, got a snow plow on the front.

[00:15:59] And then she like follows them.

[00:16:01] The dad and the daughter are having breakfast in a diner.

[00:16:05] They're adorable.

[00:16:07] She drops her.

[00:16:07] The little girl drops her.

[00:16:08] Conveniently, they're having breakfast in front of the window.

[00:16:11] Out of the window.

[00:16:13] Yeah.

[00:16:13] So, she can like watch them, you know, playful banter at their breakfast.

[00:16:18] Which isn't weird.

[00:16:18] It's not weird.

[00:16:19] She's like leaning down in her Range Rover so she can watch them.

[00:16:23] The little girl drops her mitten and she like goes and the crystal goes and like drops it on the front porch.

[00:16:29] And then like watches him come out and, you know, he finds it.

[00:16:32] And she is, she is full on stalking these weirdos.

[00:16:36] And I thought to myself, I wrote down gas was a lot cheaper in 2011.

[00:16:41] Like I realized that she's rich, but she's driving around in this Range Rover.

[00:16:45] I realized that she has no job and she's got all the time in the world and all the money.

[00:16:48] But gas was cheaper because she, she could just drive around all day in this gas guzzler following these people around.

[00:16:55] I doubt it that she's even worrying about the price of gas.

[00:16:59] I'm going to assume that she makes a special detour to the only full service gas station in New York City daily to get her gas.

[00:17:09] Maybe she's driving over into New Jersey because they only have full service in New Jersey.

[00:17:12] Maybe.

[00:17:13] No, she would not go to New Jersey.

[00:17:15] That's true.

[00:17:15] Yeah.

[00:17:17] All right.

[00:17:17] So then the dad, what's his name?

[00:17:19] Derek.

[00:17:20] He, he leaves the daughter with the babysitter and goes into the back door of this building.

[00:17:26] And I don't think she realizes what it is.

[00:17:28] So she just follows him in and it turns out that it is a soup kitchen.

[00:17:35] So, all right.

[00:17:36] So now we need.

[00:17:38] I want to say before we start.

[00:17:40] Okay.

[00:17:41] I've worked in, I have volunteered in soup kitchen.

[00:17:44] So have I.

[00:17:44] Okay.

[00:17:45] Yes.

[00:17:46] This is definitely a Christmas land soup kitchen in the middle of New York City.

[00:17:52] Where are the naked people?

[00:17:54] Where are the people covered in feces?

[00:17:57] Where are the drug addicts with their needles hanging out of their arms?

[00:18:01] None of those people were there.

[00:18:03] They were very clean.

[00:18:05] Their clothes were all clean.

[00:18:08] There was no mumbling.

[00:18:09] It was, they were all doing very well.

[00:18:11] I'm proud of themselves.

[00:18:12] I'm proud of themselves.

[00:18:13] They're just people who are on hard, not even on hard times.

[00:18:18] Some of them are choosy.

[00:18:19] You know, they're just aren't like us, but they're just people who are a little down on their luck.

[00:18:24] Just need someone to be nice to them.

[00:18:26] Yep.

[00:18:28] All right.

[00:18:29] All right.

[00:18:29] So, so now we meet Pete.

[00:18:37] Who kind of like, and this is like the gay best friend in Christmas Prince.

[00:18:45] This was like offensively over the top gay stereotype.

[00:18:51] Right down to the fact that he was wearing like a bubblegum pink chef uniform, like the full, like the hat and the coat, like the chef uniform, but it was all bright pink.

[00:19:06] Oh my goodness.

[00:19:07] Oh my goodness.

[00:19:07] So she walks into this kitchen and I see him in the periphery, right?

[00:19:12] I see the pink outfit and I'm like, oh, gay BFF.

[00:19:16] Okay.

[00:19:16] This is lifetime.

[00:19:17] So we're going to do that.

[00:19:18] We wouldn't see the, now we might see gay BFF on Hallmark, not seeing him on Great American.

[00:19:24] Right.

[00:19:24] But I was like, this is going to be gay BFF.

[00:19:27] And he gets an intro.

[00:19:31] He gets a intro, honey.

[00:19:33] It is like Jack from Will and Grace.

[00:19:36] He spins around and the camera pans in on him in his Barbie pink chef hat.

[00:19:41] And he's got this huge diamond earring.

[00:19:43] And he's like, well, hello there.

[00:19:45] Don't you look fabulous?

[00:19:48] And she like recognizes the shade of his pink and he is like, recognizes whatever she's wearing.

[00:19:55] And they're like kindred spirits.

[00:19:56] And he is like, he went to culinary school and they're fancy together.

[00:20:00] Oh my, it was, it was a lot.

[00:20:02] He was so gay.

[00:20:04] He was so.

[00:20:06] They wanted you to be extra sure that you understood.

[00:20:09] Oh, honey.

[00:20:11] Oh, girlfriend.

[00:20:11] And isn't Derek delicious?

[00:20:14] Yes.

[00:20:14] He is a tall drink of water.

[00:20:16] I am just so gay.

[00:20:18] I'm going to be your best friend.

[00:20:19] I'm going to dedicate the rest of my life.

[00:20:21] I have no interest.

[00:20:23] Aside from getting you with Derek.

[00:20:25] I'm going to burn in love.

[00:20:26] Get together.

[00:20:27] He couldn't have been more stereotypically gay.

[00:20:31] And I'm not saying that guy doesn't exist because I have lived with a couple of them.

[00:20:35] But for online, that is.

[00:20:41] Yeah.

[00:20:42] We.

[00:20:43] We get for.

[00:20:44] We get for.

[00:20:45] Mainstream, I should say.

[00:20:47] Yeah.

[00:20:47] I'm sorry.

[00:20:48] I just got so distracted thinking about that introduction.

[00:20:50] I was like, they did not just go there.

[00:20:54] They.

[00:20:55] Oh, but they did.

[00:20:56] So he gives us a little more exposition about Derek.

[00:20:59] Derek.

[00:21:00] This.

[00:21:00] The shelter had been his wife's place because Derek has another job as a snowplow man because

[00:21:05] he's manly.

[00:21:07] But this had been his wife's place.

[00:21:09] And when she was dying, he promised that he would keep it going for her forever and ever.

[00:21:13] So she's super awkward with the homeless people.

[00:21:16] She doesn't know what to do.

[00:21:17] She's uncomfortable, but he thinks she's kind of adorable, whatever.

[00:21:21] She ends up, you know, volunteering because she's there and it's awkward.

[00:21:24] So whatever.

[00:21:26] Um, the next day she goes back, she volunteers again.

[00:21:29] She's getting a little more comfortable.

[00:21:31] You know, um, Olivia shows up at the shelter the next day and she's practicing her flute.

[00:21:37] And honestly, she doesn't really like the flute, but her, she doesn't have the heart to tell

[00:21:41] her dad.

[00:21:41] She's not into it.

[00:21:42] What she really likes is ice skating, but I don't know.

[00:21:46] She's hasn't had the heart to tell her dad that that's her real passion.

[00:21:50] All right.

[00:21:50] So now we meet homeless Frank and he refuses to come inside.

[00:21:56] We don't really know what the story is there, but he refuses to come inside.

[00:21:59] So Derek always just brings a little meal out to him and that's their deal.

[00:22:02] Okay.

[00:22:04] Um, Derek asks, what's her name?

[00:22:07] Crystal.

[00:22:08] If she will come tomorrow morning early because they're having a food delivery and he needs

[00:22:13] some help unloading the truck and she oversleeps.

[00:22:16] So she rushes down there.

[00:22:17] She's got a little bit of like face mask, face mask left on her face.

[00:22:21] And it is obviously the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened.

[00:22:23] She can't even imagine.

[00:22:25] So she shows up, she's got a little bit of mask left on her face and there is this other

[00:22:31] broad there.

[00:22:32] Another brunette.

[00:22:34] And they, she totally smooches Derek and Derek's like, well, there's only like this one

[00:22:39] box left, but like, I guess like, thanks for showing up at the very end, whatever you tried.

[00:22:45] And it's like, I don't know who this lady is.

[00:22:48] Oh my gosh.

[00:22:49] I had a little bit of face mask left.

[00:22:52] I don't know what's going on.

[00:22:53] She looked like a total fool, but I will say, um, her jacket game was on point in this movie.

[00:22:59] I loved all that.

[00:22:59] Yeah.

[00:23:01] Also, just like every other, um, food, um, kitchen, soup kitchen that we see in Christmas

[00:23:06] land, they only have like the freshest produce.

[00:23:10] Right.

[00:23:11] No canned food.

[00:23:12] And they have a, a, a, a trained chef in the kitchen who really doesn't have any other

[00:23:19] job or they're paying him.

[00:23:20] Maybe that's maybe he, that is why they're having some problems.

[00:23:24] This is just like, um, Robert Barron and his soup kitchen with all the fresh tea.

[00:23:29] With like one Brutabaga.

[00:23:31] I was thinking about Robert Barron and the soup kitchen and it, then it reminded me of

[00:23:35] the cobweb factory.

[00:23:36] Yes.

[00:23:38] All right.

[00:23:39] So, so, um, Crystal and Pete go to this like coffee truck and they're like, and, um,

[00:23:45] Pete is like, okay, I was not expecting you to be heartbroken about Jillian, who was the

[00:23:49] girlfriend.

[00:23:49] He's like, I thought you just had a little crush.

[00:23:51] I didn't know you actually had intentions toward our Derek.

[00:23:54] So she shows, so, um, so she shows him the letter while they're in line for their coffees

[00:24:00] and he's like, oh my goodness, it is fate.

[00:24:03] So the deal with Jillian is they just dated in college for a little bit and then he dumped

[00:24:08] her to marry Laura.

[00:24:10] And, um, he's like, to marry the blonde.

[00:24:13] Yes.

[00:24:13] To marry the dead blonde.

[00:24:14] He's like, so all you have to do is show Derek what that you have, what it takes to be a mom.

[00:24:21] And then he just like walks away and sticks Crystal with the bill.

[00:24:25] After he ordered the gayest coffee in the gayest way possible.

[00:24:29] Another thing that was like, he's like, goes up, he's all like, let me get extra gay here.

[00:24:35] And then he's like, I'll have a double.

[00:24:38] It was a completely made up drink.

[00:24:40] It was just back in 2011.

[00:24:41] We were still making jokes about coffee orders.

[00:24:45] Exactly.

[00:24:46] And then I love how he's just so casual.

[00:24:48] Like all you have to do is like wreck this guy's relationship and be a mom to this girl

[00:24:54] who's grieving and you'll be fine.

[00:24:56] It makes sense to me, Amelia.

[00:24:58] I don't know why you're so skeptical.

[00:25:00] And she's also like, maybe I need to tell him about, tell him about the letter.

[00:25:04] And he's like, no, it's fate.

[00:25:05] I agree with him.

[00:25:07] He said at one point what he doesn't know won't hurt him.

[00:25:10] And I, I don't think that you should tell somebody that you began your relationship

[00:25:16] with them by stalking them.

[00:25:19] Okay.

[00:25:19] I'll keep that in mind.

[00:25:21] Yes.

[00:25:21] Please make a note, Amelia.

[00:25:24] Okay.

[00:25:25] So, um, all right.

[00:25:27] So then Crystal continues stalking on that note by showing up at the rink because, um,

[00:25:35] you know, the day before Olivia had said that, you know, she skates on Wednesdays with her

[00:25:39] dad.

[00:25:40] And obviously there's only one rink in New York city and only one time that it's open.

[00:25:43] No, she did tell her what, what rink it was.

[00:25:46] I do remember that.

[00:25:48] Um, I didn't know.

[00:25:49] Cause I only know Bryant park in New York city.

[00:25:51] I don't know much about New York city.

[00:25:52] So I, I remembered I was paying attention to this part because it was also a very Canadian

[00:25:57] thing that they are like, I want to take ice skating lessons.

[00:26:01] Now, sometimes that translates to the Christmas movies, but when they all get to the ice, they

[00:26:07] all skate very well.

[00:26:08] Just very nice.

[00:26:09] Although I did notice that when Crystal gets there, because she was like, Oh, I'm a pretty

[00:26:14] good skater.

[00:26:14] And she was telling Olivia, but when they got there and she goes out and skates, they only

[00:26:18] show her from the neck down, her head's cut off and all the shots, unless they're really

[00:26:23] wide shots.

[00:26:25] That was probably one of Jason Priestley's like a figure skating champion pals came in

[00:26:30] for the day.

[00:26:31] So she goes out there and she does all these, you know, she skates and she's, you know,

[00:26:35] whatever she's spinning.

[00:26:36] And, but then she stops and then she just falls over on purpose.

[00:26:41] So they have to rush out there and help her, which, okay, fine.

[00:26:44] So then, so Derek, then his phone rings and he's dealing with important business, snowplow

[00:26:50] business.

[00:26:52] And Crystal and Olivia are kind of hanging out and she's like, I'm going to show you how

[00:26:57] to turn figure skating one-on-one.

[00:27:00] It's called a spin.

[00:27:00] So obviously I was surprised.

[00:27:03] I was like, Jason Priestley, I'm disappointed in you because I know that he knows how to play

[00:27:06] hockey.

[00:27:07] Yeah.

[00:27:07] I don't know, but maybe the coaches do call it a turn.

[00:27:11] They don't though.

[00:27:12] I'm going to excuse it.

[00:27:13] I figure skated growing up.

[00:27:14] Nobody calls it a turn.

[00:27:15] I don't know what they call it on the ice.

[00:27:17] I call it a spin and I feel like I'm not, I don't know anything about figure skating.

[00:27:21] That's what I'm saying though.

[00:27:21] I did.

[00:27:22] I grew up on the ice.

[00:27:24] Nobody calls it a turn.

[00:27:25] Everybody calls it a spin.

[00:27:28] Take it from me.

[00:27:29] Okay.

[00:27:30] The Canadian will take it from you.

[00:27:32] The person who I'm just saying, I did figure skate when I was little.

[00:27:36] I didn't.

[00:27:37] I always wanted to, I was the little girl that always wanted to take figure skating lessons

[00:27:42] and always the bride, never the bridesmaid.

[00:27:45] I just had to settle for nothing.

[00:27:49] I'm just saying that I did figure skate and they are called spins.

[00:27:54] Well, Jason Priestley, this is another X on, this is another strike on the stone.

[00:28:01] No blondes and you called spins turns.

[00:28:04] All right.

[00:28:05] So now she's showing her how to, she's trying to show her how to spin and she basically just

[00:28:11] knocks the kid down on the ice.

[00:28:13] Which I love.

[00:28:14] You know, I love a good kid falling down video.

[00:28:17] I know you do.

[00:28:19] So she's, you know, hanging out with Olivia and the mean girls come over and they do

[00:28:24] this like bit with their chapstick and like pop their lips at her.

[00:28:27] And it's actually pretty funny, even though I hated these little girls.

[00:28:30] I giggled.

[00:28:31] I thought it was actually super cute.

[00:28:33] They're like, oh, they're like making fun of Crystal because they're like, oh, that jacket

[00:28:39] is so 2010.

[00:28:41] And then they do.

[00:28:42] We have to do this, Amelia.

[00:28:44] We have someone, we're in public together.

[00:28:46] They do this little swipe with their chapstick and then top it off with a mwah.

[00:28:50] Yeah.

[00:28:51] It was so good.

[00:28:52] It was pretty funny.

[00:28:53] So then Olivia talks about how they both like this guy, Andrew, but he plays dodgeball with

[00:28:58] Olivia.

[00:28:59] So, I mean, she's got that going for her.

[00:29:01] And that's probably why these girls don't like her.

[00:29:04] So they're all, so Derek comes back and they're all hanging out.

[00:29:07] And then Jillian just stomps onto the ice in her boots, acting like a B word.

[00:29:12] Like an idiot.

[00:29:12] And they all leave.

[00:29:15] No, well, first of all, okay, I'm sorry.

[00:29:18] You do not walk on the ice with your heels.

[00:29:21] It's not even about safety.

[00:29:22] You don't put those divots in the ice.

[00:29:24] People need that ice to be smooth.

[00:29:26] Yeah.

[00:29:27] She's a real B.

[00:29:28] She is a B.

[00:29:31] So Crystal's a little put out.

[00:29:35] And by B, we mean bad Christmaser.

[00:29:39] Bad Christmaser.

[00:29:40] Exactly.

[00:29:41] That's what B stands for.

[00:29:42] So Crystal's hanging out with her best friend again.

[00:29:45] I love this part so much.

[00:29:47] I laughed out loud.

[00:29:48] She goes to her friend.

[00:29:50] Do you ever just want a normal life?

[00:29:53] And her friend goes, is this about that family you're stalking?

[00:29:59] I swear she did.

[00:30:01] She had Bobo Kim Kardashian vibes.

[00:30:04] I laughed so hard.

[00:30:06] I laughed so hard.

[00:30:08] Is this about that family you're stalking?

[00:30:10] And then she's kind of like, Crystal just kind of looks at her and then the scene's over.

[00:30:14] And I was like, that's a scene that they could have totally cut, but it was perfect.

[00:30:18] And I loved it.

[00:30:19] It was great.

[00:30:20] It was.

[00:30:22] I think that's like Jason Priestley sort of snarking it.

[00:30:25] Jason Priestley's got another show.

[00:30:27] Have you seen it?

[00:30:28] It ran here in the States on AMC, but it was like a Canadian staple.

[00:30:34] Not when I was a Canadian.

[00:30:37] I was living here at the time, but he plays a used car salesman and he won multiple Canadian

[00:30:45] awards for this show, but it is a very dark character they played.

[00:30:49] I have not.

[00:30:50] I'm going to have to find that.

[00:30:52] It's really good.

[00:30:53] It's actually really, really good.

[00:30:56] It's like a dramedy.

[00:31:02] These days, it seems like everybody's talking, but no one is actually listening to the things

[00:31:07] they're saying.

[00:31:08] Critical thinking isn't dead, but it's definitely low on oxygen.

[00:31:12] Join me, Kira Davis, on Just Listen to Yourself every week as we reason through issues big

[00:31:18] and small, critique our own ideas, and learn to draw our talking points all the way out

[00:31:23] to their logical conclusions.

[00:31:24] Subscribe to Just Listen to Yourself with Kira Davis and FCB Radio Podcast on Apple, on

[00:31:30] Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[00:31:34] Okay, so back at the soup kitchen the next day.

[00:31:36] Oh, so earlier I should mention that Pete had referred to Jillian as a two-faced hyena,

[00:31:44] and Crystal didn't really get it.

[00:31:46] So the next day they're at the soup kitchen, and Jillian walks in, and she goes, yoo-hoo,

[00:31:50] and then starts giggling like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

[00:31:52] So Crystal's like, okay, I get the hyena reference now.

[00:31:55] And she is, her yoo-hoos and stuff were just irritating.

[00:32:00] So they're about to-

[00:32:01] They do have a good job of setting her up as irritating.

[00:32:02] Yeah.

[00:32:04] So this homeless man starts coughing, and Derek is like, oh, I'm going to, I need a napkin.

[00:32:12] Does anyone have a napkin to give him something to cough into?

[00:32:14] So Jillian hands him a Kleenex from her purse, and he coughs all over her glove.

[00:32:20] And as she leaves, she throws away her glove.

[00:32:23] And we're supposed to think that this is more of her being a bee.

[00:32:26] But to be honest, there are very few people who could cough all over my glove,

[00:32:31] and I would keep them.

[00:32:34] Or at least not watch them.

[00:32:36] Okay, I get that, but what if your glove was like, this felt very white,

[00:32:41] privilege-y to me.

[00:32:41] Like, what if your glove costs $100?

[00:32:44] I get it that you don't want to put it back $100.

[00:32:45] Well, first of all, my gloves just don't.

[00:32:47] You just fold it up and take them to the cleaners.

[00:32:51] So maybe it's because I buy gloves that are like $1.

[00:32:55] That's because we shop at Walmart.

[00:32:57] Yeah.

[00:32:57] And to be fair, even at that, I'd probably just wash it.

[00:33:00] I'd probably just shove it in.

[00:33:01] I would fold it inside out and wash it.

[00:33:05] Yes.

[00:33:06] So she is being a real bee.

[00:33:07] Okay, so she is being a bee.

[00:33:09] Just dropping it.

[00:33:10] And by the way, dropping it like right outside.

[00:33:14] Right outside.

[00:33:14] I just need to wait to show her disgust for the people in there.

[00:33:18] Okay, I accept that.

[00:33:20] Because I was thinking, I was like, even if it was like my bestie or somebody,

[00:33:24] I would be like, I don't really want this phlegm-covered glove.

[00:33:28] But you're right.

[00:33:29] Because even though my gloves are like, I buy them for like $1 at the checkout,

[00:33:32] I would probably still just wash it.

[00:33:34] All right.

[00:33:35] All right.

[00:33:35] Fine.

[00:33:35] I've changed my mind.

[00:33:36] Okay, good.

[00:33:38] So and then Crystal is kind of walking out at the same time.

[00:33:41] And Derek's still inside doing whatever he's doing.

[00:33:44] And Jillian is like, is that a real Stella M handbag or something?

[00:33:49] And she's like, actually, it's Burberry.

[00:33:53] And obviously, it's Burberry because it's like got the check pattern.

[00:33:57] I don't know why she thought it was going to be a Stella McCartney.

[00:33:58] And then she's like, and then so Jillian's like, I'm actually no, mine's Burberry.

[00:34:04] And then Crystal goes, I don't think Burberry uses vinyl.

[00:34:08] I loved that.

[00:34:10] I was like, snap.

[00:34:12] So I did like, and that was one of the things about this movie is that the girl does fight

[00:34:16] back.

[00:34:17] You know, and in Christmas Land, when the girlfriend, you know, when the like competition

[00:34:23] kind of girl is mean, the Hallmark, the Christmas Land girl just kind of takes it.

[00:34:28] Like she doesn't really fight back.

[00:34:30] Because it's not ladylike.

[00:34:32] Yeah, the like competition, you know, mean girl is allowed to be mean.

[00:34:37] Yeah.

[00:34:38] And the Christmas Land heroine is not mean back.

[00:34:43] But Crystal fights back.

[00:34:45] I liked it.

[00:34:46] I liked that little catty remark.

[00:34:48] And there were a couple of other moments in the movie too, where she was like super catty.

[00:34:52] And I was like, yeah, oh, I'm here for this.

[00:34:54] And my wife's like tickled.

[00:34:56] Burberry, it's so dated, right?

[00:34:57] I don't know that we're carrying on about Burberry these days like we did then.

[00:35:04] Also, yeah, you're right.

[00:35:05] That bag was clearly Burberry and clearly fake, like clearly vinyl.

[00:35:10] So I loved that little barb.

[00:35:12] Jillian is such a bee.

[00:35:14] She's awful.

[00:35:17] So Derek and Jillian leave, do their thing.

[00:35:24] And then Frank, who refuses to go inside, is hanging around again.

[00:35:29] And he seems cold, but he won't go inside.

[00:35:31] So Crystal gives him her scarf.

[00:35:34] And then she is inspired.

[00:35:36] So she goes home and like cleans out her whole house and gets all of her extra stuff, including like her spices.

[00:35:44] Her spices.

[00:35:46] She's like going through a closet.

[00:35:49] Okay, sweater, scarves, got it.

[00:35:50] It's winter.

[00:35:51] People need warmth.

[00:35:52] And then she goes to the kitchen.

[00:35:53] I'm like, great.

[00:35:54] She's putting a food package together.

[00:35:56] Fabulous.

[00:35:56] And she goes to the spice cabinet.

[00:36:02] So anyways, the homeless people got a lot of spices.

[00:36:05] Yeah.

[00:36:05] So she goes back to the food, the soup kitchen the next day.

[00:36:08] And she's like, here, Pete, I got you some spices.

[00:36:10] You know, and he's like, thanks.

[00:36:11] Like he's excited.

[00:36:12] But I think he would have been like, yeah, he's like we're human, you know.

[00:36:18] And I was kind of thinking, obviously, everything she owns is expensive.

[00:36:23] I'm like, I'm pretty sure that this place would have been better off if you had sold your items and donated the money.

[00:36:29] And you know, I saw the label on the spices and it was Walmart brand.

[00:36:34] It was it was great.

[00:36:35] I was more referring to her.

[00:36:36] I was more referring to her clothing items because she went around and like gave everybody her scarves and her sweaters and stuff.

[00:36:42] And I was thinking like for every cashmere scarf, she could have sold it and bought 10 Walmart scarves and kept all these people.

[00:36:52] You're 100% correct.

[00:36:52] Kept a lot more people warm.

[00:36:54] Yeah.

[00:36:54] You're 100% correct.

[00:36:56] I've heard that many times during the film.

[00:36:57] Like, why doesn't she just sell some of her stuff?

[00:37:00] Right.

[00:37:02] So speaking of their need for money, Derek opens his mail at the soup kitchen and just huge red letters across the paper.

[00:37:13] It just says notice of eviction.

[00:37:16] So soup kitchen.

[00:37:18] So clearly they're getting evicted.

[00:37:19] Let me guess.

[00:37:21] They're getting evicted if they don't pay by Christmas.

[00:37:25] By Christmas.

[00:37:26] I think it might even be Christmas Eve.

[00:37:28] I don't know.

[00:37:28] Anyway, there's a Christmas that one.

[00:37:29] Naturally, because this New York City landlord, despite all of the protection laws for renters.

[00:37:36] Right.

[00:37:37] Can do that.

[00:37:38] Just boot you out of a place with one week notice.

[00:37:41] Right.

[00:37:41] And also, I just and I I do not know.

[00:37:44] But it seems like these are the kind of things that would happen like at the end of a month to me.

[00:37:48] I don't know.

[00:37:49] Not like 24th.

[00:37:51] Literally right before the holiday.

[00:37:53] Yeah.

[00:37:53] Anyways, who cares?

[00:37:55] It was at that point.

[00:37:56] I'm like, OK, I understand.

[00:37:58] I'm in Christmas land or I'm in Christmas land's jankier neighbor holiday land.

[00:38:03] And I believe so.

[00:38:05] OK, fair enough.

[00:38:06] The deadline.

[00:38:07] The eviction process can be as short as a week.

[00:38:10] I accept it.

[00:38:12] Exactly.

[00:38:13] So Olivia comes flying in.

[00:38:17] She can spin now.

[00:38:19] She is so excited.

[00:38:20] She has learned to spin.

[00:38:21] So Crystal's like, well.

[00:38:23] I think you mean she's learned to turn.

[00:38:26] Actually, I think she said spin now because I was excited because she said spin.

[00:38:30] She said it right.

[00:38:31] Of course you noticed.

[00:38:32] So she died.

[00:38:33] I didn't notice.

[00:38:34] So Crystal's like, well, obviously now what you need is a skating skirt so that when you spin, it flies out.

[00:38:39] And then it is true.

[00:38:40] It's a big deal.

[00:38:42] And Derek's like, well, we can't go tonight because I need to work.

[00:38:46] I need to plow some driveways.

[00:38:48] So let me call.

[00:38:48] I think her name's Jessica or something, the babysitter.

[00:38:53] And Olivia's like, well, why can't Crystal babysit for me?

[00:38:57] And Crystal kind of starts to panic.

[00:38:59] And I thought this was hilarious.

[00:39:00] Pete just like nips at her with his tongs.

[00:39:03] I thought that was so cute.

[00:39:05] And she's like, what?

[00:39:06] He's like, volunteer.

[00:39:07] I thought that was really cute.

[00:39:09] What are you saying no for?

[00:39:11] I also realized there are several times in this movie where he asks Crystal or Crystal helps out.

[00:39:16] And I'm thinking, like, you hardly know this woman.

[00:39:23] And also the other thing is that she is available all the time.

[00:39:27] So she's young.

[00:39:28] She's gorgeous.

[00:39:29] She's rich.

[00:39:29] And she lives in New York City.

[00:39:30] And she never has anything to do.

[00:39:32] I just feel like Derek should be, you know, there should be a lot of red flags around this woman.

[00:39:37] He should have some questions.

[00:39:38] Yeah.

[00:39:39] Yeah.

[00:39:39] So and she makes this comment to Pete.

[00:39:41] She's like, I've never babysat before.

[00:39:44] And he's like, I thought all of us preteen girls did.

[00:39:47] I laughed.

[00:39:49] Okay, you got me, gay Pete.

[00:39:51] You got me, Pete.

[00:39:52] All the preteen girls.

[00:39:53] And she's like, well, I didn't.

[00:39:55] So and of course, they do this whole like bit about how she's like useless.

[00:39:59] She tries to like open a can of soup with her hands.

[00:40:02] Just like pull the top off.

[00:40:03] You know how to use a can opener.

[00:40:06] Um, your favorite thing.

[00:40:08] A woman.

[00:40:09] It reminded me of, um, the Lindsay Lohan movie that we did where she was like the pancakes in the kitchen.

[00:40:17] And she couldn't even like understand what the pan did or something.

[00:40:49] Yeah.

[00:40:51] And she tells Crystal that, um, she and her mom used to have Christmas date night where they would go to Rose Lawn Park and have a cocoa and they would make a wish on this Christmas tree.

[00:41:02] Um, and she said, but you know, this year I don't think I need, she said, but this year I wrote a letter to Santa and I think maybe my wish is going to come true.

[00:41:10] Um, she said, what about you and your mom?

[00:41:12] And Crystal says that, um, her mom was always busy, but she had really nice nannies.

[00:41:17] So it's kind of, and Olivia's kind of like, well, that's a bummer.

[00:41:21] Um, yeah, yeah.

[00:41:22] You, the obligatory rich, distant parent.

[00:41:25] Yeah.

[00:41:25] That's definitely a trope.

[00:41:27] Yeah.

[00:41:27] That they picked up.

[00:41:29] Um, all right.

[00:41:30] So then the phone rings and it's like very 2011.

[00:41:34] Cause she like looks at the caller ID on the landline.

[00:41:36] Yeah.

[00:41:37] It was cute.

[00:41:38] And, and she's like, it's Jillian.

[00:41:40] I have an idea.

[00:41:41] Olivia does.

[00:41:42] She's like, I have an idea.

[00:41:43] So she answers and she's like, oh, hi, Jillian.

[00:41:46] She's like, no, my dad's not home.

[00:41:48] I think he's on a date with Crystal.

[00:41:52] Little troll child.

[00:41:54] Yeah.

[00:41:54] Yeah.

[00:41:55] Cute though, because Jillian's a B.

[00:41:58] So she is a B.

[00:41:59] And now we know, um, whose team Olivia is on.

[00:42:02] So naturally, obviously.

[00:42:05] So, um, it's kind of cute.

[00:42:06] Derek comes home and Crystal and Olivia are watching, I think it's a Christmas Carol.

[00:42:11] And they're just like snuggled up sleeping on the couch.

[00:42:17] Um, and, um, so he's like, listen, it's super late.

[00:42:22] Um, why don't you just crash here tonight in the guest room or on a couch, whatever it

[00:42:27] is.

[00:42:27] The couch.

[00:42:27] Because no one ever has, everyone has a guest house in Christmas land, but no one ever seems

[00:42:32] to have a guest room.

[00:42:33] Like you don't stay in it.

[00:42:35] There's a few times when there's a guest room, but only if they own a bed and breakfast

[00:42:39] or something, it's like, I owe it.

[00:42:41] This is a trope in Hollywood period.

[00:42:44] Like in films period, this idea of like, Oh, the husband and wife live in this huge house

[00:42:49] in the suburbs.

[00:42:50] He gets in a fight with the wife and has to sleep on the couch.

[00:42:53] Right.

[00:42:54] Don't tell me you don't have five bedrooms in that house.

[00:42:56] Right.

[00:42:57] Well, and also, you know, when I, if I, when I sleep at a friend's house, I feel like they'll

[00:43:01] frequently, if they don't have a guest room, they'll like either have the kids share a room

[00:43:07] and give me one of the kids rooms or when the kids will sleep on the couch.

[00:43:10] They don't like stick me on the couch and the kid gets their room, but that's what happened

[00:43:15] here.

[00:43:15] I have always put the adult in the kid's room and made the kids uncomfortable.

[00:43:19] Right.

[00:43:19] But anyway, Olivia slept in her room and she slept on the couch, but before they go to bed,

[00:43:23] um, he's telling her like that he's dating Jillian.

[00:43:26] He's like, I, I really, he's like, Jillian, um, Olivia needs a mom.

[00:43:30] He's like, but it's not, he's not, it's not really about me.

[00:43:32] So it's kind of like, he's kind of like, I'm just going to marry somebody to give this

[00:43:35] kid a mom.

[00:43:36] And I'm like, that's not really super healthy for the kid to just like, I'm just going

[00:43:41] to marry somebody.

[00:43:42] I know.

[00:43:43] It's like so resigned.

[00:43:45] And also it's like, all right, you're going to marry somebody.

[00:43:48] Also like she hasn't, why does this somebody have to be Jillian?

[00:43:51] Like she's the worst.

[00:43:53] You guys have no conversation.

[00:43:54] You're a hot single dad widow with a good job, your own home.

[00:44:01] And you run a frigging soup kitchen, throw a rock dude and hit some lady who's nice.

[00:44:07] I know.

[00:44:08] I don't get it.

[00:44:09] And she's not, she, the wife hasn't been gone that long.

[00:44:13] It's not like the daughter is like suffering over here because you've been single forever.

[00:44:18] And there's like, you're like this revolving door of women and she's confused.

[00:44:22] I've got to just pick somebody.

[00:44:24] I don't know what's going on.

[00:44:26] That was the weirdest argument I've ever heard for why you need to marry Jillian.

[00:44:29] But yeah, it was not like, but I guess it's not like I'm in love with her and Olivia adores

[00:44:35] her.

[00:44:36] So this seems like, you know, it was very strange.

[00:44:40] It's not about me.

[00:44:40] Okay.

[00:44:42] Okay.

[00:44:44] So she spends the night and in the morning she wakes up and they're just like decorating

[00:44:49] the tree in the room where she's sleeping.

[00:44:53] Okay.

[00:44:56] So they're talking about why artificial trees are terrible and they're right.

[00:45:01] They are terrible.

[00:45:02] Um, and Jillian walks in horrified because she was going to come over and make brunch

[00:45:08] this morning and basically walking in on this like adorable domestic scene that doesn't involve

[00:45:12] her.

[00:45:13] And were she anyone but Jillian, the bee, I would be on her side because I would be mad

[00:45:18] if I were the girlfriend in that situation too, but she is a bee.

[00:45:21] So whatever, be mad.

[00:45:24] Yeah.

[00:45:25] I mean, it is, you're right.

[00:45:27] It was both.

[00:45:28] It's like, I would be too.

[00:45:30] Why is this young, attractive woman at your house?

[00:45:33] And there doesn't seem to be, even though he's flirting with the idea of marrying her

[00:45:39] and she clearly wants to marry him.

[00:45:41] They, there doesn't seem to be a sense of like real permanency to their relationship.

[00:45:46] They still do seem like they're in the beginning stages of dating.

[00:45:50] So I did get the impression that maybe Jillian was like, okay, I don't like her being here,

[00:45:56] but we're not serious enough for me to like make demands, um, loudly at least.

[00:46:04] Right.

[00:46:04] But then we have the great bake-off.

[00:46:07] We do.

[00:46:08] So, okay.

[00:46:10] So Jillian, this scene was hilarious.

[00:46:12] So Jillian goes into the kitchen and is really trying in not even.

[00:46:18] So first she's just trying to put Crystal down.

[00:46:21] So she walks into the kitchen, sees where she had tried to make soup, but like then forgot

[00:46:25] about it and burned the pan.

[00:46:26] And she goes, oh my Lord, what happened here?

[00:46:29] So first of all, there is no, oh my Lord kind of talk going on in Great American Family.

[00:46:33] No.

[00:46:34] There was no taking the Lord's name in vain.

[00:46:37] There were several taking the Lord's name in vain.

[00:46:39] It was so jarring.

[00:46:41] It really was.

[00:46:43] It was.

[00:46:43] It was disconcerting.

[00:46:45] There was a GD in there.

[00:46:47] That's your name.

[00:46:48] Yes.

[00:46:48] I have that later too.

[00:46:49] It was so, it was so jarring.

[00:46:53] I was like, oh no.

[00:46:55] Me too.

[00:46:56] I was like, mm-mm, mm-mm.

[00:46:57] We can have the mean girls.

[00:46:59] We can have Crystal snapping back.

[00:47:00] We are not taking the Lord's name in vain.

[00:47:03] Not on Christmas.

[00:47:04] No.

[00:47:06] No.

[00:47:06] No, I was not here for it, but that is, again, even when someone dropped that GD, I was like,

[00:47:14] this is so Canadian because, and you'll notice this too when you watch British television,

[00:47:20] which I know you watch a lot of, because Amelia is an 83-year-old woman trapped in a young woman's body.

[00:47:28] But there is such a, there's a godlessness to that, like, entertainment sphere.

[00:47:40] They are definitely way further down the post-Christian era road than we are here in America.

[00:47:46] So there are things that you still wouldn't necessarily see on mainstream television in America.

[00:47:53] Openly, like, having a news anchor or something, openly mocking, you know, Christian belief,

[00:47:59] or openly saying something about, oh, God is just made up.

[00:48:02] I was watching a British show the other day, and just the host of the show just said it so casually,

[00:48:06] and everybody just laughed.

[00:48:07] Like, we all accept this idea that there's no God.

[00:48:11] And I don't care what their beliefs are.

[00:48:13] I just think it's interesting that it's very acceptable.

[00:48:17] And here we still, we don't think we do, but we still have some boundaries on how far we'll go to ridicule religion.

[00:48:24] And so you still wouldn't see that in a Christmas movie.

[00:48:27] Yeah, I was like, what?

[00:48:29] Yeah.

[00:48:30] And then, so she's like, I guess she's not much of a cook.

[00:48:33] I wrote down all these little, like, quotes.

[00:48:35] Like, this was, like, rapid fire.

[00:48:37] And then, so she's going to make brunch, and Olivia wants her to stay.

[00:48:41] And she goes, well, I'm sure Crystal has things to do, like shopping.

[00:48:47] Okay.

[00:48:48] Like, I guess that was a bar, but, like, yeah, I did have to go shopping.

[00:48:52] Yeah, I guess she has to go shopping.

[00:48:53] I don't know.

[00:48:54] So speaking of shopping, Crystal, so Olivia has been saying that she kind of needs some new stuff.

[00:49:02] And that's something she used to do with her mom.

[00:49:04] And Crystal had said, well, you know, I would be happy to take you shopping sometime.

[00:49:08] And so Olivia mentions it to her dad in front of Jillian.

[00:49:12] And I love this moment.

[00:49:14] Jillian goes, well, you know, Derek, I don't think that we really know Crystal well enough for her to just take Olivia shopping.

[00:49:23] Which, you just left her alone with your kid last night.

[00:49:28] Like, you know her well enough to babysit, but not well enough to be alone in public with her.

[00:49:33] But whatever.

[00:49:33] So he's like, well, yeah, I guess maybe I don't know Crystal well enough to, like, take my kid shopping.

[00:49:41] So I'll just go with you.

[00:49:42] So now, good job, Jillian.

[00:49:45] Now you've got them going on a family outing together.

[00:49:47] Are you happy now?

[00:49:48] You did it.

[00:49:50] She is not happy about that.

[00:49:51] Just keep your mouth shut, ladies.

[00:49:54] So he, so Derek goes outside to do whatever he's doing.

[00:50:00] And she's like, so Jillian's like, you know, you can help me make breakfast, whatever.

[00:50:05] She's like, you do know how to whip cream, don't you?

[00:50:08] And of course, Crystal doesn't.

[00:50:09] But she's like, yeah.

[00:50:10] So the two of them get into this, like, bake-off where she's, Jillian's scrambling the eggs and Crystal's whipping the cream.

[00:50:20] And they're, like, fighting each other.

[00:50:22] And they end up basically in a food fight in the kitchen.

[00:50:25] And Derek walks in and is like, what is going on here?

[00:50:29] Except he knows exactly what's going on here.

[00:50:31] They're basically fighting over him.

[00:50:34] And he knows exactly what's going on.

[00:50:35] And he is just like, are you adults?

[00:50:39] Like, what is going on here?

[00:50:41] But then they all still have breakfast.

[00:50:43] They all still have breakfast together.

[00:50:44] But before they have breakfast together, Crystal's in the bathroom getting cleaned up because Jillian threw eggs at her.

[00:50:53] Like, raw eggs.

[00:50:54] And she finds the engagement ring.

[00:50:59] Mm-hmm.

[00:51:01] Yeah.

[00:51:01] Very underwhelming engagement ring.

[00:51:03] So we did a Christmas prince and that engagement ring was the gaudiest piece of junk I've ever seen.

[00:51:10] I mean, but he has a snowplow driver.

[00:51:12] I would rather go for the simple ring, honestly.

[00:51:15] Like, I don't think it really matters what size the ring is.

[00:51:20] Is it thoughtful and pretty?

[00:51:22] Yeah.

[00:51:23] That's all you need.

[00:51:25] And Jillian, maintaining her status as the biggest bee in the world, is like, listen.

[00:51:31] We were together in college and Jillian, or she's like, St. Jillian stole him from me.

[00:51:36] And he is not going to get stolen again.

[00:51:38] Oh, St. Laura.

[00:51:39] The wife.

[00:51:40] Oh, St. Laura, yeah.

[00:51:40] St. Laura stole him.

[00:51:41] Well, I am not, he's not going to get stolen again.

[00:51:45] And Crystal's like, okay, that's creepy.

[00:51:48] There's a lot of creepiness going on around this guy.

[00:51:51] Both these women are creepy.

[00:51:53] Yeah.

[00:51:55] It's like, all right.

[00:51:56] So they go out and they're apparently still all going to have breakfast together.

[00:52:01] And Derek and Jillian are like, and Olivia had complained about this the night before.

[00:52:05] They're just like sitting there looking at your books.

[00:52:07] And Jillian's like, remember this time?

[00:52:10] Remember this?

[00:52:10] Remember this?

[00:52:12] It's just like, it's weird.

[00:52:15] So I feel when I go to my husband's work events.

[00:52:19] So Jillian goes, Crystal, where'd you go to college?

[00:52:22] And she's like, oh, NYU.

[00:52:24] And she goes, what year did you graduate?

[00:52:26] She's like, 2003.

[00:52:29] Okay.

[00:52:30] Oh, okay.

[00:52:33] So later, Crystal's like, that was just, she's telling her friend, her rich friend.

[00:52:37] She's like, it was just kind of weird.

[00:52:39] Like Jillian seems like she's trying to catch me doing something.

[00:52:41] I don't know what the deal is.

[00:52:42] I didn't understand why it mattered.

[00:52:45] Who cares?

[00:52:46] Yeah.

[00:52:46] It was, it was just kind of strange.

[00:52:49] All right.

[00:52:50] So now we get our shopping montage.

[00:52:53] The three of them, no Jillian allowed, are going shopping.

[00:52:59] We get, they're shopping for Olivia, getting her some new stuff.

[00:53:02] Huge long shopping montage.

[00:53:03] And they leave with like two bags.

[00:53:05] It was really cute though, because the dad, it was a fancy store.

[00:53:09] And so they kept, the help kept offering him drinks.

[00:53:12] So first they offer him coffee and pastries and he's like, oh, and then they offer him

[00:53:16] like, I don't know, like a soda or juice or something.

[00:53:19] And then, oh, cucumber water.

[00:53:21] And then the next thing is champagne.

[00:53:23] And then he's obviously there.

[00:53:25] It was kind of a gag.

[00:53:26] I thought it was cute.

[00:53:27] He's obviously there for a long time watching girls shop.

[00:53:31] And so there's a series of drinks.

[00:53:34] I thought it was a cute.

[00:53:35] Right.

[00:53:36] But then they leave with like two bags.

[00:53:38] I have noticed the other thing I didn't care for, and maybe this is just, you know,

[00:53:43] being a newer in directing at the time for Jason Priestley.

[00:53:47] I have no idea, but there were a lot of establishing shots.

[00:53:50] We spent a lot of time on shots.

[00:53:53] I, it made me appreciate the tightness of Hallmark movies.

[00:53:56] You don't see people driving from one location to another.

[00:53:59] The only time people are walking is if they're doing a walk and talk.

[00:54:03] You don't have to watch them get out of their car, go into the store, stand around for a minute.

[00:54:09] You start when the action starts.

[00:54:11] And it was the same with that montage.

[00:54:13] It's like, hmm, there was a lot of wasted time in it.

[00:54:17] And then you're right.

[00:54:18] And then afterwards they come out with two bags.

[00:54:19] However, I'm going to assume that it was very expensive.

[00:54:23] Yes.

[00:54:24] Yes.

[00:54:25] You've got a little fur.

[00:54:28] And then I thought it was hilarious.

[00:54:31] I do want to point out here, oh, I'm trying to be better about our time.

[00:54:34] So we're winding down to an hour here.

[00:54:36] So I'm going to try to not interrupt you so much.

[00:54:39] Oh, no, you're good.

[00:54:40] I can try to, I can try to go faster.

[00:54:42] Yeah.

[00:54:44] All right.

[00:54:44] So as they're leaving, I thought it was so funny because he is, and then he's like, so, hey, you know, you volunteer a lot at the soup kitchen.

[00:54:51] What do you do for work?

[00:54:52] And I'm like, you've like left this woman alone with your child and stuff.

[00:54:56] You haven't even had the basic, like, what do you do conversation?

[00:54:59] Wow.

[00:55:00] Okay.

[00:55:02] And all right.

[00:55:02] So then as they're walking, they come to like the little wishing Christmas tree.

[00:55:05] And she's like, I think Santa's been working on my wish.

[00:55:08] So obviously, you know, we know what the wish is because we've seen the letter.

[00:55:14] All right.

[00:55:15] He drops her off at home later.

[00:55:16] So we know she lives in this big, fancy building.

[00:55:19] Olivia's asleep on her shoulder.

[00:55:21] And he's like, hey, Olivia has a skating lesson on Tuesday.

[00:55:24] Do you want to come?

[00:55:25] And she's like, yes.

[00:55:26] And again, no details about what time.

[00:55:29] And also she has nothing to do on Tuesday.

[00:55:33] Nothing to do on Tuesday.

[00:55:34] Okay.

[00:55:35] Olivia wakes up, gives her a hug and says it felt like she had a mom again today.

[00:55:40] Oh, it's very sweet.

[00:55:42] It's clear.

[00:55:43] Like we, you said it.

[00:55:45] Olivia's picked sides.

[00:55:47] Olivia has picked sides.

[00:55:48] I don't know why Derek wouldn't do what's taking Derek so long.

[00:55:51] Right.

[00:55:51] I was going to say, and if Derek was paying any attention and if his only,

[00:55:55] like if the only thing that mattered to him was giving Olivia a mom,

[00:55:59] he would just marry this total stranger.

[00:56:01] Right.

[00:56:02] I don't, and she's at least fun.

[00:56:04] Right.

[00:56:05] Jillian is just a real demi-counter.

[00:56:08] Yeah.

[00:56:08] She has like zero redeeming qualities.

[00:56:10] Yeah.

[00:56:12] All right.

[00:56:12] She goes to the skating lesson.

[00:56:15] Derek and Crystal have like a little bit of a look.

[00:56:17] There's like a vibe.

[00:56:18] There's a moment.

[00:56:20] It's a moment.

[00:56:23] And Crystal, she's starting to like, she's starting to Christmas up a little bit.

[00:56:26] She's thinking about, she's talking to her mom again on Skype.

[00:56:28] She's thinking about getting a real tree this year.

[00:56:30] Her mom, who's definitely not in front of a green screen.

[00:56:33] Her mom, who is definitely on an island and not in front of a green screen.

[00:56:38] And her parents are not going to come home for Christmas this year, but she's not surprised.

[00:56:43] It doesn't seem like a big loss.

[00:56:45] Classic.

[00:56:46] Typical.

[00:56:47] But then Olivia calls.

[00:56:50] DEFCON won.

[00:56:51] Her dad is about to go on a date and he is wearing a suit.

[00:56:56] So he's probably going to propose.

[00:56:58] Probably going to propose.

[00:57:01] So.

[00:57:01] I've never seen a man less excited to propose.

[00:57:06] So he goes, he walks in the restaurant with Jillian, who is honestly just psychotic at this point.

[00:57:13] She goes, where's Olivia?

[00:57:15] Not with Crystal, I hope.

[00:57:17] Just stop.

[00:57:19] You know you're about to get proposed to.

[00:57:21] Just stop.

[00:57:22] You won, lady.

[00:57:24] Jeez.

[00:57:25] So then she's like, I've been asking around about her.

[00:57:27] I talked to my friend who went to NYU and Crystal didn't even graduate.

[00:57:32] Well, first of all, I would assume NYU is big enough that like, why did this person, like, I don't know.

[00:57:38] I'm, I guarantee there are people I went to college with who didn't graduate.

[00:57:41] I don't know.

[00:57:42] There's 90,000 people at NYU.

[00:57:45] This I know because my son applied.

[00:57:47] I mean, it's like a huge student.

[00:57:49] I mean, I don't know.

[00:57:50] And how many of them didn't graduate?

[00:57:52] I don't know.

[00:57:53] And I probably know some people.

[00:57:54] And I do know a couple of kids at my school who also that I know didn't graduate.

[00:57:58] I don't care.

[00:57:59] Right.

[00:58:01] There are two people.

[00:58:02] My husband and I met in college.

[00:58:04] We have two, two people went to college in the, in this house and only one of us graduated.

[00:58:10] Guess which one?

[00:58:11] I don't care.

[00:58:12] It was me and I do a Hallmark podcast and he supports our entire family.

[00:58:19] I don't care.

[00:58:21] I mean, thank you for the information.

[00:58:23] Like this was a problem.

[00:58:26] Yeah.

[00:58:26] Well, and then Derek is like, um, I didn't graduate either.

[00:58:29] Jillian.

[00:58:29] Yeah.

[00:58:30] What's your point?

[00:58:31] Well, she's like, well, you didn't lie about it.

[00:58:33] She lied.

[00:58:34] And he's like, okay.

[00:58:35] Okay.

[00:58:36] So then, so then Derek's phone rings and he answers it.

[00:58:39] And the guy at the next table is like 100% offended.

[00:58:43] It's so 2011.

[00:58:44] Like, Oh, people answering their cell phones in public.

[00:58:48] Which, and like, I do, I, you know, I get it as a fancy restaurant, whatever.

[00:58:52] So Olivia is pretending to be sick.

[00:58:54] Okay.

[00:58:55] So Derek's like, I've never been so excited to have a reason not to propose in my life.

[00:59:00] I'm out of here.

[00:59:01] Just take a hit.

[00:59:04] So he goes home and he's checking on Olivia and Crystal shows up because, because Olivia

[00:59:10] is basically a mastermind.

[00:59:12] And she, he called Chris, she called Crystal too, to give Derek, like the first clue he's

[00:59:17] ever had in his life.

[00:59:18] And it's like, Crystal, tuck me in because I love her and you should marry her instead.

[00:59:22] You freaking idiot, because I like her better.

[00:59:25] Didn't quite say that, but it was in her eyes.

[00:59:27] Yes.

[00:59:29] And also it's just like, so again, I'm just so stuck on this idea that if the wife is the

[00:59:37] thing that you need, you know, if you don't necessarily care about being in love or have,

[00:59:43] all right, I'll go back to my original thing, Amelia, throw a rock and hit a lady who wants

[00:59:48] a hot single dad who loves his daughter and is a widow and needs to be taken care of.

[00:59:53] Like throw a rock.

[00:59:54] Well, there's one at your house right now.

[00:59:56] And she's like way more fun and she's rich.

[00:59:59] Yeah.

[01:00:00] And your daughter.

[01:00:01] Your daughter likes her.

[01:00:03] She uses her.

[01:00:04] Your daughter obviously hates Jillian because we likes Jillian.

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[01:00:39] So Crystal is like, Hey, sorry that your date got screwed up.

[01:00:43] And he's like, and my heart wasn't in it anyway.

[01:00:45] Whatever.

[01:00:45] Whatever.

[01:00:47] You have to, I just can't believe how close this man came to proposing to a woman that

[01:00:53] he just really was kind of mad about the whole time.

[01:00:57] Yeah.

[01:00:57] I don't even think it was mad.

[01:00:59] I think he like actively dislikes her.

[01:01:00] Yeah.

[01:01:01] If, if Olivia hadn't called, like if she hadn't faked sick, was he going to come home with a fiance?

[01:01:09] I guess.

[01:01:11] Whatever lifetime.

[01:01:12] Okay.

[01:01:13] I'm on board.

[01:01:14] Let's just go.

[01:01:15] Yeah.

[01:01:15] Crystal goes on to tell her.

[01:01:17] Yeah.

[01:01:17] Usually I don't like it when kids lie and stuff, but Olivia is the only person holding

[01:01:21] this family together.

[01:01:22] Yeah.

[01:01:23] Agreed.

[01:01:23] So Crystal tells him that she is available to volunteer on Christmas.

[01:01:28] And he's like, Oh, we're going to be closed by then because I owe $10,000 in rent,

[01:01:34] which for a building that size in New York city is probably like two weeks.

[01:01:38] And background.

[01:01:39] Not even.

[01:01:40] That's probably one week.

[01:01:43] $10,000.

[01:01:44] No, that's for a storefront.

[01:01:46] It's probably more like 20 K a week, to be honest.

[01:01:51] So 10,000 is not a lot to be in arrears for any.

[01:01:57] Right.

[01:01:57] You're not going to get foreclosed on even in 2011.

[01:01:59] Yeah.

[01:02:00] Even in 2011.

[01:02:00] And to do it right.

[01:02:04] Again, we've already stipulated.

[01:02:06] This is how it works in holiday land.

[01:02:08] They're a little nastier over there, but to be like, well, you have one week and we'll boot

[01:02:12] out all your homeless people.

[01:02:14] Christmas Eve.

[01:02:18] Like who is running the government in this version of New York city?

[01:02:23] It's like Nancy Pelosi.

[01:02:25] Let them eat cakes.

[01:02:26] Let them eat ice cream.

[01:02:29] Derek realizes that Olivia has a flute lesson tomorrow and she's sick.

[01:02:33] So he better call and cancel.

[01:02:35] He's going to leave a message with the flute instructor.

[01:02:37] And Crystal's like, hey, listen, she hates the flute.

[01:02:42] She just didn't want to tell you.

[01:02:43] But just so you know, you can cut some corners there.

[01:02:47] You can, you know, save on some budget because she actually hates it.

[01:02:50] And he's like, what?

[01:02:52] And then he goes, she needs a mother like you.

[01:02:54] I mean, a woman like you.

[01:02:56] I mean, someone to have girl talk with.

[01:02:58] And I'm like, okay, once again, you realize that the person she's confiding in is Crystal.

[01:03:03] Not Jillian.

[01:03:05] And Derek isn't very smart.

[01:03:08] So then he says to her, hey, why did you lie about graduating?

[01:03:11] And I was thinking, why did you check?

[01:03:15] That would be my response.

[01:03:17] No, he didn't check.

[01:03:19] No, but that would be my response.

[01:03:22] The girlfriend, Jillian.

[01:03:24] Right.

[01:03:24] But she doesn't know that when Crystal, when he said, he says to Crystal, why did you lie about graduating?

[01:03:30] Crystal doesn't know.

[01:03:31] He doesn't, he doesn't say Jillian checked, blah, blah, blah.

[01:03:34] He just says, why did you lie?

[01:03:35] Oh, oh, I get it.

[01:03:36] Yeah.

[01:03:36] She didn't ask him at all.

[01:03:38] She's like, yeah, she wasn't.

[01:03:40] Crystal's like, well, I was just embarrassed and on the spot, blah, blah, blah.

[01:03:43] But what I would be thinking was, why did you check, you weirdo?

[01:03:47] That was my first question too.

[01:03:48] Yeah, I get it.

[01:03:49] You're right.

[01:03:50] That would be my first question.

[01:03:51] So then he goes, do you have any more secrets I should know about?

[01:03:53] And she goes, probably.

[01:03:57] That's for part two, which will be on Netflix.

[01:03:59] And he's like, okay, fair enough.

[01:04:01] Bye.

[01:04:03] All right.

[01:04:04] Later.

[01:04:06] Next day, I guess.

[01:04:07] Crystal is back at the soup kitchen because she has nothing else to do.

[01:04:10] Nothing else to do.

[01:04:11] Frank is outside.

[01:04:13] And she goes, Frank, have you ever made a decision that you thought would be a good one?

[01:04:19] And it ended up changing your life in ways you never imagined.

[01:04:22] And I'm like, you're asking the homeless guy at soup kitchen if he's ever made a bad decision.

[01:04:30] After he had literally said, I made a choice one time to go inside and my life was never the same.

[01:04:37] So I was like, okay, thanks for the callback.

[01:04:44] And so he says something about like, you could gamble your life away.

[01:04:47] And she's like, you gambled?

[01:04:48] And he goes, every last GD penny.

[01:04:51] And I was like, ooh, Lord, no.

[01:04:53] I don't like it.

[01:04:54] I was in the soup kitchen on Christmas.

[01:04:55] No, forgive us, Jesus.

[01:04:57] He did not just make your name in vain.

[01:05:00] Also, again, another version of this Christmas land homeless world, right?

[01:05:06] Where it's not that Frank's a pedophile who can't actually own a house within, you know, 400 feet of a school or a park and therefore is forced to live on the streets where he's a drug addict and he poops in the streets.

[01:05:20] And he's actually a meth head zombie who hasn't had a real meal or a bath in five years.

[01:05:29] Right.

[01:05:30] He gambled.

[01:05:32] So you can come back from that, right?

[01:05:34] He's not evil enough to be like, oh, we really shouldn't be encouraging Frank to come inside.

[01:05:40] Right, right.

[01:05:41] Because he's a terrible person.

[01:05:43] He just was a gambler.

[01:05:44] Yeah.

[01:05:45] So he's decided never to go inside again.

[01:05:48] Um, so Crystal goes inside and talks to Pete and she's like, listen, I think I really need to tell Derek.

[01:05:55] I need to come clean about the letter because I'm really starting, like, I really care about these people, you know, Derek and Olivia, and I need to just be honest.

[01:06:01] And Pete's like, but that'll spoil the magic.

[01:06:07] Very gay.

[01:06:07] Yeah, Pete was very gay about everything, but, you know, I kind of get it.

[01:06:13] I think it's terrible advice.

[01:06:15] But what do I know?

[01:06:17] So, so she comes flying back out into the soup kitchen area and she's like, my car was stolen.

[01:06:24] It was parked right out front.

[01:06:26] And Derek goes, you mean right, right by the signs that say no parking, your car will be towed?

[01:06:32] And she's like, oh.

[01:06:33] And he goes, and she goes, I'll call it.

[01:06:36] And he goes, um, I'll give you a ride to the tow yard.

[01:06:38] And she goes, I'll call a cab.

[01:06:40] And he goes, don't be silly.

[01:06:41] She goes, okay.

[01:06:42] It was really, I thought that was really nice.

[01:06:44] It was cute because he registered a little surprise on his face too, that she so readily accepted.

[01:06:50] I thought that was actually a really nice.

[01:06:51] It was really funny.

[01:06:52] Yeah.

[01:06:53] I thought it was kind of a cute moment.

[01:06:55] So, um, all right.

[01:06:57] So he goes to take her to pick up her car at the tow yard.

[01:07:02] But a customer calls and is like, I need you to tow my parking lot right now.

[01:07:07] So, sorry.

[01:07:08] I said that in a very strange voice.

[01:07:10] So did we get to this part yet?

[01:07:13] I can't remember if this is further down the road where Pete talks about getting plowed.

[01:07:20] Not quite yet.

[01:07:22] All right.

[01:07:23] Anyway, kids know plow.

[01:07:25] They've got to go plow this.

[01:07:27] They're going to go plow.

[01:07:28] Yeah.

[01:07:28] Emergency parking lot.

[01:07:29] So he needs, so this customer needs his parking lot plowed.

[01:07:32] Like, yeah, as an emergency.

[01:07:33] So she goes with him.

[01:07:35] And, um, so he shows her how to like work the little plow front thing on his truck.

[01:07:42] And it's like, it's kind of bumpy.

[01:07:44] Cause they like, you know, slam right into the snow.

[01:07:47] And she kind of like goes like, ah, and he goes, you're a little scared.

[01:07:51] I like that.

[01:07:52] And I was like, uh, okay, we're getting a little weird here.

[01:07:56] Maybe that's what he likes about these two women.

[01:07:59] A little danger factor.

[01:08:01] Yeah.

[01:08:01] He likes that they're about to collide to his eyes out all the time.

[01:08:03] So he tells her that, um, tomorrow there is a Christmas party for his snowplow company

[01:08:10] at eight o'clock.

[01:08:11] And I was excited because there was an actual time.

[01:08:13] He gave her a time to be there.

[01:08:17] Um, and when he drops her off at her house,

[01:08:21] they say goodbye to each other like a hundred times.

[01:08:23] And it was kind of cute.

[01:08:24] It's kind of like that.

[01:08:25] You hang up first.

[01:08:26] No, you hang up first kind of thing.

[01:08:28] So it was sort of cute.

[01:08:29] And then she calls and tells Pete that he is going to cater this party because Derek told

[01:08:34] her, he's like, he's like, you know, it's just like a potato chips and beer kind of party.

[01:08:37] So she calls Pete and she's like, unacceptable.

[01:08:38] You're catering this thing.

[01:08:41] So she gets there.

[01:08:42] And Pete's the gay BFF.

[01:08:43] So he doesn't have anything better to do in this week before Christmas.

[01:08:47] No.

[01:08:48] So she gets there.

[01:08:49] He's definitely got no like drag shows to go to or fabulous parties.

[01:08:54] Or anything else to cater because he's a really good chef and it's the week before Christmas

[01:09:00] or whatever.

[01:09:01] That's fine.

[01:09:01] Yeah.

[01:09:01] He's good.

[01:09:04] Um, so she's trying to figure out what to wear.

[01:09:07] She doesn't know what to wear.

[01:09:07] She's talking to Pete on the phone and she's like, I don't know.

[01:09:10] Like, I don't know.

[01:09:11] We felt like we had a moment yesterday, but I don't know if there was like a thing.

[01:09:14] And he goes, you plowed snow together.

[01:09:16] That's one step away from plowing.

[01:09:19] I was like, oh no.

[01:09:21] What did Amelia get me into?

[01:09:25] What am I watching?

[01:09:29] I, this is an absolute first on this podcast.

[01:09:35] Absolutely a first.

[01:09:36] It was a lot.

[01:09:37] We have dealt with, um, shirtless men.

[01:09:40] We have dealt with kisses before the end of the movie.

[01:09:45] We have never had, we've even dealt with undercover sexual references.

[01:09:50] We have never had, we have never seen something this blatant.

[01:09:55] I was, I was shocked and appalled.

[01:10:02] Apologize.

[01:10:03] I hope that Mark forgives me for bringing this into your home.

[01:10:05] Amelia.

[01:10:07] Amelia.

[01:10:07] I, I just was like, I cannot believe that Amelia is making me watch this.

[01:10:13] I really was like, oh my gosh.

[01:10:17] I was too.

[01:10:18] I was too.

[01:10:19] I had to take a moment.

[01:10:21] Like I said, I have not watched this movie in so long.

[01:10:24] And I was like, I was shocked.

[01:10:27] I was like that.

[01:10:28] We're going to have to put, we're going to have to put like an explicit label on this episode.

[01:10:32] All right.

[01:10:33] Fair enough.

[01:10:33] It's lifetime, but it really didn't fit in with the way the rest of the movie was.

[01:10:37] No.

[01:10:37] Like maybe something that got forgotten or left over in a first draft.

[01:10:43] Right.

[01:10:43] Cause the film was not, I mean, it, it really didn't have this kind of vibe to it.

[01:10:51] We've talked about how it's a little more grown up, you know, it's like, you know, like

[01:10:55] Crystal slapping back a little bit and that kind of thing, clapping back.

[01:11:01] But what?

[01:11:03] No.

[01:11:04] Pete.

[01:11:04] Yeah.

[01:11:04] That was a lot.

[01:11:07] The next one is going to have to be like an actual children's movie or something.

[01:11:11] We're going to need to like, wow.

[01:11:14] Keep going.

[01:11:15] Pete needs to just, just tone it down.

[01:11:19] I, I, I, they had their, okay.

[01:11:22] We're, we're not at the party yet.

[01:11:24] Are we?

[01:11:24] No.

[01:11:25] Okay.

[01:11:26] Well, she's, she's arriving at the party and where she was specifically told that this

[01:11:32] was a beer and potato chips party and then proceeded to invite a caterer without telling

[01:11:37] anyone.

[01:11:38] Right.

[01:11:38] So she shows up in the red cocktail dress.

[01:11:41] I think it's the dress she was in love with at the beginning.

[01:11:45] And, and then it's shocked that everyone else is just sort of like in jeans and plaid

[01:11:49] and stuff because it's a snow plower party.

[01:11:51] Right.

[01:11:53] And like, listen, you know, if you want to show up looking good, good for you.

[01:11:57] But she's sort of like, oh, I didn't realize I would be overdressed.

[01:12:00] Well.

[01:12:01] I mean, she was dressed for like a Christmas, like a Christmas cocktail party at the plaza.

[01:12:09] Right.

[01:12:10] And Derek is feeling it.

[01:12:12] He thinks she looks hot.

[01:12:13] And of course, stupid Jillian.

[01:12:16] She comes over and is like, Derek, you should have told her the dress was casual.

[01:12:20] The poor thing must feel so silly.

[01:12:22] I love this clap back.

[01:12:24] Yeah.

[01:12:25] So Jillian goes, I've written down.

[01:12:27] She goes, well, I've always felt, you know, so she says something like, well, you might

[01:12:31] as well dress up.

[01:12:32] And she goes, what's worse showing up looking fabulous or whatever.

[01:12:37] I loved that.

[01:12:38] I was like, snap.

[01:12:39] Snap three snaps in a Z formation.

[01:12:44] It was so good.

[01:12:46] So she goes into the kitchen where Pete is cooking and they just like.

[01:12:51] There's a great moment, though, when she walks into the party.

[01:12:54] It's clear that this party is not anywhere near the class she thought it was.

[01:12:58] She sees Pete in the kitchen.

[01:13:00] He, you know, he's decked out.

[01:13:02] He's looking very gay.

[01:13:03] He's got his gay uniform on.

[01:13:05] Right.

[01:13:05] He's like a flamboyant shirt and it's all pink.

[01:13:08] You know, gay guys don't wear anything but pink.

[01:13:10] And he pokes his head out the kitchen and he's clear that he is like, what did you get

[01:13:16] me into?

[01:13:17] And he looks at her and he mouths the words like, come help me now.

[01:13:22] I was, I thought it was so funny.

[01:13:25] I laughed out loud because he was so upset.

[01:13:27] He was.

[01:13:29] So they just take over this party.

[01:13:33] They change the music.

[01:13:34] She starts like walking around with trays with all these fancy hors d'oeuvres that honestly

[01:13:40] this crowd is not going to want.

[01:13:41] They've got eggnog.

[01:13:43] They've got cocktails.

[01:13:45] She is the hostess now.

[01:13:46] This is her party now.

[01:13:47] It's like, what is it, Armistead?

[01:13:49] I'm the captain now.

[01:13:51] Yeah.

[01:13:54] So again, if Jillian was anyone but Jillian, I'd feel bad for her, but she's awful.

[01:13:59] So whatever.

[01:14:00] This is not your party anymore.

[01:14:02] Um, so she's dancing with these snowplow guys who, you know, they, and Derek's like,

[01:14:07] they never dance.

[01:14:09] Um, all right.

[01:14:10] So she's in the bathroom, fixing her lip gloss, living her life.

[01:14:13] And Jillian comes in and confronts her.

[01:14:15] And, um, she's like, I'm going to be there for Derek for the rest of his life.

[01:14:20] And Crystal goes, whether he likes it or not.

[01:14:24] Um, all right.

[01:14:27] So, but I mean, that's like the pot con kettle black.

[01:14:32] Isn't it?

[01:14:33] I mean, you're there whether he likes it or not.

[01:14:36] You stalked your way into his life.

[01:14:38] Um, all right.

[01:14:39] So Derek is sitting outside on the front porch while the party goes on inside.

[01:14:44] Crystal goes to sit with him and he's in kind of a bummer mood because they're going to be

[01:14:49] locked out of the soup kitchen by Christmas.

[01:14:50] It is official.

[01:14:52] Um, but listen, he is super into Crystal.

[01:14:56] He's kind of had it with Jillian and her nonsense and her B wordness.

[01:15:01] And so he starts to lean in for a kiss and Crystal realizes that she can't go on with the

[01:15:09] deception any longer.

[01:15:10] And she starts to tell him, but then a couple of drunkards come out of the house and interrupt

[01:15:15] the kiss.

[01:15:15] And he's like, man, I'm sorry.

[01:15:17] I need to go deal with this party.

[01:15:19] It's starting to get a little crazy in there.

[01:15:20] And he says, because of you and Pete, because of you and Pete and everybody drunk.

[01:15:26] Um, and he's like, but do you want to go on a date tomorrow night?

[01:15:30] And she's like, yeah, I do.

[01:15:32] So things are looking up.

[01:15:34] But meanwhile, two days ago, Derek was about to propose to Sourpuss.

[01:15:43] But the bad news is Crystal left her purse in the bathroom with Jillian.

[01:15:48] And for no reason whatsoever, she brought the dear Santa letter with her.

[01:15:53] I did she just bring it everywhere?

[01:15:55] I don't know.

[01:15:56] It's a good luck charm.

[01:15:57] It's a good luck charm.

[01:15:58] So she left it in the bathroom unattended with her enemy.

[01:16:02] And of course, Jillian goes through her purse and finds it.

[01:16:06] Like you do.

[01:16:07] Like you do.

[01:16:08] Well, Jillian totally would go through her purse.

[01:16:11] I guess she is a real bad Christmaser.

[01:16:13] Yeah.

[01:16:13] I mean, that's 100% what she would do.

[01:16:16] So the next day, Derek is there to pick her up for the date.

[01:16:22] Crystal thinks.

[01:16:22] So she goes down in her elevator in her building.

[01:16:25] She's got a big present with her.

[01:16:26] She's excited.

[01:16:27] She's like, woo, date time.

[01:16:29] Apparently, she never noticed that her purse was gone the whole time.

[01:16:32] I don't know how.

[01:16:33] I would notice.

[01:16:36] And Derek's sitting there with the letter like, um, excuse me.

[01:16:39] Jillian was right.

[01:16:40] You're a big lying lie pants, lying pants.

[01:16:42] And he's like, you know, for a while, they're starting to think that I could feel again.

[01:16:47] Like I felt when I was in love with my wife, but I guess I was just wrong.

[01:16:52] And she's like, oh yeah, about that.

[01:16:55] Um, sorry.

[01:16:57] Here's a present for Olivia.

[01:17:00] Bye.

[01:17:01] I don't know.

[01:17:02] It's like, I'm torn.

[01:17:03] I get it.

[01:17:04] I get his disappointment.

[01:17:06] Like, this is a red flag.

[01:17:10] But again, guy, I gotta go back to the fact that you were about to propose to the world's worst woman.

[01:17:20] Just so you could say your daughter has a mom when your daughter clearly hates her.

[01:17:26] Like, I don't know.

[01:17:27] Glass houses and all that.

[01:17:29] That's what I'm saying.

[01:17:30] Yeah.

[01:17:31] Um, she was a full stalker though.

[01:17:33] And that's a problem.

[01:17:37] Okay.

[01:17:37] Well, fair enough.

[01:17:38] All right.

[01:17:39] So she's upstairs moping and she gets a message from her mom asking if she got their gift.

[01:17:45] Um, a little bit extra this year because she's about to have her allowance cut off.

[01:17:51] So she goes downstairs in her pajamas to get the mail to see if there was a Christmas present down there.

[01:17:57] And it's a check for $10,000.

[01:17:58] And she's like, well, I guess that's nice.

[01:18:01] Fine.

[01:18:01] And I was like, even in 2011, how far does $10,000 get you in New York?

[01:18:08] Like, I'm sorry, mom and dad, but you've been supporting your daughter for since she was ostensibly 22, let's say.

[01:18:16] So for the last decade and you, and she is living a very upper class lifestyle and you clearly have not required anything of her.

[01:18:25] And then in the span of two weeks, you're going to be like, you have two weeks to like get your life together and get a job and be able to pay for this apartment.

[01:18:32] And we'll give you a little extra moving $10,000 is probably not even going to cover the rent.

[01:18:40] Anyone listening wants to give me $10,000 for Christmas.

[01:18:43] I will be more grateful than Kira.

[01:18:46] I'm just saying in New York, Amelia is Amelia Hammy.

[01:18:50] Amelia does not live.

[01:18:52] She doesn't understand because she doesn't have to live in a, in a simply expensive area.

[01:18:59] So I hear $10,000 a night to me, that's not even a week of expenses.

[01:19:05] I mean, that doesn't have to live there either.

[01:19:08] Oh, are you suggesting she?

[01:19:11] Oh my gosh.

[01:19:12] Now who's now who's the cruel person here?

[01:19:15] Amelia, you think?

[01:19:16] As we've learned from Christmas land, you can move to a small town and be absolutely happy.

[01:19:22] Once again, that Venmo is Amelia Hammy.

[01:19:25] That's very true.

[01:19:26] And there are a lot of hot widows in small towns.

[01:19:30] This is established.

[01:19:32] If you are a hot single dad with $10,000.

[01:19:36] No, no mom of a hot single dad will give you $10,000.

[01:19:42] The man isn't going to give you $10,000.

[01:19:44] And if the man does give you $10,000, then I have some questions.

[01:19:50] Okay.

[01:19:51] So she got $10,000.

[01:19:53] All right.

[01:19:54] It's $10,000.

[01:19:56] They're cutting her off.

[01:19:57] They're giving her a check.

[01:19:58] Which by the way, Amelia, I don't know if you remember, but that's actually the exact amount that Derek owes.

[01:20:05] Which is the exact amount that Derek owes.

[01:20:06] Yeah.

[01:20:06] All right.

[01:20:07] So back at the soup kitchen, Derek is telling everyone that they are going to be locked out at exactly midnight.

[01:20:13] At Christmas Eve.

[01:20:15] And yeah, that's what they weren't entirely clear, but I think it's Christmas Eve right now.

[01:20:20] I think.

[01:20:21] Okay.

[01:20:21] Okay.

[01:20:24] Olivia, meanwhile, is opening her present.

[01:20:26] Of course, it is a skating costume that twirls and has a skirt.

[01:20:30] She's so excited.

[01:20:32] She wants to call Crystal right now.

[01:20:34] And Derek is like, we're not friends anymore.

[01:20:35] And Olivia is like, you won't give anyone a chance just because they stalked us and worked their way into our family.

[01:20:42] I know.

[01:20:42] That line too came out of nowhere too, because that's not true.

[01:20:46] I'm pretty sure he did give you a chance.

[01:20:49] He was just about to propose to somebody he hates.

[01:20:54] Crystal's wandering around window shopping again, and she sees a homeless lady.

[01:20:59] And she's like, I don't know.

[01:21:02] Olivia is mad at her dad.

[01:21:05] Everybody's fighting.

[01:21:06] The shelter is closed because it must be 1201 now.

[01:21:12] Crystal is now.

[01:21:14] Okay.

[01:21:14] So Crystal, I thought this was super best.

[01:21:18] Okay.

[01:21:19] So she goes to talk.

[01:21:20] So she goes to the shelter in his clothes, but Frank is outside.

[01:21:23] And she goes.

[01:21:26] So she goes, if the shelter is open.

[01:21:30] On Christmas for Christmas dinner.

[01:21:32] Will you have dinner inside?

[01:21:33] And he's like, I don't go inside.

[01:21:35] And she goes, but I'll make a bet with you.

[01:21:38] If it's open.

[01:21:39] Will you have dinner inside?

[01:21:41] Do we have a bet?

[01:21:42] And I'm like, why are you asking the gambling addict to make a bet with you?

[01:21:47] That's messed up.

[01:21:51] Crystal, look, you know what?

[01:21:54] Look, she doesn't have a lot of experience with this kind of stuff.

[01:21:58] I'll give her a pass.

[01:21:59] But yeah, maybe you shouldn't be gambling with the gambling addict that had such an addiction

[01:22:04] that he's now homeless.

[01:22:07] I'm like, he's recovering.

[01:22:08] He's trying to do his best.

[01:22:10] Like to the extent that he won't even go inside anymore.

[01:22:13] I know.

[01:22:14] I feel like the writers thought that was a cute little callback, but I think it's dangerous.

[01:22:19] Right.

[01:22:20] I was like, probably don't do that.

[01:22:24] So Derek, who is also not a very emotionally healthy person, decides he's going to propose

[01:22:32] to Jillian again.

[01:22:36] And nobody is okay in this movie.

[01:22:38] The daughter.

[01:22:39] So I wrote down, Derek decides he's going to propose because there are only two women in

[01:22:44] the world and he's on a deadline.

[01:22:48] Yeah, I've got to get this done by Christmas.

[01:22:50] That's yeah.

[01:22:51] And there's obviously the choices are Crystal and Jillian and Crystal.

[01:22:57] New York City.

[01:22:58] Where are you going to find another eligible bachelorette?

[01:23:03] Right.

[01:23:04] Obviously.

[01:23:05] Yeah.

[01:23:07] So they get to the restaurant and Jillian goes, I'm going to run to the loo, which made me hate

[01:23:11] her even more.

[01:23:13] I know.

[01:23:14] I know.

[01:23:14] I was like, I hate you right now.

[01:23:16] Yeah.

[01:23:16] Yeah.

[01:23:16] So I have no idea what happened at the dinner because suddenly he's putting her in the car

[01:23:20] and then getting in his own car.

[01:23:22] I guess.

[01:23:23] So I'm like, I guess he didn't propose.

[01:23:24] I have no idea what happened to that whole dinner.

[01:23:26] I think you were supposed to guess.

[01:23:28] I think that's what I realized.

[01:23:29] Because I was like, just not know.

[01:23:31] Did he?

[01:23:31] Did he?

[01:23:32] Yeah.

[01:23:32] This movie that has shown us probably a total of 15 minutes of just people walking from

[01:23:41] their car to a house, walking from their house to a car.

[01:23:44] They show us a lot of details that we don't need to see.

[01:23:49] Doesn't want to show us what happened to her.

[01:23:52] I was like, I guess not.

[01:23:54] We're supposed to.

[01:23:55] But we had to know that she had to pee when they got there.

[01:23:57] That was important.

[01:23:59] She had to go to the loo so that he had a moment to actually reconsider this second ill-advised

[01:24:07] attempt at proposing.

[01:24:11] And they made a big deal that he had to get the reservations three weeks in advance the

[01:24:14] first time.

[01:24:15] So how did he get this one?

[01:24:16] I don't know.

[01:24:16] Maybe he was planning on after she says yes, then we'll do like a, I'll make her feel special

[01:24:24] by taking her to this fancy restaurant.

[01:24:26] Whatever.

[01:24:27] Who knows?

[01:24:27] Okay.

[01:24:28] So Crystal.

[01:24:29] Maybe he has a whole series of restaurant reservations for like, in case I don't get to,

[01:24:35] in case I don't have the nerve this time, I've got another one in three weeks.

[01:24:44] These days, it seems like everybody's talking, but no one is actually listening to the things

[01:24:49] they're saying.

[01:24:50] Critical thinking isn't dead, but it's definitely low on oxygen.

[01:24:54] Join me, Kira Davis, on Just Listen to Yourself every week as we reason through issues big

[01:25:00] and small.

[01:25:01] Critique our own ideas and learn to draw our talking points all the way out to their logical

[01:25:05] conclusions.

[01:25:07] Subscribe to Just Listen to Yourself with Kira Davis and FCB Radio Podcast on Apple, on Spotify,

[01:25:12] iHeart, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[01:25:17] So Crystal's just sitting at the ice rink, pouting and thinking.

[01:25:22] And Derek drives by the kitchen so he can pout and think, and he sees the lights come on.

[01:25:28] And he goes inside to see what in the world is going on.

[01:25:33] And Pete is like, he's feeling sassy.

[01:25:35] And he goes, someone paid the bill.

[01:25:38] Someone who cares about this place as much as you do.

[01:25:41] Someone who you used to care about before you jumped to conclusions.

[01:25:46] I know.

[01:25:47] I was like, what conclusions did he jump to, Pete?

[01:25:49] It was more like you found out what happened.

[01:25:57] Like, what's going on?

[01:25:59] And there's just this perfect march of people as if they had all just standing by the back

[01:26:04] door waiting to receive a box of fresh vegetables.

[01:26:08] And Pete's like leading the charge.

[01:26:11] Because again, it's Christmas Eve.

[01:26:12] And Pete doesn't have anything else to do.

[01:26:15] There's nothing fabulous going on in the gay community on Christmas Eve.

[01:26:19] No, of course not.

[01:26:20] And not in New York City.

[01:26:23] Are you kidding me?

[01:26:24] Not a thing.

[01:26:27] But he was.

[01:26:28] He was like, you jumped to conclusion.

[01:26:30] Like, I don't think he jumped to conclusion.

[01:26:32] But then he had a nice little thing about like, hey, how'd you meet your wife?

[01:26:37] You know?

[01:26:37] Yeah, but that was.

[01:26:39] That was fate.

[01:26:40] That analogy didn't really work either.

[01:26:43] He's like, you met your wife at a football game.

[01:26:44] If you hadn't been there, then you wouldn't have met.

[01:26:47] So it's fate.

[01:26:48] Just like if she hadn't found the letter, you wouldn't have met.

[01:26:51] So it's also fate.

[01:26:52] Okay, but like you didn't stalk her to the football game.

[01:26:56] True.

[01:26:57] Hey, we just got to get there.

[01:26:59] We got to get there quicker.

[01:27:00] So he's got to do something.

[01:27:01] You know, we're coming up on the end of the film.

[01:27:03] So he's got to put the plot forward.

[01:27:05] So that seems like a lazy writer technique.

[01:27:07] What would you have said to him?

[01:27:09] Knowing that he's got to go get this girl.

[01:27:15] I don't know because the whole plot line is problematic because she was a stalker.

[01:27:19] You live in holiday land and you vacation in Christmas land.

[01:27:23] So what's your advice from Pete?

[01:27:25] I think I would have said like, listen, I know that she messed up with the whole stalking,

[01:27:29] but she's a good person and you guys did fall in love.

[01:27:32] So just go talk to her.

[01:27:34] Brilliant.

[01:27:35] Why didn't they write that?

[01:27:36] I don't know.

[01:27:38] So anyway, through a series of events, Olivia and Derek and Crystal all end up at the wishing tree.

[01:27:51] And Crystal is saying as Derek walks up, Crystal saying to Olivia that she found the letter.

[01:27:57] And she's like, I was just walking and it floated into my path.

[01:28:00] And Derek says, which is exactly how Santa planned it.

[01:28:03] And they kiss and there's a group hug.

[01:28:07] And then there's then they all have dinner at the kitchen.

[01:28:10] And Frank came in because he lost a bet.

[01:28:12] And now he's a gambler again.

[01:28:14] Yeah.

[01:28:15] The end.

[01:28:17] Frank ends up as a method too.

[01:28:21] Okay.

[01:28:22] Yeah.

[01:28:22] I was like, first of all, they're taking the Lord's name in vain way too casually in this film.

[01:28:28] And second of all, now we've made Santa into Jesus.

[01:28:32] Now Santa's the person that like, I just was like, yeah, that's how Santa works.

[01:28:37] Like, no, that's how God works.

[01:28:40] You irreligious pagans.

[01:28:44] You know how I feel about Santa.

[01:28:46] I love Santa.

[01:28:47] I know.

[01:28:49] This is our, this is a deep vote between Amelia and I, parents who might want to turn off, turn it off.

[01:28:56] There's no spoilers.

[01:28:58] But in the Davis house, we don't do Santa Claus.

[01:29:01] And Amelia finds that greatly offensive.

[01:29:04] And one of the reasons we don't do Santa is because people always credit Santa with the works of God.

[01:29:12] I disagree with you.

[01:29:16] So, overall, I liked this movie, but it was still, it was not how I remembered it.

[01:29:22] I was watching it going, what?

[01:29:26] It's Amelia.

[01:29:27] What does she have me watching?

[01:29:30] This is like, I feel like I've turned on a porn, a porno.

[01:29:36] I feel not.

[01:29:37] I mean, relatively speaking, in Christmas land, this was downright pornographic.

[01:29:43] I enjoyed it, though.

[01:29:45] I mean, I definitely have fun watching it.

[01:29:47] I got some cheesy laughs out of it.

[01:29:51] And then I also got some genuine laughs out of it.

[01:29:55] I liked the cast a lot.

[01:29:58] I think it's so cute that there were no blonde people at all in the movie.

[01:30:02] I think that's hilarious.

[01:30:05] But yeah, I enjoyed it.

[01:30:07] I had fun.

[01:30:07] It's definitely not our hallmark usual fare, but it had some things to recommend it.

[01:30:15] And I think if you want to sit down and just have a, like a silly 90 minutes, go ahead and turn it on.

[01:30:24] Yeah, I think you'll enjoy it.

[01:30:27] Yes.

[01:30:30] And the calendar is going to get back into our more usual fare after this.

[01:30:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:30:37] We're not renting an expensive condo in holiday land.

[01:30:43] We're from Christmas land.

[01:30:45] Yes, we are residents of Christmas land.

[01:30:47] Yeah.

[01:30:48] But we're definitely doing the tourist thing.

[01:30:53] Tropes.

[01:30:54] This is a harder movie to fit into that because it's not the formula.

[01:30:57] But there were plenty of tropes.

[01:31:00] I mean, there's a precocious child who was very good, by the way.

[01:31:04] I meant to look her up to see what she did.

[01:31:05] Oh, I liked her a lot.

[01:31:06] I did look her up.

[01:31:08] She hasn't been in much since then.

[01:31:11] No.

[01:31:12] She went on for her regular life.

[01:31:13] I think she did.

[01:31:15] She was, what was her name?

[01:31:18] Emma Duke.

[01:31:19] Emma Duke.

[01:31:20] But when I look her up on IMDb, she has not been in much.

[01:31:25] She was in the show Heartland, which was a big Canadian show, I believe.

[01:31:29] So she was in that.

[01:31:31] And it looks like she's been in that recently.

[01:31:32] So I think maybe that's what she was into.

[01:31:34] She did some Lala Loopsie back in the day.

[01:31:36] All right.

[01:31:38] But you know what I was intrigued on in the cast was there was an uncredited character

[01:31:45] named Soup Kitchen Grizz.

[01:31:48] And I'm very intrigued by Soup Kitchen Grizz.

[01:31:52] Who was Soup Kitchen Grizz?

[01:31:55] I don't know.

[01:31:56] Okay.

[01:31:58] I'm very intrigued.

[01:31:59] But anyway, Olivia was adorable, played by Emma Duke.

[01:32:03] She was great.

[01:32:04] I thought she did a great job.

[01:32:05] Sometimes you get weird kids in these things.

[01:32:08] I mean, child acting is hard.

[01:32:10] She did great.

[01:32:11] I love the baking scene, the angry where they baked at each other as an argument.

[01:32:17] I giggled.

[01:32:18] I did.

[01:32:19] I giggled.

[01:32:20] I enjoyed it.

[01:32:21] I thought it was super funny.

[01:32:23] We had Christmas tree decorating.

[01:32:27] We had a deadline.

[01:32:28] We had a Christmas deadline.

[01:32:29] Yep.

[01:32:30] We had a situation that could have been explained, just a simple conversation.

[01:32:34] We had a couple of those.

[01:32:35] Heck yeah.

[01:32:36] We had, well, we had, I guess we had a busy businesswoman, but it was the love interest

[01:32:45] competition lady, sort of.

[01:32:46] Yeah.

[01:32:48] I don't think we get to, yeah.

[01:32:50] I don't know if that counts.

[01:32:51] I don't even know what she did.

[01:32:52] Is she a busy businesswoman?

[01:32:54] Yeah, she was a realtor.

[01:32:55] Very domestic.

[01:32:56] Oh, okay.

[01:32:57] She's a realtor.

[01:32:57] Yeah.

[01:32:57] She was always like, oh, you know, I closed on a house today.

[01:33:00] Oh, okay.

[01:33:03] Of course you did Jillian.

[01:33:05] My cousin's name is Jillian.

[01:33:07] But she's really nice.

[01:33:10] And we do have a favorite, we do have a favorite Canadian Derek also, as long as we're.

[01:33:15] Yeah.

[01:33:16] Do we?

[01:33:17] Who's our Canadian Derek?

[01:33:18] Don't we?

[01:33:21] What's your brother's name?

[01:33:23] Cody.

[01:33:24] Who's Derek?

[01:33:25] Don't we have a Derek in the family?

[01:33:27] No, not me.

[01:33:29] Well, fine.

[01:33:29] I guess I made that up.

[01:33:31] I thought you had a cousin Derek or something.

[01:33:33] I don't know.

[01:33:33] Fine.

[01:33:34] Can you get a cousin Derek by next week?

[01:33:36] Probably.

[01:33:40] I was sure you had a cousin named Derek.

[01:33:42] Everybody is named Derek where I come from.

[01:33:44] So there's something.

[01:33:46] No, no.

[01:33:47] It's not me.

[01:33:48] But Jillian Wagner, we love, right?

[01:33:52] Or Jill Wagner.

[01:33:53] I think it was a Jillian.

[01:33:55] Yeah.

[01:33:56] So anyways.

[01:33:57] Yeah, we had that.

[01:33:58] We had someone falling down.

[01:34:01] Well, she fell on the ice, but there wasn't like a, there was no catching.

[01:34:05] So I don't think that counts.

[01:34:06] Yeah.

[01:34:06] I don't think that counts either.

[01:34:11] Yeah.

[01:34:11] I guess, I guess that's a real, not a real dress reveal moment.

[01:34:15] I mean, she walks into the party, but it's not a.

[01:34:19] Coming down the stairs.

[01:34:21] I was like, yeah, if you're not on the top of the stairs, I don't feel like it counts so much.

[01:34:24] I agree.

[01:34:25] I think, I think you have to be on top of the stairs.

[01:34:29] There might be a very few exceptions, but I'm trying to think of any movie that we've watched with the dress reveal.

[01:34:35] And I don't think there's been a single one where the dress reveal wasn't on the stairs.

[01:34:41] Yeah.

[01:34:41] I don't think so.

[01:34:43] Yeah.

[01:34:45] All right.

[01:34:46] All right.

[01:34:46] The next movie we are going to watch is Absolute Christmas Land.

[01:34:50] A Princess for Christmas.

[01:34:52] It's a Hallmark one from several years ago.

[01:34:55] And the male love interest is played by Sam Heughan from Outlander.

[01:35:00] Ah!

[01:35:01] Yay!

[01:35:01] Yay!

[01:35:03] You're going to love it.

[01:35:04] I love him.

[01:35:05] Yeah.

[01:35:06] When I rewatched it a few years ago, I was like, that guy is so familiar.

[01:35:11] But it's like, it's so not Jamie Fraser-y that it like, it took me a while to be like, who is this dude?

[01:35:20] Like, it took me a minute.

[01:35:22] I'm excited to go watch this now.

[01:35:24] I do really love him.

[01:35:25] He would be a great Hallmark guy.

[01:35:27] This is a good one.

[01:35:28] You're going to love it.

[01:35:29] Okay.

[01:35:30] What's it called again?

[01:35:30] It is called A Princess for Christmas.

[01:35:32] A Princess.

[01:35:32] Yes.

[01:35:33] Oh, I wonder what it's about.

[01:35:36] Yes.

[01:35:37] I can't spoil it for you.

[01:35:40] Don't spoil it.

[01:35:41] Let me come to this fresh.

[01:35:46] I want to encourage everyone to subscribe to the podcast, of course.

[01:35:51] And that's really helpful.

[01:35:53] And to share.

[01:35:55] And what else?

[01:35:56] I feel like I had something else that I just...

[01:35:58] Rate, review, like, share.

[01:36:01] All that.

[01:36:02] Rate, review, like, share.

[01:36:04] We went through the tropes.

[01:36:06] The movie is Dear Santa.

[01:36:08] I think worth your watch if you're like us and you watch Hallmark for the same reasons that we watch Hallmark.

[01:36:13] I think you'll enjoy it.

[01:36:15] So thanks for recommending this, Amelia.

[01:36:17] Now I need to go to church to cleanse myself.

[01:36:22] Oh, my goodness.

[01:36:23] My ears.

[01:36:25] That plowing comment is still ringing in my ear.

[01:36:28] We don't have anything else to say.

[01:36:34] Everybody, make sure you watch A Princess for Christmas so you can enjoy this podcast.

[01:36:39] We'll catch you next time.

[01:36:40] Amelia, until we meet again.

[01:36:42] I wish you days filled with friendly gambling addicts who want to live in the street and just want to give you good advice.

[01:36:51] I wish you the feeling of relief when you don't propose to a woman you hate.

[01:36:57] Thank you.

[01:36:58] Merry Christmas, Amelia.

[01:36:59] Merry Christmas, Kira.

[01:37:09] This has been a presentation of the FCB Podcast Network, where real talk lives.

[01:37:16] Visit us online at fcbpodcasts.com.